Angrier since having a baby- anyone else?

[KateEC91]

Hi, to give a background, I have always had fairly angry hormonal moments. I have always been angrier/less tolerant during my period.
However, since having my first baby 10 months ago I have felt extremely angry during hormonal peaks.
I am usually able to settle my baby fine but some days I become so enraged by him arching his back and whining at me that I have had to leave the room and scream into a pillow. Or, I have thought to myself... ‘I could just go and kick that bloody door, or punch something’. I can literally feel the anger building up inside me and it scares me, because I don’t recognise myself.
Has anyone else found this? I am constantly met on social media with these picture perfect mums who all seem like Sally Fields!!!! I feel that at least a couple of times per month, I just can’t tolerate the constant stess of a baby and I need a break. With covid etc, I feel trapped. He is beautifully behaved and so calm usually so he isn’t even a difficult baby, but I still find myself getting wound up when he does make things difficult.
I feel so guilty because he’s a baby, he can’t tell me how he feels and his only way to communicate is to cry and moan. I wish it didn’t anger me :(

Have you heard of PMDD? might be worth a quick read on google - see if your symptoms match

Are you very tired OP? I found that messes with my temper. It sounds like you're doing the right things, leaving baby somewhere safe and taking a break. Be kind to yourself

Yes! I am such an angry person now, although all my anger is at other adults (I’m not judging you)

I restarted my pill which really kicked it up a notch, I’ve stopped taking it now and it’s calmed down. I think it may be PMDD.

I definitely think Covid doesn’t help, remember for a long time it was literally just you and your baby (unless your partner was furloughed or worse)

I don’t have any advice, just know you’re not alone and all these perfect mums you see are definitely crumbling with the pressure to be perceived as perfect.

I felt like this a lot until DD was about 1, I think a lot of it was hormones mixed with extreme tiredness really. I remember having to put DD in her cot on many occasions while I went into another room to scream into a pillow. I didn’t seek out any help but probably should have, it gradually passed though.

I was reading recently that it can be a form of PND, so that may be worth talking to someone about. Could you talk to your HV or GP maybe?

It’s just all so bloody relentless at the moment isn’t it, is there any way for you to get a break and some time to yourself, I find that helps a lot, even if it’s just lying in the bath for an hour with a book.