Impossible to settle 2 month old. Please help.

[Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp]

My DD is 2 months old. She has been incredibly difficult to settle since day 1, and I'm really struggling to hold onto any hope of improvement (and I know that is a bit ridiculous, but nearly 9 weeks of no sleep will do that to you!)

She isn't my first, but my first was very poorly and spend most of his first year in hospital, fed by NG tube, had no energy due to illness etc, so she feels like my first.

She is generally a very unsettled baby. Most days spends her awake time crying, then will only sleep on us. It's so tiring. Some days we get calm, happy awake time, but it's rare.

She has been on prescription formula for about ten days now (nutramigen and now neocate), which have helped a fair amount, but she is struggling to take a decent amount on any feed. She is also on gaviscon for silent reflux - I've asked for something else but they won't prescribe anything until we've given the neocate time to work (or not).

Very occasionally, she will sleep in her moses downstairs or her next to me crib upstairs. But generally, as soon as we put her down, she starts fussing and eventually crying out and we have to pick her back up.

I just need some tips, guidance, reassurance etc. How do we get her to sleep in her bed and not need to be held by us constantly? We do enjoy the cuddles but I know I'd enjoy them more if we got sleep!

One thing I have considered is the teats on her bottle - we have Tommy tippee bottles and she's on the vari flow teats. Would a faster flow be suitable/work? She will be sucking at the bottle for 15 mins and then when she spits it out and we check, she's only had 30ml! On her previous formula she would have 100ml in that time!

That sounds really tough. My baby is combi fed but I don't have much expertise on bottles. However, I get the thing about not being able to put them down. Mine we 5/6 months before doing reasonable stints in the cot. My solution has been cosleeping but I appreciate that's not for everyone and might make no difference to your LO. Is it worth just trying a different teat?

Is the prescription formula thicker than normal formula? You might need size 2 teats. Size 1 are tiny and IME people move on from them much earlier than the dates on the packaging. It’s worth a try at least, surely?

At 2 months, only sleeping when being held is absolutely normal. My first would wake up the second he was put down - daytime naps were held or in sling, at night we started with DH and I taking shifts, then moved on to cosleeping.

Have you checked that the formula is coming out ok? Is neocate the one which needs to be prepared at room temperature? I found the prescription formulas very prone to being lumpy, which was a nightmare.

I cannot say for sure that what you're experiencing is normal or not normal, that she does or doesn't have reflux or another issue causing her distress. I don't have any experience with bottles/formula etc.

But what I can say is that at this age, it's pretty normal for her to want to be held constantly and perhaps to get upset when she isn't. You've probably already done this, but if not--read up on the fourth trimester and just check this isn't the issue.

If it is the issue, the good news is it doesn't last forever. My baby quickly changed around 10-12 weeks and was happy to be put down. She even started sleeping for a few hours each day and during the evening in her Moses basket.

I recommend a virtual consultation with a sling library and getting something that works, so you can strap her to you. Then you'll have both hands free for your other child, chores, cup of tea/phone etc! And your baby should enjoy the closeness.

They are a bit of a learning curve though. In my sleep deprived state, I used to beat myself up for not being able to do it. Well, truth be known I broke down in tears and had a massive tantrum!!! I don't know why I expected to be an expert at it straight out of the box! A few YouTube videos later and I cracked it.

Good luck.

Thanks all.

I've ordered some medium flow teats on prime so hopefully they get here quickly so we can try them. I think the formula is a bit thicker so fingers crossed that helps her take more and in turn, settle more.

She has been very refluxy today so I'll be contacting the gp again Monday to request a better remedy for that.

Yes I have read about the fourth trimester, so I know it can be normal. It's just so constant and exhausting, it's beyond what we expected or remember with our first, and there's never a magic answer which is really hard to accept. I'm hoping this phase (if that is what it is) passes soon so we can have more playful awake time, rather than her constantly crying, and then we can all be a bit happier than we are right now. It's impacting negatively on the whole family.

I actually bought a close caboo earlier in the week and managed to get a fabric sling locally today, so can try and master both over the weekend to try and help in the day at least.

It's just in my mind that we need to establish good habits etc as soon as we can for the longer term, but I think I need to stop worrying about that for now and keep just getting through each day as best I can.

I would definitly support just doing what you can to get through the day and keep as sane as possible. The first few month are tough but habits can be changed later.

Have you considered co sleeping?

Anecdotally, both mine (3 yo and a 6 mo) have been clingy and impossible to put down in the day I never did manage to get my dd1 to nap in a crib in the day, it was always buggy, car or me. Dd2 seems to be heading a similar way. Dd1 was a nightmare at night too, taking hours at a time to settle multiple times a night. Something changed at 13 month and she has slept through since then.

I couldn't face being quiet that tired with DD2 and I co slept. Dd2 respinded really well and is much easier to settle. I though it would be a nightmare to move her to her own cot / room, but we have done so in the last week she has been much better than dd1. I still can't get her to nap in there during the day, but nights are much much better.

