Am I expecting too much?!

[sibbys]

Hi!
My 5 y/o boy has never started a fight and generally plays better with girls. Some of the boys in his group are however quite violent and hit the other children.
Our son will hit these violent boys back when he is hit. And if the violent boys hit his friends (especially the girls) he will stand in front of them as a shield and hit them back. We have tried to explain to him that if he hits them back he is just as violent as them. He does understand when we talk to him at home but he comes home and tells us he has been hitting back anyway to protect his friends. I do understand why a 5 y/o boy would want to defend himself and his friends but I want him to run away from the fights and get a teacher instead! Am I expecting too much??? What can we do! I know it's silly but I see him getting stabbed on a night out in 15 years because he can't just turn away!

Defending yourself isn't being violent imo.

Young children tend to have immediate reactions, running off to get a teacher doesn't help in the moment which is what his instincts are telling him to do. Logic will follow later.

I'm not sure why him playing with girls is relevant?

@PinGwyn

I don't know either. He just doesn't really play fight with the other boys and would much rather play with dollys with the girls. I think I wrote it so people wouldn't think he was a wild boy asking to be hit

He's five. And he can't process things the way you do. In his mind he's doing the right thing. I'd be more worried that there seems to be so much hitting going on. But I do not agree hitting them back is just as bad. My daughter is learning self defense - which is hitting back under a different guise - would you tell her she was in the wrong?

No one "asks to be hit" but I think I understand what you mean - his behaviour is milder than some of his peers.

If you're concerned that it's affecting him is contact the school just to make them aware of what he's telling you. It might just be that they need an extra pair of eyes in that area.

If your son is repeatedly telling you about other children hitting, I would be speaking to the school about this. Where are the teachers with all this hitting going on amongst 5 year olds?

@Pipandmum

No but probably because she is a girl. I'm glad to hear that none of you think it is as bad to hit back. I feel bad about trying to tell him not to now.

@Aquamarine1029

We are very concerned. He actually wakes up crying about it sometimes. The teachers aren't really doing their job trying to get the kids to play and speak nicely to each other and the head teacher always replies that our kid probably hit first (to anyone who complains about all the violence).