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Original poster

How do I discipline a 17 month old?

27 replies

Ccaaiitt · 09/12/2020 21:17

My 17 month old son is such a beautiful boy but... he is starting to become extremely naughty and laughs when told no and continues what he was doing. He follows me around all day long and refuses to play with any toys at all, I have bought so many different toys he has a bedroom full and our living room is full but he runs straight to the washing on the airer and pulls the clothes off and the curtains and pulls on them he smacks the tv and pulls washing out of drawers and the most annoying of them all he rips everything he can so paper, books, cardboard and magazines. I am struggling to keep up with him as he’s constantly destructive and I’m absolutely exhausted.

He is also refusing his food and will only eat yogurt, weetabix, ready brek, oats and smoothies but he shows interest in what I’m eating even if I’m eating the same thing as him.

Forgot to add he’s also hitting, biting, pinching and pulling hair and throws things at me and his dad. He’s an only child and my husband and I have never hit, bit, pinched or thrown things near him ( or at all) and he doesn’t go around other children due to Covid so I don’t know where he’s picking this behaviour up from.

It may be very normal but I’m not sure how to handle this kind of behaviour especially with a 17 month old as i can’t punish him.

Can anyone help this tired mum out?

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Thatwentbadly · 09/12/2020 21:32

For the first set of things say no and remove him from the situation.

I’ve not come across the aggressive behaviour in such a young child repeatedly. Have you had him checked out for illness eg an ear infection? Biting can be as a result of teething pain.

Thatwentbadly · 09/12/2020 21:34

What are his communication skills like? Does he have many words or signs? Lack of ability to communicate can made toddlers very frustrated.

user1936863452 · 09/12/2020 21:36

He's 17 months old.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
Coriandersucks · 09/12/2020 21:37

Our youngest did the biting and throwing bit for a while and laughing in our faces when we told him no. I spoke to our hv about it as I was worried and she said the laughing was out of embarrassment. It didn’t make sense at the time but now he occasionally laughs when we have to say no then he suddenly starts crying and gives me a cuddle so I think she might have been right.

I tried to be a bit more understanding with him after she said that rather than just getting crosser so we ended up ignoring the throwing and the biting - occasionally saying no calmly then changing the subject - then going really overboard with praising him when he was good.

it was really hard but we stuck at it and now he’s pretty much grown out of it (2.5).

fuzzymoon · 09/12/2020 21:39

Behaviour is communication in a 17 month old.

Does he do it to get attention. Not all children play with toys on their own at that age. He may need you to play with him, model how to play. He may love rough and tumble play. Prefer playing on the move.

Get him to help you pull washing out the machine etc.

It's instinct in children to eat what their parents eat. That's normal.

How's his communication coming along. Is he frustrated.

You don't punish at this age you model and demonstrate and distract.

Coriandersucks · 09/12/2020 21:39

@user1936863452

He's 17 months old.
And your point is?

Maybe discipline was the wrong word for op to use but you can’t just let stuff like that slide.

BackforGood · 09/12/2020 22:09

What Fuzzymoon said.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 09/12/2020 22:17

He's so young, all sounds normal. Do not punish! Distract.

Cam2020 · 09/12/2020 22:20

What Fuzzymoon said.

I second that.

Distraction is key. Children that age sometimes find your facial expression or reaction funny when being told no and do things to elicit that reaction again.

Mintjulia · 09/12/2020 22:24

I put ds in a playpen with some toys and within sight of Ceebeebies.

That way he couldn't reach the curtains or the tv, I could get on with stuff and chat to him at the same time.

Horehound · 09/12/2020 22:25

My son is 16month old and does the same. If he does something he should I take his hand and take him to something he should be doing (box of toys etc).
If he goes to TV and wobbles it I say no taken his hand and move him away.
If he throws his juice cup I pick it up and put it somewhere he can't get. I give him a soft thing he can throw so it teaches him it's ok to throw stuff just needs to be the right thing. It's just a phase.

AntiHop · 09/12/2020 22:28

I'd recommend reading gentle parenting by Sarah ockwell smith.

