Should I threaten no sex to get french dh to speak french with dc?

[beautifulboobs]

We have a 4 year old who refuses to speak french with daddy, mainly because dh hasn't bothered to speak french very much with dd since birth, citing tiredness and general can't be botheredness, and now when I remind him, he rattles off french at her way too fast and she can't understand! He's basically cutting off access to his side of the family, which is already emerging when we visit them, with dd talking only to me or him in english,and it looks like its going to be the same story with 5 month old ds. Any advice?

hmm, difficult one.

you probably know that for her to learn french it's best iof he speaks it ALL the time - and pretends he doesn't speak english. that's a lot to ask if he's not really into the idea (sex or no sex!)

maybe you need to try another tactic. can you ask his mum to talk to him?

HiBB, withholding sex isn't going to do you any favours. How's he going to work out what you mean, does he have to talk in French to her for 30mins for a blow job, an hour for sex etc ... oooh it's all getting horrible.

On the language front, how anglicised is your dh? How good is your French? Is he a talkative type normally or not? All these factors may put him off.

I'm half Greek, and speak French and German as well as Greek. My English husband only speaks English and we only speak English to our 3 dcs. I could have brought them up bilingual but found as my mother language was English and I simply lacked the vocabulary needed for mothering, it would have felt strange and false. Now they're learning French at school and I'm delighted to help and encourage them. My kids are thrilled to be a quarter Greek, I make a point of telling them the myths, heritage, go there as often as possible etc. My feeling on this is that if a child wants to learn a language they can and will when they are ready.

I hope this helps but really if your dh doesn't want to encourage them you either need to learn French yourself or get them along to some classes or something, depending where you live. What about emails to grandmere etc? Good luck.

Not really sure I can give you advice - more of an observation really. My SIL, also French (well half French really, but largest part of her family in French) has never spoken French to her dcs. I think she would now like them to speak French, but has left it too late. The problem is she and my brother only ever speak English (he doesn't speak much French), they live in England and I think it would have felt quite unnatural for her to have spoken to the dcs in French (she is bilingual). IME for a child to become bilingual there has to be a reason for them to speak another language so if you and dh always speak English together and dh is comfortable speaking English with them they don't really have a reason. I think it would be quite strange for your 4 year old if dad suddenly started speaking only in French which is pretty much what he would have to do - my SIL has occasional bursts of French speaking with her dcs, but they can't see the point as they know she speaks English. Ironically my children are bilingual French/English even though dh and I are both English because they go to a French school (they are also fairly fluent in German because it is widely spoken in the playground) they have to speak all three languages to make themselves understood.

I wouldn't really withhold the sex...if only for my own fun . He is a quiet guy, I suppoose. It just kills me, being a natural chatter...er, to see opportunities for communication not being nurtured. I try speaking french, but it's not natural and I make loads of mistakes, so not the best teacher. All his family have spoken to him about it,as it frustrates them too. He is a good guy in every other sense. califright, I'll try Bob, though. Thanks for that

Is there a French nursery/school the dc could attend? That should do the trick. I think they learn best from other dc because the motivation to interact and be accepted is very strong.

I am like your dh - I am english mother tongue but we live in France and my dh speaks only french, so I end up speaking only french to the children.

What about a french club or vids or tv?

I tend to send my children to the uk in the summer to stay with friends and family (or the older ones to work!) to get their english up to speed.

Dd3 will be twelve next summer and will spend a few weeks with her godmother, where she will have to speak english!

I think it might not be too late for the 4 year old and definately not for the baby! My dc were thrown in at the deep end and sent to German Kindergrden without any knowledge of the language when they were 4. They picked it up really easily so if your dh can be talked into it - he should try to speak French with them.
My dh speaks Urdu and Bengali (and Hindi) but he didn't want to confuse the dc when they were small so we only spoke Engkish at home. Now they are 8 and 9 years old and not very pleased about the fact that it'll be alot of hard work and effort on their part to learn atleast one of his langauges whereas if he'd just spoken it with them as babies it would come naturally. Try to get your dh to realise what hard work it is to have to sit and learn French vocab and grammar at school as a second langauge!

I would have thought that intellectual persuasion was the only way to get your DH to speak French to his children. But, as other posters have pointed out, he has got into the habit of speaking English with his children so it would require a lot of commitment on his part to make the switch now.

I am English, my partner is French, we live in France and we each speak our own language exclusively to our daughter. My stepsons don't speak English well at all but we have never made any concessions to that fact - they need to learn English and if they don't like it when I speak English to my daughter in front of them, or we have English speaking friends round, or travel to England to see my family - that's tough, basically. My partner and I have always both been totally committed to being a bilingual family and bit by bit we are drawing my stepsons into that. In fact, although their English isn't great by bilingual family standards, they are always top of their class in English and they have a huge passive baby vocabulary. I'm sure that one day their English will be very good too.

I would just get loads of french dvds of Bob the Builder and stuff like that, and put your children in front of them every day. Also dont forget the radio, keep it tuned to a french channel.

dvds really helped my children when they were learning french and german, and also to keep in touch with english.

The the Waltham Forest Bilingual Group has very useful tips on various issues about raising bilingual kids. I've found it very useful and encouraging. My 19 m.o said chaussette yesterday while I was dressing him up. He's completely unintelligible still so that was very funny!!

Thanks girls. I started hollering "FRENCH" every time he started speaking to dd today. It started off as a joke, but, dh started speaking french with her! And I've bought a dvd on french for kids today which dd started mouthing the repetitions to. It's a start.

I have given up on my husband talking Polish to our kids. He says he really is not that bothered whether his sons knows that part of their heritage. I cant force it, I cant speak Polish, so nothing I can do.
Our oldest spoke Norwegian till he was 3, then we started pressing on with English as he understood very little in his nursery, and was very lonely. He was fluent within a month of me changing from Norwegian to English with him. Now he changes easily between English and Norwegian. Sadly, our youngest will not have the same bilingualism, as he has a mother who speaks English, a brother who speaks English, and English speaking nursery.

Sorry cant help you, though.