2 year old won’t stay asleep by himself HELP

[LittleMG]

Hi there,
I could really do with some advice as I don’t really have any mum friends. My 2 year old DS won’t settle himself in bed, he used to but 2 months ago on his birthday (firework night) he kept waking and needing mummy, now he won’t go to sleep by himself, he has to be rocked and if he wakes up he cries til I go to him and won’t be left.

I’ve tried leaving him and honestly he cried for 5 hours it’s was horrendous, calling mummy etc and really hard crying.

I laid by his bed and held his hand but then he started sillyness/playing

Now I’m on a single mattress with him on the floor of his room halfway through the night I have to go in with him or he cries and cries.

We move (hopefully) in the next week or so and I’ve bought him a little toddler bed. I can’t see things going well.

Any thoughts and ideas would be so gratefully received. Thank you

Leaving for 5 hours is a long time. Have you tried controlled crying and leaving one min and then for two etc?

@Fatas

Leaving for 5 hours is a long time. Have you tried controlled crying and leaving one min and then for two etc?

I was doing that for 5 hours I didn’t leave him longer than 10 mins in between and it just went on and on for hours, he’d go quiet for a bit 15 mins or so then start again.

Ouch! I think the thing with cc is it works if you’re prepared for two/three nights if hell and then it gets better. We did it with our 2.5 year olds kid when he kept getting out of bed in the middle of night and tried to come to ours, but luckily we only had one night where it was bad and then it wasn’t five hours.

Thank you for replying x so that’s normal really and the thing is to keep at it? Me and my husband were laying listening with our hearts breaking. Maybe we’re a bit soft 😂 do you think he’s old enough to understand when I say no babe, you need to go to sleep mummy’s not far etc?

I think it’s really up to you, some people can’t bear controlled crying and there’s no telling how many awful nights you’ll have. I’ve heard you have to stick to it rigidly. So first time cry for 30 secs, comfort and leave, 1 min, comfort and leave, 2 mins etc . You need to time accurately apparently.

Also, I guess nothing comes with 100 percent guarantees. Our little one had a regression at 2.5 six weeks after he moved from toddler bed (he suddenly realised he could get out) prior to that he was an excellent sleeper. It’s likwly the move to a bed will cause more issues. We ended up installing a baby gate, but we often leave it open now- mainly so he can get out for a wee in the middle of the night.

You could of course, let the regression run it’s course in the hope it’s a temporary phase. There’s no right answer, it is what works for you and your family.

I don't know where you're based but I used a sleep consultant, Goodnight Guidance, when my son was 14mths and never looked back.

My friend used them when her son had just turned 2, and within a week he was able to settle himself to sleep.

They are only doing remote consultations because of covid, but I'd strongly recommend them.

Oh and just to add, the sleep consultant wouldn't not recommend moving to a bed with the way things are now. My friend had a bed bought for her sons 2nd birthday and had to keep it for next year.

We had a dreadful time when we moved to a bed at 2.5 and basically had weeks sat on DD's bedroom floor waiting for her to go to sleep. We brought a single bed so one of us could get in during the night if needs be! We did sort of a gradual retreat over the course of a few weeks so lying in bed then sitting on the bed, then next to the bed holding hands, then by the door then popping in and out of the room to now saying goodnight/go back to sleep and that's it. Zero tolerance for mucking around though - if she wanted me to stay, she needed to be in bed being quiet, any attempt at playtime and I'd be out the door.

And yes to baby gate on bedroom, forgot to shut it one night and woke to the sound of her walking downstairs in the dark talking to herself about putting Cbeebies on the TV. 😱

Agree with others about bed. Is there a reason why you want to transfer so soon? I moved my boy at 2.5 and put in a kids single because I needed his cot (concerts to a toddler bed) for our baby. I’ll keep him in his cot for as long as I can get away with

Thank you all so much for this advice! I wanted to put him in a bed because He’s getting too big for a sleeping bag (the zip up body thing) and I’m worried he’ll start trying to climb out of the cot. Also I thought if we’re moving that will cause upset- get it all out the way?!

We used the 18 month to 3 year old bags and found they worked fine. Just move up a sleeping bag size? If he hasn’t tried climbing out yet I’d leave it until he does.

I’ll have a look for them, he’s very tall lol

@LittleMG well you can get them for 6-10 yrs- I doubt hes that tall!

2 is still young. When DD1 started school nursery at 3 about 50% of her class were still cuddled to sleep. I definitely won’t be trying anything new until he gets used to the new house as that would be too much change for him and he maybe scared in his new bedroom.

Slumbersac do sleeping bags upto 6 years and these work well for tall toddlers