Do I send a picture of my child to his absent father?

[user1498048847]

The question is in the title really. My child is 3 years old amazing little boy and I take full credit for this. His father has been absent since he was one years old, popping up here and there. Never the best father, doesn't ask about him or ever offered to buy any nappies.

Coming close to my child's birthday and Christmas next week he has text me out the blue asking if I can send a picture of him as he has "fallen out of contact with people who get to see my son"

Im quite a sensitive sole so I will feel really bad if I don't send the picture but I can't help but think he doesn't deserve the picture. I just want him out of the picture completely. He is a stranger to my child. And probably feels guilty as it's near special occasions.

What do you guys think? Do I or do I not?

Sounds as if he wants to save face in front of family members at Christmas and not admit he doesn't bother with his son. I would ask him why he wants a photo of a child he doesn't see.

@CarelessSquid07A

Yes send it.

Having not known my Dad even knowing that he had wanted a picture of me at one point would have made a difference to me.

Genuine question but wouldn't it have made more of a difference for your father to actually be in your life?

I honesty don't see how knowing he once asked for a picture of you but still chose to be absent makes him a better father than one who is absent and doesn't ask.

LittleMissLockdown - Yes. Seeing his son is what any decent dad should want to do. Some parents don't do that and play the victim, making out the other parent is some how preventing them from seeing their kid. I am just saying I wouldn't want to give him any ammunition to be able to do that in future.

Also, maybe the father is feeling regret at the lack of relationship. I don't know. I would send a photo, not make any sly digs, and not really expect anything to come of it.

I would just be cautious about being vicious to my son's dad, because ultimately it could impact my ds.

@LittleMissLockdown

Also, if your ex is not in contact with people that see you son, when he used to be, he may be feeling alone and very low. Everyone has a breaking point.

I see what you're trying to say but wouldn't the solution to this actually be seeing his child. A picture isn't going to make him less lonely.

I also see what you are trying to say - I too fear this. but I have never stopped him from seeing my child the option was always there. it got to the point where he asked less and less of him so I blocked his number as I didn't want him in and out of my childs life. This text was off a unsaved number this morning

I'd send it but so that when your son is older, you can hand on your heart say that you were always open to fostering a relationship between him and his dad. If your son has contact with him when he's older (his dad might be up for that once all the hard years are out the way!), you don't want his dad spinning blame around on you in any way and your son thinking you stood in the way of them having a relationship when he was younger. Sadly people will often happily blame others for their own short comings and even more sadly, other can be taken in by it.

@BertieBotts

So he was getting pictures before via family members you are in touch with? I'd want to know who those people were TBH...

Oh I don't know. I'd probably send it. I'm soft like that and I don't see the harm a picture can do, but it is very cheeky of him to ask yet not actually offer to see him or support him.

My child is in contact with his grandad and auntie on his dads side, they are brilliant with him. The father is a lost cause, they have offered plenty of help which he does not take. You can only help someone so much

I'd tell him " You owe me two years child maintenance. Send a cheque, and after it's cleared through the bank I'll send you a photo".

What a load of excuses for this useless man who could have a relationship with his son, he able to take his own photos if he could be arsed showing up.

Have you asked him why he wants one?

To the people suggesting if OP complies it’ll somehow help her son, can you explain why? If her son knows in the future that all his dad wanted was a photo and once he got one he never made any effort isn’t there a chance he’ll think that it was partly seeing what he looked like that made his dad not bother?

I wouldn’t do it OP. How fucking dare he ask for a favour from you. Your child is a credit to you and only you. No one else gets bragging rights. Sorry your ex is a dick. Both you and your son deserve better.

No, don't.

He is unable to maintain contact with his father, sister and ex. Don't add your child to the list.

Your son can get what he needs from his grandad and Aunty. No need to have anything to do with unreliable father.

I honesty don't see how knowing he once asked for a picture of you but still chose to be absent makes him a better father than one who is absent and doesn't ask.
@LittleMissLockdown

Because it's nice to know that they thought about you, at least sometimes.

Also had a absent dad and I would send a picture with a brief message saying how your son is doing. No he doesn't deserve it but it's not about him, when your son asks what you did/didn't do at least you can say you never blocked contact or discouraged him from having a relationship with him.

That's how my mum played it and I'm really thankful and appreciative that she did.

Because it's nice to know that they thought about you, at least sometimes.

Whilst I appreciate this sentiment surely you could argue it would be worse for a child knowing the only thing his dad wanted to do with him was a picture so he could show it off.

He's clearly not thinking about his child as asking for a photo shows absolutely no interest. If he'd asked how DS was doing or showed intent to be a part of his life then sure send a picture but he clearly doesn't want it because he cares about his son.

I can only know how I felt @LittleMissLockdown. And I always felt that he missed me, at least a little.

Even parents whose children are adopted have the right to a photograph or two once a year. Just send him one.

That's it exactly just knowing that he thought about me occasionally would make a great difference to me.

Obviously an actual Dad would have been better but just knowing he acknowledged my existence would have been nice.

I agree that he should be in his life and he's probably asking for a photo for all of the wrong reasons but I would send one. It's such a good example to set your son.

Perhaps not today though. I'd leave it a couple of days and have a think about which photo to send.

If he ever took you to court they would say you ere unreasonable. Just send one.

@DrDetriment

Yes. He's the child's father and however shitty he's been, does at least have the right to a picture.

He has nothing of the sort!

@Nonamesavail

If he ever took you to court they would say you ere unreasonable. Just send one.

Please don’t be ridiculous.

Why has he not paid any maintenance for nappies ? I am sorry you’ve had to struggle without help.

I would definitely be generous and send a photo for the sake of your son. It must be hard to know what his father is feeling and I would hate to hold back an opportunity of them possibly getting closer or anything if acting civilly helped, assuming he’s not abusive or anything .

Not a problem - As soon as I receive the last two years’ maintenance in my bank account.

@Nonamesavail

If he ever took you to court they would say you ere unreasonable. Just send one.

No court in the land would say it was unreasonable to refuse to send a picture of your child to someone who is a stranger. Yes he is this childs father but he doesn't know this child or show any interest in him. The court would think blocking contact was unreasonable but the OP hasn't said this is what she is doing.

I'm sure the courts would think it more unreasonable that this supposed father hasn't paid any maintenance or made any efforts to see his child in 2 years.

Send a picture of Prince Louis.

‘He has the right to a picture’ 🤣 Christ, people really do just make up shite in their own heads and type it out. Parents don’t have rights, they have responsibilities, and this ejaculator is a failure. Send him a photo of the kid when he was a newborn.

Send a picture of Prince Louis. That actually made me snort

Delete the text and block the number. I wouldn't send a photo in these circumstances in a million years.