Potty training- it’s just not happening!

[TrialOfStyle]

I’m getting so frustrated, and trying really hard to remain calm but ugh, I just can’t get it.

DS is 3 and 4 months and still not getting it. He will occasionally use the potty (usually first thing in the morning and before/after his bath), but beyond that - nothing.

He won’t use it if it’s not in the bathroom which is upstairs. 4/5 times he’ll refuse completely and when I do convince him, there’s only 20% he’ll actually produce anything.

Ive tried taking him up every hour, or every time I’m going - I’ve tried guessing when I know he’s likely to poo. I’ve tried positive reinforcement, stickers, praise - even bribery. He just stops listening to me when we talk about the potty.

I tried backing away for a month and revisiting. Today I tried a different approach of putting him in pants thinking he wouldn’t like the feel, but he doesn’t seem to care and instead we’ve already got through 2 pairs in 3 hours.

His development is fine in all other ways but this just seems impossible. Not to mention that his DF (my ex) doesn’t really bother with it so there’s no consistency.

How do I tackle this? I really thought we would have it by now!

Offer sweets for poopoo and weewee on the potty! Some do it early, some take ages. Good luck anways. It's been a few years and I can't remember how we did it, but bribery usually works.

Have you tried taking his nappies away and just giving him big boy underwear? Once he has an accident a few times he will find out that it's uncomfortable for him.

I definitely agree with bribery (sweet for ever visit to the potty, more sweets for every we or poo, present that he chooses at the end of the first week with no accidents). plus you need to stick with what ever routine or method you choose for a few weeks. Persistence and consistency as far as you can.

Is he ready? My son is similar age to yours and he isn’t. So I’m not bothering. Kids don’t have to be potty trained by an age ... but when their body is then it’ll just happen. Just like many other things.

How have u tried to train him, have you tried leaving him naked from the waist down? What’s his reaction when he’s wet?

Tbh I would just never mention it again. I couldnt be dealing with long potty training. They are either ready and can be responsible for their own bladder and bowels, or they're not! I wouldn't be prompting or taking them every hour. Maybe its just my stubborn headed kids, but that would lead to resistance and a battle of wills! If you haven't already then read books about potty training, my kids lows lulu's loo, and get the poo goes to poo land app. Get some bribery, my Dd wanted batman pants but wasn't allowed them until he'd been clear for 3 days. Then they either do our they don't.

My 4 year old just toilet trained a month or so ago. Until then he was exactly the same, I used to set an alarm to take him to the loo every half hour, he had proper pants, sticker charts, books, you name it I tried it. The only thing I didn't try was sweets because the NHS website said not to. But after Halloween when we had a massive bag of chocolates I started letting him have one after every time he used the loo, and I also bought about a million hot wheels cars to give him if he was dry at the end of the day. He got a chocate for each wee or poo no matter what, but even one accident and he lost his hot wheel car reward. After years of him refusing to use the toilet (or even tell me he'd wet/soiled himself!) he trained pretty much over night. After a few dry weeks I dropped the chocolates and a few weeks later I dropped the cars. My sympathies though OP, having a reluctant toilet trainer is such a headache!

I would try the oh crap method.

What have you been doing so far?

I would try bribery too. People will say he is not ready, but often it's a case that they just can't be arsed. We all need an incentive sometimes to do stuff that we aren't keen on.

Ds2 was a nightmare to train. Hv recommended six weeks of break in between attempts. I made it longer and aimed to do it during the school holidays. I bought a new potty that made sounds every time he pressed the flush sound. He like that one, not the two I bought previously.

He took away his nappies and he was only in underwear (except in bed where he wore pull-ups). He had so many accidents and it didn’t click in until day three or four. We didn’t leave the house at that time. Because I didn’t want to clean more clothes than needed.

@ouchouch34

Have you tried taking his nappies away and just giving him big boy underwear? Once he has an accident a few times he will find out that it's uncomfortable for him.

Did you read the OP?

I’m so relieved that he’s not the only one. I’ve been getting in a panic as I read most kids are trained by 3 (I don’t know if that is or isn’t true), and concerned we’re really behind.

I bribed him into the potty today, he didn’t go (said he didn’t need to), then as we came downstairs and I went into the kitchen to make some lunch he did a big poo in his pants. And he just doesn’t seem to care.

He doesn’t like being completely nude though and gets cross if he’s not wearing something on his bum.

Nursery are onboard and he does a couple of wees there, but still needs nappies. I’m wondering if I back off until our proper week off over Xmas and then just go crazy with the bribes. We have no plans to leave so it might be easier.

@Thatwentbadly

I would try the oh crap method.

What have you been doing so far?

What’s the oh crap method?

Oh crap is a brill technique (book)- trained my 2.3 yr old in a wk- basically advocates training in blocks
Block one naked from the waist down
Block two clothes but no underwear
Etc

Biggest thing I took away from it though is consistency, no in and out of nappies. Nappies go, no mixed messages (although a pull up at bed time is fine).
Personally, in addition, I don’t reward toilet use, it’s just a developmental stage like eating or walking. Also remember, children often leave toilet to the last second, don’t bother asking do you need to go, instead tell them eg. “Right we are going to the loo and once we’ve done a wee we can go to the park”

I second oh crap! It worked in 3 days for my daughter.

As pp said, nappies are gone, no going back to them. You start of bare bum until he is consistently going in potty or toilet. Then you introduce trousers then pants. If you do pants too early it feels like a nappy and can confuse them

Main thing is you don't ask! You tell them. First day you just watch to see how often they qee, my daughter was every 30mins.

Also just to mention, I think if they can wake up dry this is a sign the are capable, if not, they aren't ready.