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Being rejected by 2 year old

13 replies

Corilee2806 · 18/12/2020 20:08

Hi all, I realise this is a relatively common issue and I need to get a thicker skin but I’m looking for advice as to how to deal with this! I should start by saying I’m 31 weeks pregnant so feeling extra tired and hormonal and sensitive and well... 2020.

My 2 year old DD is generally an absolute delight but over the last few months she’s started to show a massive preference for my husband and now actively rejects me, I know this is about having choice at this age, but I find it so hurtful! It started off with her only wanting her dad to put her to bed and that’s improved a bit now as we’ve tried our best to insist on alternating it although I felt so anxious every evening knowing she’d have a full meltdown if she had to be put to bed by me.

Now, she doesn’t want me to do anything for her and insists on being dressed, fed, holding hands, pushed in buggy etc - basically everything - by daddy. She frequently tries to send me away, push me out of the room and say mummy go to bed etc. I know it’s all part of the phase but it’s just making me miserable and like a failure as a mum and honestly, like I won’t cope with having two or be any good at it. I can’t tell anyone as I don’t want pity but just hate feeling like this and being so unable to cope with it. I know things will change even more when the baby comes and that this is possibly affecting her behaviour, she is quite switched on for her age so I reckon she has some awareness.

Would be great to hear of any other similar experiences, and not just those who think getting a break is brilliant (it can have upsides, but I’d still much rather be able to look after my daughter properly!). I just want my little girl back!

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CottonSock · 18/12/2020 20:10

Mine went in phases between me and daddy. usually I was preferred and I didnt particularly enjoy it.

Ohalrightthen · 18/12/2020 20:59

To be honest, with a new baby on the way, a toddler who prefers daddy is a godsend.

FollowThatStarTonight · 18/12/2020 21:09

I understand where you're coming from but you need to just ride it out.

Try to get your DH on board so that you're a team. Ask him to always be positive about you (and you about him) so she knows you're all in it together. So if she says 'daddy give cuddle!' he could reply 'ok but you know who gives brilliant cuddles, mummy!'

When she says 'i love daddy more!' you say 'yes I love daddy too! And I love you soooo much!'

I suspect that with the baby on the way soon she's testing the boundaries and security of your love. Her thought process is, 'if I push mummy away, will she still be there as my mummy no matter what?' and the answer needs to be positively yes. Turn every negative round to a positive that reassures her you, and daddy, both love her.

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polkadotpixie · 18/12/2020 21:18

I'm constantly getting 'don't like Mummy' at the minute from my 2 year old. It does hurt but I know he doesn't really mean it and is just testing boundaries

He also says 'don't like Paw Patrol' and 'don't like cheese' and they are both definitely lies so I'm trying not to take it personally!

BeautyAndTheBump1 · 18/12/2020 21:56

Dont take it personally, as its definitely not meant personally. It's just a phase, you could be flavour of the month next month & daddy be the one she doesnt want.
Personally I'd put my feet up and let daddy do all the work and enjoy it whilst it lasts. Because it wont be long, she'll be after you again soon Grin

Hill1991 · 18/12/2020 22:19

@BeautyAndTheBump1

Dont take it personally, as its definitely not meant personally. It's just a phase, you could be flavour of the month next month & daddy be the one she doesnt want. Personally I'd put my feet up and let daddy do all the work and enjoy it whilst it lasts. Because it wont be long, she'll be after you again soon Grin
I definitely second this my son went through the stage off only daddy would do, now he's all me, next week/month he will be all daddy again I won't get a look in
Ticklemynickel · 18/12/2020 22:59

I'll swap with you! 2yo and new baby here and I can't look at the baby without my older DD suddenly having an urgent need for me to do something with her or help her in someway.

It's just a phase and not a reflection on you, try not to take it to heart.

MsTSwift · 18/12/2020 23:03

I had this same age with oldest child one of my sisters did too with her oldest. It’s really upsetting. For both of us it was a phase that passed. Dd1 14 now and as affectionate as a 14 year old can be 😁. Sisters lad is 8 now and equally lovely. Just hang in there xx

Fatas · 18/12/2020 23:05

Embrace it. I'd be saying to my partner oh sorry she wants you to dress/bath her and getting myself a cup of tea/glass of wine. 😂

Kettlingur · 18/12/2020 23:15

My boy did this as well, especially when I was the stay at home parent. It was a bit upsetting but I think he wanted to "try me" to see that he could push me away and I would still be there.

Then he went to daycare and suddenly Mummy was #1 again.

Corilee2806 · 18/12/2020 23:20

Thank you for all your advice and experiences - I know I need to not take it personally but I honestly think it’s the hormones, pregnancy and general stress of a lot of things at the moment making my response to it worse. I know the worst thing I can do is react to her and show her it upsets me so will make a concerted effort not to! I’m sure she is testing some boundaries with the baby coming so I want to give her lots of reassurance. Will just be me, her and new baby most of the time from February so I’m sure the dynamic will change then, this has been a pretty long lived phase though! And I know I will find her preferring daddy then a godsend if it’s still the case.

OP posts:
Bin85 · 19/12/2020 10:21

Feel sorry for you.
Maybe start doing Art or Craft or reading or baking or watching TV or playing with toys without inviting her if it looks interesting she should naturally come to join in ...hopefully?

ChristmasTreeFairy5000 · 19/12/2020 10:24

Its better that she prefers dad now. Because when the baby comes she will be doing everything with dad!

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