3yo with dummy

[ratatouillepudding]

Anyone else have a child who seems to really NEED a dummy? I am theoretically mentally capable of taking away the dummy completely and I'm not scared of tantrums - took older DS's away no problem - but I'm unsure whether to do so this time because DS seems to need it for comfort so much. It's the only thing that will calm him if he's upset or sad for any reason (I don't mean tantrums), and he just seems to find it so soothing. I suppose I feel sorry for him, he's a super sensitive kid and it seems nice for him to have something that helps him. Is three too old to still have a dummy at night and sometimes in the day if upset?

I think you should slowly start to think about removing it because it will only become more and more his emotional crutch.
It is normal to be upset, and learning to deal and live with negative emotions is fundamental to mental health.

Bad things happen, from hitting your knee on the coffee table to have a "no" when you asked for extra chocolate.

You don't need to be brutal, but don't rush with the dummy, every time he is upset with something. He slowly needs to find way to console himself without it. Start forgetting it, or it is dirty or you need to buy a need one.

Every child is unique. Your DS is sensitive, which is very sweet but look ahead. You don't only teach to walk, talk, cross the road with the green man, but also teach how to deal with situation. Resilience and a strong self esteem come from failures (tower of blocs collapses) and building your emotional muscles.
Let him see you with your bad feeling. Being annoyed, upset , sad, and so on. Even bloody pissed at the delivery driver who cancelled last minute.
We shield our children from the bad and then despair when they can't deal with it as teenagers. Be honest in your day by day so that he learns that bad things are normal (bugger, I have no butter for my toast, that's annoying ) .

When to remove will be up to you. The more you wait however, the harder it will be.

Yes my DD2 needed her dummy. It's the only way she got any sleep and it was a real comfort for her when things for overwhelming. She was 4 before she finally gave it up (with a lot of planning!). I know she 'should' have given it up earlier but to be honest it was saving all our sanity! We reduced use slowly until she just had it in bed to drop off to sleep, then gave it up one day a week ,then two etc. We did it very slowly over a couple of months and when we thought she could handle it (previous attempts had very much failed and the dummy fairy, giving it to a baby etc were not well received!). We have two other DC who have had no interest in a dummy and I always assumed it was lazy parenting when older kids had a dummy, until DD2 came along! So I still don't think a 3 or 4 year old should have a dummy, but I have been there and you have my sympathies.

Thank you both for your kind perspectives. I agree with both of you. I think we will make a gradual plan 👍🏼

With DS we let him keep it till he was ready to give it up himself. Like your LO he used it for comfort, so it was more than just a habit. Tbh I never really cared that he still had it since it was mostly just for bed. He gave it up himself no problems atall at the age of 5, we made a deal that if he put it in the bin he could have a reward of his choosing, worked a treat.

I think the most important thing is that they're ready to move on. If you're DS still takes comfort in it, then I'd let him have it a bit longer, as long as it's not in his mouth all day it's unlikely to cause any problems.
At the end of the day he's your child, it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks he's 'too old' for something, it's your decision.