Extra time at nursery

[Rarwl]

Want to know AIBU to consider this (but not really brave enough to post on AIBU boards!).

My DS is 2 and currently goes to nursery 3 days a week. My DH works 4 days (shifts) and has him 1 week day, Tuesday. I currently work FT but compressed hours so only work 4 days and have DS the other week day, Friday.

So we have DS at home from Friday-Sunday until he’s back at nursery on Monday. In theory this would be fine, I used to take him out and about and we would go to groups or swimming or the library or soft play etc. Meet with friends often. He really thrives on being out and doing stuff and is not good at all when cooped up at home. However he has some developmental delays, can’t talk yet and is only just starting to walk. So at the moment we are really struggling to fill Fri-Sun with him. We go to the park every day when the weather is good enough but there’s nothing else to do in tier 4. All the normal toddler outdoorsy things (puddle suits, leaf hunting, bear hunt, build dens etc) don’t really work with him as he’s not independent enough physically. He also doesn’t do pretend play and the lack of language means it’s hard to engage him in activities that aren’t concrete (eg bear hunt). He hates the buggy and just wants to try and walk but then can’t really and gets very frustrated. When we’re at home he will play with some toys and watch TV but he hates any messy play (sensory issues) and I’m struggling to entertain him.

However he loves nursery, he likes the other children and I think he thrives on the structure too. So AIBU to consider sending him for a short day (9-3) on a Friday as well even though I don’t technically have to work?

We had been discussing getting a cleaner as I am pregnant with DC2 and it’s hard to clean properly when he is around, he requires a lot of attention and supervision so this will only get harder when new baby is here! Short day at nursery would cost £35 a week and the cleaner would have been £30 a week. So I could do the cleaning myself during those hours he’s at nursery on a Friday and I’m not working, as well as other jobs too (I have no intention of spending 6 hours a week on cleaning, ha! Maybe more like 2-3) like the food shop.

However this will make me feel quite guilty as it’s like saying I’d prefer him to be at nursery while I stay at home and clean? Rather than spend time with him myself. But I honestly thing he will enjoy it more, he loves going and is obviously getting quite bored at home. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

Nothing wrong with having a day to yourself. I would do it. I don't know where you are though, but all our nurseries are shut to all but key workers at the moment.

Thanks @Ginger1982. I don’t want to be selfish and have no intention of using the day as a day off to just spend doing whatever I want, I would spend it doing things that benefit the whole family/household eg cleaning, errands, laundry rather than going for coffees or relaxing with a book/TV etc. I’m hoping it would mean we could then give DS the more focused attention he needs on sat-sun rather than trying to do jobs while also entertaining him as I could get the majority of stuff done on a Friday.

Thankfully the nurseries are open here and also I do qualify as a key worker (although I’m not a nurse/doctor etc the role I do qualifies for nursery places).

I really don’t think now is a good time sorry. Maybe you need to be a bit more creative with your activities? I don’t think its appropriate to use an extra day, key worker or not, to get your housework done during a pandemic. Many will disagree with me and that’s fine, this is my opinion.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat I have honestly tried every activity that I have found on here, online etc. Things he doesn’t like:
Play dough
Baking
Painting
Messy play
Garden (doesn’t like mud) or water play
Indoor obstacle course - physio had recommended this but he either ignores it or gets upset with things like tunnels to crawl through

Other things I’ve tried that he’s too young/not advanced enough for:
Pretend play of any sort
Trains
Games like the orchard games even the 18m+ ones
Most puzzles
Duplo

He does like books, music and colouring. That’s pretty much it. At nursery I know he doesn’t actually engage with a lot of the activities but he seems to like watching the other children and they do have a lot of different toys to rotate which we obviously don’t have the same quantity of.

He is already attending 3 days a week which we need to continue anyway for us to work and so I don’t think he would be taking another child’s place by going an extra short day. Also at the moment our nursery spaces aren’t restricted anyway.

Toddler groups are allowed to open in Tier 4, so you could take him to one of those if he can't cope with outdoor activities? Groups like Hartbeeps and Monkey Music are running here, but it depends on the franchise in your area whether it would be open or not. Our local ones are. Libraries are allowed to open in Tier 4 too. We also have a local private gym for babies/toddlers which is open, so you can see if there is anything like that in your area.

Though there's nothing wrong at all with having him in an extra day while you take time for yourself. I'm a sahm and I'm sending 2 yo DD to nursery 3 days, sometimes I go home and watch a film and have a nap, so no need to feel guilty about it!

I think that sounds fine. I have a nearly 3 year old and though I only technically work 4 days a week, work has been spilling over into evenings and Friday, so I've now put him in on some (but not all Fridays). It's really tough right now and not normal times. If he is happy and well at nursery, then sounds like a great plan. It's probably better than 3 days of tv, which is mostly what mine have been doing so I can get caught up with work and household tasks on the weekends.

I absolutely think you’re right to send him in. I’m a SAHM currently to a 2 year old but pre baby was a special needs teacher. I think it is really really hard right now. We had a lovely time pre-Covid but now, in Tier 4, there is literally zero I can do with him indoors. Swimming, library, sure start, local toddler groups all closed. No visiting homes so very lonely. And we’re in the north so absolutely freezing outside, so even my very outdoorsy loving son is struggling to enjoy the park in this weather.
I also send mine to a playgroup for two mornings a week since turning two in October. I did it precisely because there was no other way I could find for him to have that indoors time with other children and also to give me a break. This week I’ve decided not to send because of the situation changing so fast with Covid. But spoke to a friend earlier with a baby the same age and advised her to send her child because he’s also got some delays with language and general development. I’m gutted about losing playgroup (for how long- who knows?) but I know that my son is doing okay at home and can now (only since being about 25 months) actually enjoy the kinds of stuff you mention above, so the days are possible if wearisome.
I think it sounds like you are a good mum who works hard and is putting the best interests of her child, with additional needs, at the centre. So do it. You know best and you’ve nothing at all to feel guilty about.

If you can afford it, then go for it! You dont need people on the internet tell you how to live your life, if it suits you best then why the hell not! Its not like he absolutely hates nursery and you want to put him in an extra day, he loves it - so go for it!

I honestly think what you’re suggesting is very sensible, and nothing to feel guilty about. It is very hard to entertain preschoolers at the moment. I have a 17mo and before Christmas I was thinking of putting him in full time rather than the 4 days he’s in at the moment, because our Fridays are so hard to fill. There’s nothing to do! No groups, no swimming. There’s only so much park I can do with him especially in this weather. Go with your instinct and put him in the extra day.

If you think it is the best thing for him the. Go for it doesn’t really matter what you’re doing (working or at home) while he is there if the decision is about him enjoying being at pre-school.

You’ve mentioned a lot of activities you’ve tried to do with him. I wouldn’t break your back trying to engage him in specific activities, I think learning to just be where there is not much to do is fine too. Though I realIse his needs might mean that that’s not possible and he needs structured activities.

I would. He's at nursery anyway so an extra day won't do any harm.

I don't blame you at all - we are struggling with an 18 mo only in nursery 2 days a week. My mum used to have her for a day pre-covid and we asked for an extra nursery day but there are no places available.

We are utterly fed up with freezing cold parks and local walks - looking after small children just now is quite joyless, though I am trying to find the positives!