5yo DD 'I have no interests'

[BeautifulSofa]

I feel really sad for my DD.

She has a dominant older brother (8) who is very bright and focused and leads their activities all the time. I have a toddler who takes up a lot of my time - I'm a SAHM.

Every eve I allow her and her brother to play for an hour 7.30 - 8.30 then they go to bed. Usually drawing / Lego / craft type stuff. They do this beautifully together and cause me no problems.

This eve they were at odds with what to do for 'playtime' and he just wanted to read, which she can't yet do independently.

She was crying in her room so I went up and she said 'I want to play with Lego and he doesn't' so I tried to encourage her to play on her own, but she said that was no fun. He'd decided to play with Lego anyway so I sent her into his room and they played nicely and went to bed fine.

I feel really bad that she has none of her own interests - he is such a motivated and kind of hobbyish child and relishes in his role as big sibling and leads all their activities. She can definitely hold her own socially and is very grown up and funny and happy.

This eve after their playtime she came downstairs to say goodnight and have a kiss, and said 'there's nothing I want to do at playtime if it's my choice' and I feel really sad for her; I don't know what to do - I feel like as soon as she can read it'll be fine because she loves listening to stories and is very bright - but for now she's dependent on her brother and I feel like a shit parent because my toddler takes up so much of my time she as middle child has a rough deal.

Any advice or similar experience?

Sounds like standard sibling tensions!

Also, lockdown parenting episodes have been shite and she is definitely behind where she should be reading wise. Sometimes a whole week goes by and I haven't heard her read.

She's so used to not getting my one-on-one attention she doesn't ask for it.

I can't give advice from a parent perspective as I only have one child at the minute but you mentioned she likes listening to stories so have you considered getting her something like a yoto player or a toniebox so she can listen to some stories (or music) when her big brother doesn't want to play? I think you can get quite well known stories for them so she could follow along with the storybook to help her with her reading too.

I have big brothers and I know when I was growing up any activity was so much more fun if they were involved, I was definitely demanding on their time and definitely cramped their style (they were 13 and 9 years older than me) - I particularly remember crashing my eldest brother's date and made him (and his date) play frustration with me for hours . It could just be that she looks up to her big brother at this age and her own interests will develop as she grows up a bit more.

Don't feel guilty, it sounds like you've done an amazing job with them all as they get on so well. The toddler won't be tiny forever and you will find it easier to spend more one on one time with her. In the meantime could you encourage her to practice her reading to the toddler? Or encourage her to start taking the lead on deciding on an activity in preparation for when the toddler is old enough to play with them (kind of a "you're the big sister so what do you think you should play" thing)

Lockdown has been hard on everyone so please be kind to yourself.

Please make time to listen to her read. It’s only 10 minutes a day and would make a huge difference.
I know it’s not easy as I have 3 with almost the exact age gap as you have and I also had to make an effort with dc2. Even now, dc2 seeks dc1 out rather than me sometimes as they’re so close and I relied on that closeness so I could carry on with the baby.
Dc2 has developed their own interests now and goes to activities of their own.
Don’t worry too much about it, just spend some time with her daily and maybe do a weekly activity. encourage any interests you pick up on.