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Advice needed re taking out 3 month old

15 replies

Embalina · 19/12/2020 17:59

Looking for experiences and advice.

3 month old DS has never been majorly keen on the pram and whenever awake in it would get upset.
We’ve now changed him to the car seat which attaches to wheels so he’s more upright and can see out. When we go for walks, he gets upset within 10 mins, I put him in the sling, feed him, and he normally goes to sleep so walks are sort of OK.
He is normally OK being put in the car seat, in the car, and then for short journeys, even falls asleep. But when the car stops he tends to cry and get himself so upset. And there was a horrible time recently when my mum and I took him to the local farm shop - he got overwhelmed when there, and then screamed nearly all the way home. We’re trying to get him used to going for walks in the seat and also in the car. People’s advice in my mum’s generation would be to do it, let him cry and eventually he’ll get used to it but that doesn’t feel right.
I know if I had another child who went to school, he’d just have to get used to it as we’d have to go on the school run, but it’s almost worse that I haven’t had anything like that that forces us out every day so now constantly doubting what the right thing to do is. And seriously, if I’m told once more ‘babies don’t come with a manual’ I think I’ll scream!

I don’t know whether to start small, give him good experiences and build up, like going a little further each time, or go out, know he’ll probably get upset, and just try to comfort him through it and big cuddles when we’re home. I’m driving myself crazy trying to think of the right approach. My husband is off work for 2 weeks so trying to do something every day with him and an extra pair of hands.

Any experiences would be gratefully received - thanks very much in advance

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KatieKat88 · 19/12/2020 18:11

He's only 3 months old - just coming out of the 4th trimester period. Give him time - he will be happier at being out and about one day! I'd say little and often to build him up but don't put yourself under too much pressure, there's no point and will just stress you out. Is there a baby class you could do a trial lesson for? He might be happier inside and somewhere different to distract him.

Respectabitch · 19/12/2020 18:17

If he's happy in the sling, I'd just sling him a lot.

Whatever you do, he will grow out of it by himself anyway, probably by 6 months or so. So I frankly wouldn't bother doing anything very much, certainly not anything by way of trying to "train" him. Travel when you need to by whatever means you prefer.

SacreBleeeurgh · 19/12/2020 18:32

If you haven’t tried a dummy yet, give that a crack - and I say that as a hippy extended/demand breastfeeding, sling-wearing, responsive parenting-type...! (For the record my tongue is placed firmly in my cheek as I make this statement....)

But, yeah, dummies are fucking great sometimes, in the car being one of those scenarios. And he will grow out of it in another few months,

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SacreBleeeurgh · 19/12/2020 18:34

(And yes, he sounds like he might be a sling lover! Nothing wrong with that! Mine spent the majority of the first 6 months in a stretchy or woven wrap... is now a thoroughly unclingy, chilled out 14 month old...)

crazychemist · 19/12/2020 18:45

Start small. Lots don’t like the car seat at that age. Mine didn’t till 5 months, then she was totally fine. If you have to drive to places, can you have an adult in the back to sing/distract as much as possible?

Embalina · 19/12/2020 19:07

This is why I love mumsnet, feel so reassured already.

@crazychemist That’s really reassuring to know that lots of babies don’t like it at this stage. I was really confident right at the start and then a few bad experiences eroded that away and then I didn’t go out for a while. I’ve been kicking myself and thinking other people would be sorted by now.

@KatieKat88 Definitely putting myself under a lot of pressure I think. I’ve been so conscious of the 4th trimester and was getting good at listening to his needs and my intuition rather than others. Co-slept at about 6 weeks onwards to respond to what I thought he was telling me he needed and that was the best decision.
We actually go to a mother and baby group on a Wednesday and he’s fine with that, it’s about 5 mins up the road at the church. I’m sitting in the back with him at the moment when we go out in the car when he gets upset and even today that was OK in calming him to a certain extent, he stopped crying enough to open his eyes and look at me. I’ll want to utilise that as much as possible. Certainly going somewhere, being able to chill out and have a sleep before the return journey seems to help.

@Respectabitch Firstly, love your name Grin I agree. Anything associated with the word train gives me shivers. I just don’t want to make things worse for him later on if I haven’t taken him out enough now, but that does make sense and is reassuring to think he’ll just grow out of it by himself by 6 months. He doesn’t like being in any of the slings to start (just bought a second hand Caboo to trial with him) with but once he’s fed he seems to settle and go to sleep.

