Toddler still feeding to sleep and co-sleeping - I'm pregnant. Anyone found a solution?

[BertieBotts]

DS2 is currently 2.4 and will be 3 (exactly) when the new baby arrives.

I don't mind tandem feeding if we end up doing that but I am not keen on the idea of co-sleeping with 2 - DS2 is not especially gentle or relaxed in bed and will climb over me to access the other boob, so it feels like a safety issue.

DH reckons we should make some kind of plan to get it manageable before DC3 arrives, I am a bit oh well, let's just see what happens, he might be sleeping through by then (DS1 was). But I might be being a bit too laid back

Any experiences? If this was you what did you do (if anything) and did you regret it or did it go OK?

Just bite the bullet and break the habit ASAP i would say. You're only going to get more pregnant from here on out, so I'd get it sorted now.

Maybe a big boy bed in his own room that he helps choose and set up, new bedclothes, new pyjamas, new toy? And a discussion on how only babies need milk at bedtime and he's a big boy now - milk downstairs before PJs and then up to bed.

It will be really tough, but you need to stick with it. The more you give in the longer it takes.

We slept newborn, me, DH, Toddler

Toddler wasn’t BF by then as my milk went at 4 months PG & she was only about the milk!

You could try night weaning Jay Gordon’s ethos worked for us after a few tries

Method not ethos

I was in this situation and I worked on reducing feeding (but I didn’t want to tandem feed) and daddy trying to re-settle her in her cot at night instead of coming in to us. If she did come in to us I said no feeding and we’d go get her a cup of milk if necessary. It didn’t take long before she just started sleeping through in her own room, I was about 6 months pregnant then and glad of the extra room in bed! I’d start working on it now as if you suddenly ban him from your bed when the new baby is here he might blame the baby and be very jealous. I like the suggestion of getting him a big boy bed and making a fuss of getting bedding he’ll like etc and also try to at least night wean him even if you’re happy to carry on feeding in the day.

I have a similar age gap. I moved DS into a single bed, and lay in with him until he fell asleep (had weaned by then, but could feed to sleep if your happy to continue), then snuck out. Newborn DD slept at/next to boob, but would stay asleep for a while with a cuddle from DH, so for about 6 months I moved back and forth between beds all night depending on who was crying. Fortunately DS started sleeping through at about 3 1/2, as I was getting to the end of my sleep deprivation limits.

If you're lucky your Toddler might self wean as your pregnancy progresses anyway the hormones make it taste different and lots of kids stop liking it. If not it will probably be time to push a reduction in feeding, even if you're not ready to stop entirely.

Yes I have heard some children self wean during pregnancy.

Obviously don't want to suddenly ban him when the new baby arrives but was maybe thinking he might magically grow out of it by then/I could just play it by ear and maybe put the new baby in a cot? :o

Moving to a single bed could work. We need to move DS1 to the small room so are getting him a loft bed as a consolation prize, so his bed will be free for DS2 and eventually the cotbed can be DC3's. However I don't think this will realistically happen until Feb/April time. DS1 was in a single bed by this age and it was much easier at night. I don't know why I agreed to a cotbed this time around.

I find one problem with DS2 is that if we try to settle him in his room without milk he just gets really angry and then eventually is wide awake. There is no soothing him to sleep another way. It's just milk or up. I have been working for the last 4 months as well and on the days DH looks after him he hasn't been able to get him to nap at all except in the car, which we obviously can't do at night. I was hoping starting to nap at nursery would help him link the idea that he can actually sleep without me, but now nursery is closed for who knows how long.

Sometimes if he is in bed with us and I've had enough I just lie on my front so he can't access and if it's earlier than 4am, he'll generally be a bit angry about it but then snuggle down and sleep anyway. After 4am no luck, he is just up for the day. I do have a gro clock on the way which I'm hoping may help? Hard to say.

I have been trying a new routine at bedtime where we have milk and then he goes to lie in his cot, he gets all snuggled up and I hold/stroke his hand and tell him the story of his day with as many boring details as I can remember, that gets him really sleepy, but not actually asleep yet.

