Quietly seething, need to vent

[Ohalrightthen]

So fucking inconsequential but was just having a zoom call with on of DH's aunts (other side of the world) and she was shocked that im working full time (DD is 14m). I said "yeah, i went back in March" (when she was 4m) and she made a face like I'd announced i routinely murder kittens and, not one word of a fucking lie, said "oh no, how awful! Your poor baby!"

DH say i was about to explode and ended the call, and then laughed about how much of a fucking cow she is, and i did too because she is awful, but OH MY GOD i am still seething.

Is this really what people think about working mums!? I don't know any SAHPs, all my friends and family and colleagues went back to work, all my NCT group did too, so this is a completely new thing for me and I'm now anxious/seething that people might be thinking "how awful, poor baby!"

*saw

Apologies, gin has been had.

How old is the aunt? It could be a generational thing? My elderly neighbour would probably say something similar.

I guess no-one misses her then, the other side of the world, still sounds too close!

The idea could be generational, but expressing it was rude and manners are not a new thing.

How weird. If she is from the UK it’s was absolutely normal for mums to only have 12-14 weeks maternity leave until 15-20 years ago. I went back after 5 months 15 years ago.

Ah people love to judge other people’s choices. None of her business. I went back when my toddler was 3 months. She’s fine.

.... and why do you care? I have received the equivalent judgement from working parents about being a sahm. What matters is whether you and your family (DH and DD) are happy. There will always be people who disagree with the parenting decisions of others.

And yet it probably didn’t occur to her to be outraged that your dh is presumably in full time work too?

@snowy0wl

.... and why do you care? I have received the equivalent judgement from working parents about being a sahm. What matters is whether you and your family (DH and DD) are happy. There will always be people who disagree with the parenting decisions of others.

I think it's quite normal to be angry and upset when someone implies you're damaging your child!

@MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig

And yet it probably didn’t occur to her to be outraged that your dh is presumably in full time work too?

Oh don't get her started on that, he's the SAHP, apparently that's it's own kind of wrong.

Ive had it too! I have my own small online business and had to start doing orders again at 8 days post partum. Then i started my self employed 'full time job' at 8 weeks pp. I work from home, so i'm still with DS all day.
I have had 'omg but youre missing all of his childhood, dont you feel bad' comments. I turn around and say 'no i dont feel bad because it earns us enough money to give him the best life possible. I certainly wont feel bad when he is in disneyland for his 1st birthday.' normally shuts them up.

I think it might be that you went back when baby was 4m. Though she must have been a SAHM to be so outraged because maternity leave is a new thing and back in the day women often returned to work much sooner than that. My friend’s mum returned to work when she was 3 weeks old and was still heavily bleeding and leaking breastmilk - but needs must.

@Ohalrightthen oh gosh she’s even worse then.

My dc are four and seven. I went back to work at 5 months. For both of them.

You're not damaging them. My boys barely remember their early years, I asked them a couple weeks ago if they ever remembered a certain show they loved when they were tiny. I got odd looks and "No Mummy we dont" off them

Tell your DH's Aunt to keep her nose out. She's raised her kids now you can raise yours. The way you see fit