Velcro baby and toddler...how do I actually do this?

[harrietm1987]

DC1 is 2.5, DC2 is 6 weeks and ebf. I cannot put DC2 down! She cries to be held and feeds very frequently - to sleep as well as when she’s hungry, which is often. I’ve been carrying her in the sling most of the day so I can have hands free to deal with the 2 year old but it’s not ideal because I’m getting back pain, there’s stuff that’s difficult to do with her in sling (bending and sitting on floor) and it’s also just a bit of a barrier for poor DC1 that he never has me to himself.

I’m just at a loss for what to do - should I be encouraging her to sleep elsewhere during the day or is she too young? And if I did get her to sleep in say her sleepyhead downstairs (had one from DC1, never use it unsupervised) then I feel like could be restrictive in another way, as DC1 and I would have to stay in that room with her.

I feel like current arrangements are unsustainable - I’m feeling touched out and exhausted and feel so sorry for DC1. DH is around over Christmas but in Jan will be out all day every day so I’d like some kind of solution! What do other people actually do?

You need some help with a better sling or to get the one you have more comfy. Get your older child to bring toys to the table and ceebies is fine when needed.

Sling is ergo 360. I used it with DC1 and it was excellent. I think the issue is that because the baby is so small I need to wear it high up so the weight is over the middle of my back rather than the bottom.

Even if it was super comfortable though I’d still have the bending down issue and the fact that I can never cuddle DS1 as the baby is always attached to me. I’d love it if she could just have 1 nap somewhere that wasn’t on my body! I adore her but we are co sleeping as well and I just feel completely worn out.

Oh and DS watches probably about 30 mins of TV a day - feel like more than this isn’t great for him at his age?

The more I write I feel like there probably is no magic solution and I just need to suck it up. At the moment I feel like I’m being a crap parent for them both.

Do you have a swing? I highly recommend a swing, and a dummy. Put it on the fastest setting and put some white noise on.

The Ergo will be great when the baby's older but I'd use a wrap type for a newborn - caboo or similar.

How's little one in the pram? If your wrap her up in a snowsuit etc and DC1 jumps on the buggy board, can you go on some long walks to get the baby to drop off?

We don’t have a swing but I will see if I can borrow one! We’ve got a baby bjorn bouncer and she will sit in it while awake and not feeding (which isn’t often!) but won’t sleep in it. She won’t tolerate the pram either 🤦‍♀️. We do go out for walks/to the park a lot and that’s usually what works best for us all as DC1 isn’t trying to clamber all over me when the baby is feeding etc, but our opportunities are so limited with the bad weather and short days at the moment. Tier 4 not helping either!

I get DD2 was/is very much a Velcro baby. I’m sorry I didn’t find another way around it.

My 7 week old is permanently attached to me. Makes entertaining my 3 yr old very tricky. Thankfully DH is working from home so I shout to him regularly to fetch things when I’m trapped under a baby! We have a small IKEA Latt table which I pull over to the sofa so I can do puzzles, games, play doh etc either the toddler.

I have the Ergo 360 which is great from about 4/5 months but not so much for a newborn. I had a Close Caboo last time which was better but a bit fiddly. I picked up a second hand Ergo Embrace sling this time and it’s been brilliant!

But yeah, slings are annoying, heavy and get in the way but it’s the only solution I’ve found so far. Whenever I’ve got him to sleep off me, he’s been awake 20 mins later. He has started tolerating the bouncer or play mat for very short periods and I’m hoping these will grow. Basically I’m resigned to having him attached to me until at least 12 weeks then hoping it gets a bit easier from there.

I had similar I used CBBC's more than I would like-alot more than 30mins a day. I figured it's only for a finite time and can go back to less time when babies older. Although now baby is 6months will only feed when interesting toddler not around so CBBC's is toddler sitting again!

My second was a Velcro baby with reflux. Oh happy days
I’m afraid I had to leave her to fuss sometimes more than I would have with my first. It was hard so I sympathise. I battled to establish naps to make life easier. I did end up spending more time walking her to sleep in the pram and then using that time to play with dd1. Good luck - once she could sit up it got easier.

@harrietm1987

Oh and DS watches probably about 30 mins of TV a day - feel like more than this isn’t great for him at his age?

The more I write I feel like there probably is no magic solution and I just need to suck it up. At the moment I feel like I’m being a crap parent for them both.

I have 18 months between mine and my eldest was watching TV for about three hours a day easily at least. I really wouldn't be concerned over 30 minutes!! I had the same issue as you until my youngest was about 18 months or so sorry, so I can't be of any further help unfortunately. Its a bit better at 2 and 4 now though if that's any consolation.

No advice just sympathy. Dc2 was latched on 20 hours a day at the start (woke up if I un latched). By 6 months I got it down to 10 hours a day. Plus I had breastfeeding aversion. It was just so awful. She's just started sleeping through occasionally aged 5. I have a lot of grey hair.
Can you get childcare for the toddler? Mine lived off Snacks and TV for a long time unfortunately.

Your second baby is still so young, please don't worry about your older child watching more than 30 mins of TV a day! This isn't forever... you just need to get out of the 4th trimester with your little one. A few months of TV binging really isn't going to do any harm! You can always all cuddle up together on the sofa while your baby is feeding so that you're still getting time with him. Try feeding your baby in a rugby hold position so that you have space on the other side for a proper cuddle! And this bit will pass 😊

Thank you for the replies - I guess I needed some reassurance that it wasn’t just because I’m failing somehow and it is normal and I just need to wait for time to pass! Some good suggestions - will try the table by sofa and rugby hold, and up the tv time!

Do you have help? Someone to come cuddle your baby so you can give your olde one some proper attention? I’ve got 7 week old twins and would NOT be coping with olde Dd without the help I’ve been getting from my parents each day.

Remember, your baby will be a couple of weeks older in January. Sometimes a couple of weeks makes a big difference in terms of independence and sleep Patterns.