How to talk to adult kids about separation after betrayal?

[Frances53]

Advice please. I’ve been betrayed by my husband of 30 years and am leaving the relationship. Not an affair, something else. What do I say to my adult kids? I don‘t think it’s right to dish the dirt on their dad, but they are demanding an explanation

Need more info before people can help in the right direction
I would just be honest no matter what it is they are adults

I told my 17 year old the truth when he asked, in a non emotive way. I didn't want to lie to him.

I'd say there was a trust issue, it was private, and now you are each forging your own paths.

They don't need the dirt, and if they persist, just repeat " I'm not going into details so please stop asking"

I think if they’re adults they’re old enough to understand that some parts of relationships are relevant only to the two people involved in the relationship.
So I think it’s reasonable to say “he betrayed me over something that’s important to me. It’s not an affair but it’s private and between the two of us”. (Child of a betrayed wife speaking). I think quite often children feel a right to be party to everything their parents do, but the older I get, the less I think that’s the case.

Oh x-post with Seafog

I would tell them to ask him.

Why would you not tell an adult the truth?

I think I agree with @sunnysomer - the details of the betrayal are only relevant to the two of us. Although adults, they do not have a right to be party to what has happened.

Thank you @sunnysomer for wisdom based on experience