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Parenting

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Original poster

What made you decide to start ttc no. 2?

17 replies

BabyLlamaZen · 18/12/2020 19:20

Just curious really as we're still not there. We have a 13 month old and would definitely like at least 1 more, but we haven't agreed when to start ttc. We're 31.

I've wanted a second pretty much as soon as ds was born, although last few months have felt a bit more burnout. I think just getting sick of lockdown and having a toddler has made me realise we're probably not quite ready. Dh is definitely not ready. 🤣 It's really hard (ds is not a sleeper) and dh is a very involved husband and dad with a hard professional job too. I'm not sure when this will change really! But we obviously can't wait forever.

When did you decide to go for it?

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Lazypuppy · 18/12/2020 20:43

We've decided to try for another next year as DD will be starting school the following year.

I've always known i wanted a big gap and didn't want to be at home with 2 of them

Littlepoppet1 · 19/12/2020 07:18

DD has just turned 2 and we're just starting to TTC. It took nearly 2 years to get pregnant with her though as I have very long irregular cycles so anticipate it taking a while again 2nd time. If we hadn't had issues 1st time I'd probably wait until she was 2.5-3ish.

Thatwentbadly · 19/12/2020 07:34

When DD1 started sleeping better.

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/12/2020 07:34

3yr age gap here- my youngest is 6wks old.
Financially: my eldest starts school next yr, so my maternity covers her last yr at pre school (hoping for some nice days out in the spring, a family holiday not in term time etc) so only liable for 1 set of nursery fees at a time
Mentally: I’m not a 2 under 2 type of mother. It’s easier now my eldest can communicate, is potty trained, and is generally a lot more self reliant when I need to focus on my baby.
Career: career wise I put in 2yrs after my first so felt no issue taking another year off now:
Personally: whilst there is 5yrs between my sister and I and we are so close I think 5yr + age gaps are hard logistically. 5 and 10 yr olds on the whole will do very diff activities etc.

Ticklemynickel · 19/12/2020 08:39

Started TTC just after 2 - I'd started to think I wanted a second a few months before but needed to get my head round the idea of being pregnant following a rubbish time with DC1. It's a decent age gap so far, DD is potty trained, in a bed, sleeps ok-ish, walks really well, can play independently so that gives me chance to do all the baby tasks.

QuantumJump · 19/12/2020 08:41

I started TTC DC2 just after DC1 turned 1. Partly because he started sleeping better, and partly just because we had always wanted and planned for quite a small gap.

Bigoldmachine · 19/12/2020 08:57

2.5 year gap hear.

Reasons:

financial reasons - no need to pay two lots of nursery fees at same time as DD qualified for 3 yr funding of course.

DH was not ready any sooner

she had begun sleeping better and was toilet trained

we had more room and were settled in our family home (hadn’t been when no1 came along)

But ultimately it was the same thing that drove me to try for no1 - I was more scared of leaving it “too long” and struggling to conceive than I was of being pregnant now. So we went for it and it happened second cycle! I admit I did have a mild panic of oh shit are we ready once I’d got the positive test. But that only lasted a few days.

DS is six months old now and an absolute delight. His big sister adores him and surprisingly they already entertain each other quite a bit! It’s hard work but so worth it.

ivfbeenbusy · 19/12/2020 08:57

We had problems conceiving our first so knew it would probably be the same again so started when DD was around 12 months - also I wanted a 2 year age gap. As it happened we had multiple losses and then required 5 rounds of IVF. Pregnant now and due when DD is nearly 5. I was sad about the gap at first but now I'm glad it's been a bit longer - DD is more independent, she's at school so will have time to dedicate during to the day and financially not paying childcare - bloody good job as having twins and we'd be in a right financial mess if we were paying 3x childcare

Bigoldmachine · 19/12/2020 08:59

Oh also should have added that the 2.5 year age gap worked really well for us also because dd was ready to go into a single bed so we could reclaim the cotbed for the baby. Also had stopped using the pushchair and high chair so same there. A smaller gap would have meant buying more (big) things. Obviously doable but we would have probably struggled a bit money wise to buy double of all those things

Yummymummy2020 · 19/12/2020 09:02

Small gap here! I was pregnant when my baby was nine months! I’m a bit older and we had a extremely bad pregnancy so didn’t want to wait longer as increasing age would increase risk and I wasn’t sure how long it would take also. So far so good this time around though and I’m looking forward to having the pair of them!!!

