Nanny acts like a kid with grandchildren

[R25678]

I've got a 5 year old and a 6 month old. For some reason my mother acts like a kid around my 5 year old. I find it so exhausting. She's supposed to be helping me out with the kids but when she's around I feel like there's an extra kid for me to keep an eye on! It's like she wants to be a friend and not a Nanny. I think she still has some responsibility to teach them right and wrong etc but she is more bothered about having fun and it seems to result in causing chaos. For example, when she's at my house looking after them she will never tidy up after they've been playing and then I'm expected to do it. It really stresses me. She also ignores me when I talk to her because she's so engrossed in the grandkids. Yes that's nice that she loves them so much and I am grateful for that don't get me wrong. But I don't feel like she is helping me out at all. I've tried telling her a few times but she'll say things to my son like "oh mummy will tell us off if we do that" which I don't like. I know I sound like I'm trying to ruin their fun but I feel like it should be a mixture of fun and also helping me out by tidying and maybe having an adult conversation with me because I'm so lonely after being on my own with the kids.

What do you all think?

I think if you have free childcare you can’t be too picky but I would speak to her when the kids are not around and say you are worried that it is confusing to the kids to have two different sets of rules in your house so they need to do x, y and a. Maybe she can look after them at hers instead?

maybe having an adult conversation with me because I'm so lonely after being on my own with the kids.

I get this too as I’ve got a two year old and a three month old. I look forward to seeing my mum as I haven’t had any other adult company with lockdown and then she spends the entire time ignoring me while engrossed in playing with my toddler. I wouldn’t mind this if she kept a eye on the toddler while I spend time with baby, but tbh visiting her is actually harder than being at home. She’ll forget she’s watching the toddler and leave him to climb stairs or get into cupboards which means I can’t relax or take my eyes off him really when I’m there. I don’t think your being unreasonable

@Thatwentbadly

I think if you have free childcare you can’t be too picky but I would speak to her when the kids are not around and say you are worried that it is confusing to the kids to have two different sets of rules in your house so they need to do x, y and a. Maybe she can look after them at hers instead?

Yes absolutely, any childcare I know I should be grateful for. I almost feel guilty for feeling this way! I do prefer it when they go to her house because at least them I'm not going around cleaning up the mess etc.

@Disco91

maybe having an adult conversation with me because I'm so lonely after being on my own with the kids.

I get this too as I’ve got a two year old and a three month old. I look forward to seeing my mum as I haven’t had any other adult company with lockdown and then she spends the entire time ignoring me while engrossed in playing with my toddler. I wouldn’t mind this if she kept a eye on the toddler while I spend time with baby, but tbh visiting her is actually harder than being at home. She’ll forget she’s watching the toddler and leave him to climb stairs or get into cupboards which means I can’t relax or take my eyes off him really when I’m there. I don’t think your being unreasonable

Yes I see where you're coming from. My mum will forget the practical things sometimes too e.g. getting him lunch etc because she's so focused on goofing around and having fun. Of course that's amazing as well but there needs to be a balance with that and also being sensible and making sure he has dinner and maybe just a little tidying up after themselves. She was like this when I had a newborn and it was so hard because I would come downstairs to a bombsight and then would still have to take care of my son's needs. I wish she would think about it a bit more.