Baby number 2 yes or no?

[LouMoo13]

Hi, I'm after experiences both good and bad of having a second baby. My DD is 2 and husband is keen for us to try for another. I always wanted two children but... I had bad PND after DD, took ages to bond and in all honesty hated the baby phase, the breastfeeding, the lack of sleep just everything! Now she's a toddler I love it! So if anyone experienced similar was it better or worse when you had a second? Thanks.

My eldest was 2 and 2months when I had DD who is 6months now. I found the early days really difficult with breast feeding and feeling touched out. It's good your toddler would be abit older as hopefully abit more independent. I still found my toddler needed me alot. I also found and still do to some extent, bedtimes really hard. The baby wanted to cluster feed and the toddler just wanted me. Trying to do them both together didn't work as the toddler was trying to climb all over the baby so one had to cry with DP (which was hard on him too). I also had to watch the toddler constantly and never leave them alone together. It was and is very tiring.

However it's lovely hearing the toddler talk about the baby and sometimes he makes her laugh and laugh which is so cute. I am still finding things hard when I'm on my own with both of them but it's easier than it was and I can see glimpses of them playing together etc. I really wanted a sibling for my son and definitely don't regret it although if I hadn't of been so old think it might have been better to wait to ttc until he was 3.

Sorry meant to say I also hated baby stage and love toddler stage, I did struggle bonding with the baby but I was less worried about it as knew it would come. Breastfeeding was easier too but not sure if that was baby related. This time around you know the sleeplessness nights won't be forever so it's less of an adjustment. I think the baby part is easier when toddler not around and definitely helps if they go to nursery mine goes 3mornings which is a godsend.

Some things have been easier and some harder.

My second baby is easier in that she didn’t have colic and is more laid back generally than her big brother.

However, having two has been really full on and looking after them both on my own five days a week during the first lockdown nearly broke me. Once my eldest was able to return to nursery and then when I started back at work p/t my mental health really improved.

How easy/hard you find it probably will depend on you and your children’s personality, stuff like how well you deal with stress, how much your eldest will play independently, whether your second baby is a good sleeper. My eldest is a really intense child who wants attention non-stop so that has made things more difficult.

Thank you both... interesting and definitely food for thought...

I was the same, always imagined having two and then struggled with the lack of sleep and the constant neediness and being touched out (I am an introvert). I think it helped knowing I don’t like the baby stage going into it, as no matter how bad it got (reflux baby and Covid lockdown so a toddler bored at home all week too) I knew things would improve at 6/9/12 months. No2 is a year old now and such a joy. And his relationship with his sister is so lovely. But I’m definitely not having another.

Personally I find two more than double the work (4yo and nearly 2yo). They still bicker quite a lot and while they can play together, the older one gets frustrated by the younger one. Individually they are both lovely but together quite challenging.it may be worth thinking about whether you might want a bigger gap abs having the oldest in school. That brings a whole range of other challenges (different needs and interests) but less double running.