@SacreBleeeurgh Haha! Yeah I was wondering about the dummy today. We’ve used a dummy with him on and off, he’s rejecting it a lot at the moment but he takes it when we time it right, and he was trying to suck my hand in the car so think he probably would have taken it then. I agonised over trying it for ages, then did and it worked for one night and then not the next! It was like wow, didn’t need to expel all that energy! I’m definitely fine with the extended baby wearing. It’s what he’s telling us he wants and I’m happy to give it to him. It’s tricky that he likes to be free-held rather than sling-worn, but now I’ve sort of got sling-feeding down, he’s tolerating it more when out of the house. She says with two wrist splints currently on...

OP posts:
Sam478 · 19/12/2020 19:23

My 5 month was the same, I gave up using the pram and just used the sling everywhere we went. Then at 4 months we changed the pram to the next seat up and so much happier in that. Also the car he always cried, still does a lot of the time, but will nod off sometimes now I if he’s tired but not over tired.

User0ne · 19/12/2020 19:32

Both my 2 were sling lovers until they could walk independently. Both would tolerate the buggy/carseat for a decent period (say 40mins) by 8m with little extra input/entertainment from me. That doesn't mean there weren't some days where they screamed flat out from the moment they were put in the seat to the moment they got out of it though.

Babies don't have a sense of time so the idea of "little and often" isn't applicable. What they understand is what they are experiencing in the immediate moment; I'm uncomfortable/I want to be held/I'm hungry/everything is good and I'll coo beautifully etc

The result of this is that you have to tough it out. I would avoid unnecessary journeys, use the sling wherever possible if they're happier in that and wait till they start being happier in the carseat/buggy before using them.more than absolutely needed.

If you're doing supermarket shopping then they'll be big enough for a back carry soon and that makes it loads easier. Neither of mine would tolerate a trolley either little darlings*

KatieKat88 · 19/12/2020 19:41

Just thought, is he in the carry cot bit of the pram? Might be easier when he's in the other bit and more upright? Have you had any feeding issues? I'm thinking reflux specifically. Glad you feel reassured - my DD is 13 months now and the most important thing (to me at least!) that I've learnt is that they go through so many phases - the tough bits will pass, and it's normally in baby's own time. So this will too Smile

Respectabitch · 19/12/2020 20:21

If it helps, I just used to sing very loudly in the car to drown out the crying. And sometimes because it actually soothed the baby in question. Or I would crank Classic FM up. Until they grew out of it Smile

Embalina · 19/12/2020 20:24

@KatieKat88 Yeah I think it will be easier once he’s in the pushchair part. He hated the pram where he was laid down and isn’t too happy in the car seat on the wheels. No feeding issues luckily, that’s gone so well. I think he has started getting a bit of reflux though as he’s just recently starting vomming a little after feeds, that’s an interesting thought. Trying not to wish the time away as he is gorgeous at this age but also really looking forward to future months when this stage will have passed. Thank you x

@Sam478 I think we’ll probably be doing that from now on. I’m hoping he likes the Caboo sling a bit more.

@User0ne I feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of only doing necessary journeys and not forcing it. I said to my husband earlier that I think I really need to drum into myself about trusting my intuition - we took him out earlier for a drive and short walk and he got upset and it felt horrible. That totally makes sense about them just experiencing what’s in the here and now, their immediate experience. So I really just need to make every necessary trip as easy and as enjoyable for him as possible and know that’s all I can do.

Thank you everyone for replying, it has made me feel so much better and I really appreciate it. I’m going to carry on doing what feels right for him and for us and not force us into needless trips out that are stressful for everyone. He is such a happy, secure little baby so far, I want to do everything I can to build on that.

OP posts:
Embalina · 19/12/2020 20:25

@Respectabitch Definitely - we’ve made up a couple of songs for him in his little life and I sing one of them quite loudly in the car quite often, partly to soothe him but also trying to sing my way through it! Classic FM is a good shout too

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harrietm1987 · 21/12/2020 19:49

Mine hated the pram until he could sit up in it, so we used the sling exclusively for the first 6 months. From 6 months on he loved the pram! I haven’t even bothered trying my second baby in the pram yet for this reason - she’s 2 months and has been in the sling from day 1. It’s more convenient anyway.

DC1 hated the car seat too - one of us just had to sit in the back with him to distract him. We don’t have a car so only ever went in taxis (so could always sit beside him). If you have to drive then definitely have lots for him tk look at.

Embalina · 22/12/2020 09:41

@harrietm1987 That’s really helpful to know. He’s been making this face when he gets frustrated in the car seat and I think it’s because he wants to properly sit up but it doesn’t let him as it’s quite reclined (plus he’s not able to), so I think he’ll be the same when he gets to around 6 months and we can use the pushchair seat.
The Caboo was a relative success indoors yesterday, trying it outside today, I think he’ll predominantly be a sling baby for a while!

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Joeyandpacey · 22/12/2020 12:01

Mine was a sling baby till 14 months old! If you think about it prams etc are a very modern invention. It’s not surprising they don’t like them!!

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