Don’t know if I love my baby properly yet

[duckie1210]

My baby is 18 days old and I’m not sure if I properly love him yet. My brain knows that he is my son and I love him but I don’t feel it in my heart yet. But I don’t know what loving your child is meant to feel like so I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.
He was born by emcs so I didn’t have that moment of pushing him out myself and having him handed straight to me. When he was born I was still in shock from suddenly needing a cs, and obviously didn’t get to hold him until a little while after he was born. Then I only got a few hours with him before they realised something was wrong and he had to go to neonatal for 2 and a half days. So that probably disrupted the bonding experience as well.
We’re getting on alright with him at home, some issues with sleeping and crying but it could be a whole lot worse. I feel like I should be enjoying being with him more which makes me feel bad so then I get upset when he’s upset. I just don’t think I’ve had that moment yet where I’ve fell in love with him.

Thank you new commenters.
I have been a bit down the last few days as baby seems unhappy- he has these mad crying fits between about 9/10pm and 1am. It worries me as newborn babies shouldn’t be awake for that long in one go. And he seems to be always fighting sleep. It makes me sad when I think he’s unhappy and I don’t know what else to do to make him happy. But I’ve been depressed before and I don’t think this is it.
So I do care about him and would never want to be apart from him, I just haven’t got that ‘love’ feeling yet.

Lots of babies have a "witching hour" where they are miserable no matter what you do - could well be for your LO. Doesn't necessarily mean he's unhappy, he doesn't have any other way of communicating yet.

My DC was awake pretty much constantly for the first 4 weeks of his life and then slept for pretty much all of the next 4 weeks - it's hard for them to work out what's night and what's day.

Hang in there, it will get easier.

Yep that’s definitely his witching hour- or 4 hours 😅

Definitely normal. I never had any big "rush of love" that you hear about when I had mine. I was just bloody exhausted. Try not to worry, you know you love them, but being a new mum is knackering. I think we're fed a really unhelpful lie about it abs expect some magically life changing burst of wonder, when in reality most people love their babies but are also full of lots of other emotions as they're going through a massive life change, whilst coping with hormones/exhaustion/Labour/surgery etc

6 months for my oldest. I felt absolutely nothing.

2 weeks for my youngest.

It seems alien to me now as I adore them. Just get through each day. It'll come eventually and congratulations.

Just another mum saying that I didn't get "the rush of love" once for any of my three children and my oldest is 14 now!

I know I definitely love them and they're still alive and in my care!

I didn't feel that rush of love with DD1 but was incredibly protective of her, with DD2 I had that rush of love instantly but I'm not as protective - her birth was far less traumatic and I guess I know that it's highly unlikely someone will try to steal her from me (which was what I thought with my first!).

They have funny sleep newborns - I'm just going with whatever DD2 wants at the moment. They do settle into more of a pattern as they grow, then it all changes again!

When I had Dd I knew I loved her, I was fascinated by her, but also terrified, I had no idea what to do with a baby.
I think I just went through the motions whilst being loving and very protective of her.
One night when she was about six weeks old, I'd bathed her, and put her to bed in her moses basket.
Half an hour or so later I went to check on her, (I had a monitor, but still checked).
She was fast asleep and it just hit me how much I loved her, I got the rush.

I made a post about this probably about a year ago now when my daughter was first born.

I never had the ‘rush of love’ that everyone says they have as soon as they’re baby is put into their arms.

Most people don’t. Some people say they do because it’s a social norm now and heaven forbid anyone who doesn’t immediately fall head over heels in love with their child.

However, around (and I’m not joking or did take this long) 4 months in, I felt different and I definitely felt like a pride was growing, which then turned into love and honestly now I just feel smitten when I look at DD. She’s incredible.

Long story short. I didn’t start to feel much for her until her personality and our bond grew.

I think that’s so normal OP, i remember feeling the same and loving my son and I would have done anything to protect him - but not feeling fully connected somehow. Funnily enough now thinking back I can’t pin point when exactly I finally felt that overwhelming rush feeling of love but it definitely happened. I now have a 3 year old and I’m so bonded and besotted with him - I’ve never loved anyone more! it just sort of crept up on me and happened over time I think?
Just be aware that sometimes Post natal depression can make you feel slightly detached from your baby so it’s worth keeping an eye on how your feeling and seek help if your at all concerned - it’s so normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

@duckie1210 I've sent you a private message xx