Teaching nearly 4yo to self settle

[inthethickofit19]

Hi

My 3.5yo was successfully settling to sleep himself up until he had a bad reaction to a medication which triggered off some issues.

He's fine again now but during the bad few months (5 nearly) we've been lying beside him till he sleeps.

Any tips on how to get back to self settling? If we leave him in his room he keeps calling us / coming back out and starts to mess around. It takes longer to get him to sleep so we resort to lying beside him instead

Pick a time when you will stick to not lying down with him. Really I think. You don’t need anything here but consistency - you know he can do it and he’s old enough to understand.

You literally just need to stop doing it, and stick to it.

Keep putting him back. It won’t take long.

Have wine ready

I would try leaving for short periods, make an excuse like you need a wee. Then increase the time over time. Eventually you'll find he drops off without you there. At that point you can suggest that you tuck him in but promise to check on him when you go to bed yourself.

@inthethickofit19 my DD had to hold my hand every night to get to sleep and every time she woke up in the night. When she was maybe 4 I started to say I couldn’t sit by her bed as it was making my back hurt so would sit on the chair in her room. Then after a week or so I said I was cold on the chair so would sit by the radiator near the door. Then it was too dark there to read whatever I needed to read etc etc. I gradually backed out of the room.
When it came to the point of staying downstairs I said I had a job to do and I’d come up every 2 minutes to kiss her and I literally did just that. I said if she shouted or came down I wouldn’t come.

We just stretched it out. A whole lot of messing and I’m sure there are quicker ways but wanted to do it without endless hours of upset.

Wish us luck - trying it tonight! Just hope he doesn't scream the house down when we try and leave ...

How did it go @inthethickofit19?

He wouldn't stay in his room, kept coming and lying on the floor being silly etc so in the end dad sat on his bedroom floor until he fell asleep

It's a step better than lying next to him I guess.

We've tried the same today but similar - just kept running out every time he was taken back. So dh is sitting on his bedroom floor

It will work. Keep at it, keep putting him back.

I was at this stage 12 months ago with DS 5&6.

Took a week for them to finally stay in there on their own after a story.

It will work. Keep at it!

We're now sitting outside his bedroom door out of sight.. he seems to be beginning to get it. Was asleep by 8 yesterday which was the earliest in a long time. He's constipated and I think that's really bothering him at the moment so we've started on some movicol with limited success