My toddler hates me and I can't cope with it

[YellowEllis]

My toddler is acting like he hates me. I spend 5 days a week just me and him. I cook all his meals. Comfort him when he's sad. Play with him for hours a day. His dad is off work for Christmas, it's been a week and at first I thought it was just the novelty but I've been in tears this morning. If I dare to pick him up he will cry so hard, full tears streaming down his face. He only wants his dad. Only his dad can play with him, put him to bed, give him cuddles. Not just preference, but absolutely hysterical tears, sad sobbing as opposed to a tantrum if I dare go near him. Second his daddy picks him up it all stops. It's totally breaking my heart. He's acting scared of me, like he hates me, I'm not getting a look in and just feel totally devastated to be honest. Never want to see him that visibly upset and all because I tried to hold him. I don't know what to do

Does anyone what I can do. I'm locked in the bathroom in tears being pathetic. It's just been a relentless 7 days of it and I feel emotionally drained.

Awwww it sounds like he’s enjoying spending time with his dad for a change. I don’t think he’s crying because he doesn’t want you, more he wants his dad whilst he’s available. It’ll probably go back to normal when his dad returns to work. Try not to take it personally

Could you let daddy spend time and look after son and you grab some much needed me time? I’d be tempted to have a nice relaxing soak in the bath, rather than crying

I know it's so hard but take some much needed rest while daddy's the favourite, babies go through stages, he doesn't hate you he just wants to spend some time with daddy and I bet you could do with some "you" time, get a bubble bath on and some wine.

I think it's more about his dad than about you. He wants him as much as possible/finds it weird having him there more and the way to get that attention from dad is to cry when you come. I don't think it's personal.

It’s a horrible feeling, I think everyone’s been there at some point. Your toddler definitely doesn’t hate you, they just want their dad right now. It’s a novelty. I know it doesn’t make you feel any better but it’s true, try not to take it personally. In a few weeks, your toddler will probably be wrapped around your knees all the time and you’ll be desperate for them to want to go to dad! Just give them this time together, know that it’s nothing personal (toddlers don’t have the capacity to be personal about these things) and make the most of having a bit of time to yourself.

Apparently its a normal developmental phase. I've heard they are like this with one parent and then a while later, like this with the other.
I honestly wouldn't worry and he will come to you when he's ready.
When its your turn to be 'flavour of the month' you may just miss the spare time!
Have a bath, read a book, take a nap... I'm sure it won't last long.

My toddler cried like the world was ending when I made him wear his black shoes instead of his blue ones last week. It was heart-breaking, but he had got his blue shoes wet in a puddle earlier.

He also sobbed in the car because daddy turned left instead of right at the end of our drive when daddy took him for a drive to look at Christmas lights last week.

Honestly it seems personal when humans are involved, but it isn't really.

Your son probably thinks, if mummy does this, then it means daddy won't and I like daddy and I don't see him much so I'll scream until I get daddy back. You, sadly, are entirely taken for granted.

My son constantly asks for daddy, from the second he wakes up. He doesnt scream at me, but he pushes me off my chair and asks daddy to sit in it at dinner time. He is so excited when daddy gets home from work, he is ready to explode with giggles and mad running around.

Your son loves you, he just likes the novelty of having daddy to himself.

You've got to find a way to reassure yourself that it's not personal. He doesn't hate you, you're just such a fixture in his day-to-day life as to be uninteresting compared to his dad who isn't usually around as often 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's a novelty thing, but novelty wears off. What doesn't wear off is the comfort we all get from the things that make our lives consistent and "safe" and that's what your DS obviously gets from you.

Look at it this way OP, you are his constant, you are always there no matter what. He can cuddle you, speak to you, have fun with you whenever he wants. As a PP said you are entirely taken for granted because of this, but it is amazing that he has the security from you and he will know you are always there in the background ready to love him.

As his Dad has to work, he isn’t a constant so it’s a novelty as others have said.

I’m sure you do everything for your child and dad may sometimes be in the background doing things around the house, so even when he’s there he isn’t “there”. My baby sits by the door and cries if she knows daddy is in the house but isn’t in the room 🙄

Thanks all. I do try and tell myself that but I thought it would stop after a few days. As the weeks gone on it's just gotten worse and worse. I feel pathetic getting so upset but it really is heartbreaking to see him so desperate to get away from me.

Mine is just coming out of that phase. Had a very long summer of her refusing to take comfort from me if DH was home, wanting him to do all tasks etc. The tide is turning a bit now and we're back to 50/50. No rhyme or reason to it.
I found it incredibly hard, and have spent lots of time crying in the bathroom about it It really isn't personal, and it really is just a phase. It's just really bloody hard when it's in the middle of it.

I’ve seen so many threads like this that I am actually ready and prepared for my 2.5 year old to start rejecting me. When/if he does, I will be enjoying a bit of me time. I hope you can see from the many on this thread alone that it is just a phase and not a reflection on your relationship

He's learning about relationships. He will be watching how you and your husband relate to each other. He hasn't got the skills yet to have a relationship with both of you so he concentrates on just the one. It is not personal.
It hurts though. Just be patient and things will change quicker than you think.

OP I'm in the middle of this!!! DD has just started to want dad all the time and not me. I'm really trying to tell myself this is a phase (which it is) and that I should enjoy it (I am trying) but it has cut really deep and really really hurts. So Im right here with you. Im looking at old videos of our bond and telling myself it will come back, this phase shall pass.

P.s. don't beat yourself up or call yourself pathetic! It's only natural it hurts. Xx