@RenegadeMrs I haven't really considered cosleeping, to be honest. The concept gas never really appealed to us. If it carries on I might read up on it though.

Have you tried giving her a dummy?

I'd recommend playing some white noise in the background whilst babies falling asleep, it reminds them of the womb. I have it playing for my baby or rain sounds are also good. There's plenty on YouTube

@IsolaPribby we try giving her a dummy but she won't take it, it often makes her more irate, annoyingly!

@unsuree we are using white noise, both DH and I have apps on our phone which we have playing all night but doesn't seem to make a jot of difference.

It seems to be getting worse rather than better - last night she just wouldn't be put down at all so between us we were up the whole night with her on us. Not sure what else to try. DH thinks our bedroom is too cold, but she's the same when we bring her down and put her in the moses basket.

When he goes back to work next week and it's all down to me again, it's going to be torture 😩

@Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp have you tried to swaddle the baby and then pop her down once shes asleep swaddled. I did that for my baby when he used to keep me up. It makes baby feel as though someone is still holding them because of the wrap. Not sure if it'll work for you but worth a try.

We did when she was very little using one of those Tommy tippee swaddle sleeping bags, she sleeps with her arms up so she hated it. Could try again though. Anything is worth a go right now.

We're both so at the end of our tethers at the moment and my eldest is really struggling too with the lack of sleep and attention from us. I hate myself for feeling this way, but I'm finding it all so totally unenjoyable at the moment 😞

Does the baby seem happier in a sling? Saved my sanity with my reflux-troubled 2nd baby. It is very hard to settle them lying down if they are being sick a lot and in pain.

Does she have a sleeping bag? To keep her warm? Also we used to prop end of DS mattress up slightly by putting a rolled up towel underneath the mattress so it was slightly higher. He seemed to prefer that to sleeping flat.

I don't know anything about reflux but from what I have read on here I think it's hard work as they don't settle. But then I think it suddenly stops at 12 weeks.

Have you tried infacol drops for the reflux? Do you have a breast feeding pillow that you could snuggle around them so they think your still there or something like this

@SillyOldMummy we haven't tried the sling yet, got it yesterday so need to figure out how to put it on but we're doing that today.

@converseandjeans yes she is in a sleeping bag. We did have the crib inclined but it didn't make any difference so put it flat again.

@leroi98 yes she is having infacol drops, has been for a while but not convinced they've done much. She's also on gaviscon for reflux. I have got a pillow, we started using a sleep head in her crib but the HV said it wasn't recommended by the lullaby trust for safe sleeping so we took it out. But something like that could work as she stays settled if I keep my hand by her head when I put her down.... It just ties me to her crib or moses basket when she's asleep 🙈

Aw sorry to hear that.

leroi98 that elephant pillow looks really dangerous for a tiny baby. Isn't it a suffocation hazard?

@converseandjeans

Aw sorry to hear that.

leroi98 that elephant pillow looks really dangerous for a tiny baby. Isn't it a suffocation hazard?

I did think that myself but as long as your keeping an eye on them which you tend todo a lot when their so little I suppose it would be okay. I'd only test it in the daytime to be honest. I personally would use a breast feeding pillow as it's more firm less likely to cause harm.

[quote Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp]@leroi98 yes she is having infacol drops, has been for a while but not convinced they've done much. She's also on gaviscon for reflux. I have got a pillow, we started using a sleep head in her crib but the HV said it wasn't recommended by the lullaby trust for safe sleeping so we took it out. But something like that could work as she stays settled if I keep my hand by her head when I put her down.... It just ties me to her crib or moses basket when she's asleep 🙈[/quote]
Have you thought about getting a chair swing? That way she'd be sat up& have the rocking motion.

You're getting lots of good things to try here. I see you have tried a swaddle but she likes to have her arms up. We found the love to dream swaddle great as it let's them keep their arms up where they like them. Just a thought!

Extremely against popular advice, but when DD was a baby she had severe colic and reflux, sleeping on her stomach was the only way she’d settle for any length of time if she wasn’t in our arms. But I was absolutely terrified she’d suffocate and refused to let her sleep that way unless I was watching her like a hawk.

Colic and reflux is beyond shit, there is no real treatment or advice anyone can give. It’s a case of sheer survival, it will start easing in a few weeks though

Some really helpful suggestions thanks everyone. We've figured the sling out now so hopefully the days become more manageable. Have also properly decamped to the spare room for the time being so whoever is not up with her is able to get some proper sleep. Feel a bit more mentally prepared for not being in my own bed now I'm properly set up for it, rather than trying to be in bed and feeling frustrated when she inevitably doesn't settle.

She will sometimes go off in her bouncer so might look into a chair sling. Will also look at the dream swaddle.

Fingers crossed for a better night.... Or at least to cope better with a shit night!