He is not really feeding in the day at all, it's only bedtime, naptime and 1-2x in the night but when he wakes at night, he usually won't resettle in the cot.

You're going to have to bite the bullet. Waiting for him to grow out of it is a recipe for disaster unless you're happy to cosleep all 4 of you.

What's his understanding like?

In the day, great. He's very verbal and great with self control. In terms of nights, doesn't make a difference. We've tried suggesting all sorts and he's never receptive to it in the middle of the night when he's half asleep, until he's awake, and then once he's awake he just doesn't see why he can't get up (or makes so much noise/mischief someone has to get up to supervise him).

I suppose the only issue with moving him to a single bed means dropping the plan of trying to settle him in his cot at bedtime/naptime. So maybe I'll just continue with that until we change the rooms and if it's not working by then try the bed plan?

I reducing feeds fairly soon after finding out I was pregnant. Helped by the fact my breasts were soo sore. Went from both breasts to one, then sorter feeds. Also, detached before she was asleep to try and break that link of milk and sleep. First two nights of no breastfeeding she cried for around 10 minutes but settled and has been fine since. I'm 21 weeks at the moment. Now I got yo try and figure out how to stop co-sleeping. She has her own toddler bed but usually only last 3-4 hours before she's crying for me. She loves her dad but will not let him settle her.

My DD was just over 2 when we ended cosleeping and feeding to sleep. At that age, I found reading stories to her really helped her to understand changes before we implemented them. We got several books like “nursies when the sun shines”, “sally weans from nightnursing” and “mamas milk is all gone”. We’d read one of these every day or two. The first time we just read them, then the next time we talked about how she was getting bigger just like the child in the story. We kept up the cosleeping during this. No grumbles when I told her now I was going to cuddle up with her instead of feeding her to sleep. Similar process for ending cosleeping a month later. I didn’t mind the whole process taking about 3 months, so we did it without any tears. I imagine you could do it much faster if you wanted to.

My 7 month is a terrible sleeper, so I’m afraid my help there is rather useless!

However, I have managed to tone down the co sleeping and feeding overnight. Well, he still feeds, but I now only feed him from chair in our bedroom rather than bed, so no feeding whilst sleeping.

He now sleeps 8.30pm-4/5am in his cot ( with waking 3-4 times still, but settling back in cot after feed or with dh settling without feed). And just joins use in bed the last few hours. I think banning any feeds in the actual bed helped. I also wear a top to bed so he can’t easily just feed.

No I'm quite happy for it to take 3 months - I have 8!

Books might be a goer now. DH has been reading him "The biggest bed in the world" and changing the last line so that all the mums, dads and babies are happy in their own beds :o he keeps asking for the story so he definitely likes it.

Well, if you’re happy for it to take a while then I don’t think you’ll have any difficulty. I was really worried just before we started becUse you hear about “making a rod for your back” etc and I was worried it would be really hard to make changes. It really wasn’t. And we have no long term issues, DD is 4 now and the only sleep issue she has is that her baby brothers wake her up when they cry

I passed it all over to DH and slept in the spare room with the door shut. DS1 was night weaned, and then fully weaned, in a month. I did it right at the start of the pregnancy so that ds1 wasn't overwhelmed with change and also because early pregnancy makes me feel like I've been hit by a bus so I really couldn't cope with the night wakings. Incidentally, DS1 has slept through ever since (and was a terrible sleeper before). I believe DH started off co-sleeping and gradually made the move to DS1's own bed. He was a lot better at it than me as I'd been trying the same for ages with no success at all!

Oh god I think I might be too hormonal and emotional to cope with reading some of these books :o

I just read a tiny bit of "Mama's Milk is All Gone" and it nearly made me cry :o :o

I would love to hand off to DH but it doesn't seem to work...

My daughter was exactly the same age. She was 3 years and 12 days when DD2 arrived. We weren't co sleeping but I was still feeding her to sleep. I just explained to her that the milk for the new baby was coming and so it was too sore to feed her any more. It took a while but she got there and by the time her baby sister was born she didnt really remember breastfeeding. Best to do it early so they forget by the time baby arrives.