ClinkyMonkey · 19/12/2020 09:16

I was 41 when DS1 was born, so couldn't afford to hang around. We started TTC for no2 when DS1 was just over a year old. He was a nightmare sleeper and high maintenance overall (screaming in the car, screaming in the pram, screaming when I pointed him in the general direction of a shop ..... you get the idea), but, as I said, waiting wasn't an option.

As it happened, after an ectopic pregnancy and two early miscarriages, DS2 was born when I was 45. It worked out well, as DS1 had grown out of the screaming and, at 4, was a little star when his brother was born. Thankfully DS2 was a better sleeper and was more easygoing about cars, prams etc. Now that he's 8 though, that is no longer the case as he's up every night and VERY argumentative when he doesn't want to go somewhere ....

WomenAndVulvas · 19/12/2020 09:21

I wanted a close age gap, we started ttc when DC1 started sleeping through at 12 months old. I conceived straight away and his sleep went to pot as soon as I got my BFP! I would really recommend waiting for your child's sleep to settle before your next pregnancy, but seeing as sleep can regress I would also decide what kind of age gap you want and plan from there.

FestiveDigestives · 19/12/2020 09:26

We knew we wanted two, and when pregnant with DC1 I had a vague plan in my head of trying again when he was around a year old.

That didn’t happen!

I had a c-section for starters, and didn’t feel like going through birth/another section so soon. DS was also a dreadful sleeper, and didn’t sleep through until he was 2.5 yrs old. I got pregnant not long after that, when I knew I wouldn’t have two night waking little people to contend with. Unfortunately had a miscarriage, but got pregnant fairly quickly afterwards and ended up being 3 yrs 9 months between my two. A bigger gap than of anticipated, but it worked out really well for us. I don’t think I was cut out for a double buggy and two sets of nappies!

TheWashingMachine · 19/12/2020 09:27

Decided to ttc DC2 because I was 35, I wanted my children to be close in age and it seemed like a good idea. DC1 was six months old and I had a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy before I had him. I got pregnant the first time we ttc. My children are 15 months apart. They are best friends but don't compete in school because they are in different years. They are basically at the same stage.

I'm lucky it worked out well, my DH and his sister are 18 months apart but have never been close.

Only issue is DS (DC1) was very taken with a girl and DD (DC2) did not approve. She said some rather mean things about this girl. One of DS's friends was interested in DD who is exceptionally pretty, DS became quite protective.

FolkSongSweet · 19/12/2020 10:00

We wanted a 2.5-3 year gap so they’d be close enough to play together/have similar interests but so DC1 would be old enough to communicate well, be out of nappies, cot, pram etc. We have a lot of friends with a 20-26 month gap whereas our gap is 30 months (DC1 was 2.5 exactly) and I’m so happy I waited - the extra 6 months has made such a big difference to DC’s maturity. He can play by himself now and take himself to the potty etc which is really useful when I’m feeding the baby. He will start preschool during my mat leave so I’ll have some time with the baby.

Original poster

BabyLlamaZen · 19/12/2020 10:02

@Thatwentbadly

When DD1 started sleeping better.

🤣 but what if they just don't?

OP posts:

booklover164 · 19/12/2020 10:16

2.2 year gap between us and honestly, I wish we'd waited longer. I got pregnant almost immediately and we were expecting it to take ages. It's a difficult age gap and lockdown has made it so much harder. If I were to do it again ( or if we have another) I think I would like a 3 year age gap. Good luck!

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