Embracelife · 09/12/2020 22:28

So he waNts what you got
You "play" with washing so he does.
Sit and play with his toys
Smacks tv = turn it on or off
Think what he is communicating
Give him magazines he can rip and dont leave books in reach
If he hits say no and calmly move him away.
Show him how to get your attention gently by touching softly.
Get learning resources recordzbke buttons and teaCh him to press one for mum dad yes no or more / stop

endofthelinefinally · 09/12/2020 22:32

What parenting/child development books have you read? There are so many good resources available now, many more than were around when my children were little. If it is any comfort, I think his behaviour is normal for a lively 17 month old. Most children that age don't know how to play with toys on their own. They want to be with you, copying everything you do, interacting with you, watching your reponses to everything they do. That is how they learn. It is very hard work, but it does mean they are happier. Teaching signing is much more popular than it was 20 years ago and I think it is a really good thing to do. You just don't get much done when you have a toddler, but everything is a phase and time passes quickly.

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 09/12/2020 22:38

He is a typical toddler @Ccaaiitt

mynameiscalypso · 09/12/2020 22:44

I have a 16 month old so I can relate to a lot of it - we are (hopefully) through the biting phase now although we occasional get things thrown at us. I think a fair amount of what you describe is totally normal behaviour especially as he's at that age when he's communication skills are not good enough for him to communicate what he wants. I try to be a 'yes' household so anything dangerous is off limits but other than that, he can do whatever he wants. He often ignores all his toys to play with a coaster or the lid of a Tupperware container. I also tend to let him eat off my plate if he wants to. I love Big Little Feelings on Instagram; DS is still a little young for some of the techniques but they've taught me a lot about how to help him manage his emotions.

Fortyfifty · 09/12/2020 22:51

I do remember my DD being that age and she exhibited undesirable behaviour and thinking 'I need to discipline her, I need to do something' You don't. As others have said, distract or model the behaviour you do want, praise the behaviour you do want. Be prepared to repeat it all everyday. There is no quick fix. He's developing and learning and it takes time.

I read lots of parenting books but Alfie Kohns Unconditional Patenting was most revolutionary for me. I took a lot from it.

I would say, with regards the toys, try putting most of them in a room or if aught and just bring a few items out for a week, then change them over. Less mess and more interest in the toys. You do need to sirens some time playing with him and definitely let him help with the washing. All kids love that. If he wants to eat what you're eating, use it to your advantage and introduce new, healthy foods.

Do you have a garden? Make sure you have waterproof trousers, coat and wellies so you can get him outside to play and run around every day. I s lucky mine were both that age in spring /summer. It's a fun age but so full on.

AldiAisleofCrap · 09/12/2020 22:53

You don’t discipline babies.

endofthelinefinally · 09/12/2020 22:56

Favourite things mine loved at that age:
The vegetable rack
Fruit bowl
Laundry basket of clean socks - we matched them up together.
The pan cupboard
Wooden spoons and fish slice
Plastic cartons and boxes.

They did actually have toys, but preferred the above list and absolutely loved a cardboard box or 3.

BertieBotts · 09/12/2020 22:59

Golden rules for this age.

Prevent as much as you can. Block access or sit with him so he's engaged and not bored looking for trouble.

Exercise and fresh air works wonders. If he's confident walking, get a puddle suit and some wellies. If not yet, a backpack sling is excellent.

Redirect, every "destructive" urge is a curious one. Redirect somewhere he can exercise his curiosity and the urge will go away.

It's tough with a toddler in lockdown. There is a great winter survival thread for toddlers running if you want to join :)

babysnowman · 09/12/2020 23:08

I have a 19 month old so similar age. I don't think of it as discipline, she's too young to fully understand, but I do tell her why she can't/ shouldn't do things as I think that's important in building her understanding. At the moment she is ruled by emotions she can't regulate so I don't spend too much time on it and after I have explained to her then I will distract her with something else.

Toddler are tiring, it's nothing you are doing wrong x

ReeseWitherfork · 09/12/2020 23:10

I’d recommend Big Little Feelings on Instagram.

Debradoyourecall · 10/12/2020 03:19

Lots of really good advice above. The most irresistible things are the things they’re not allowed to do! So my baby is absolutely desperate to eat shoes and the TV remote. It’s exhausting but you have to keep removing them from the situation and distracting with something fun. Eventually they no longer want to pull/destroy everything! Sit with him and show him how to play with his toys. Put the toys in a basket or box and open it up so they’re more of a surprise and he can pull them out.

Keep offering his normal meals and fruit and veg. Eat some of the same yourself to encourage him.

I remember at that age I’d take my little boy to the library and he’d be trying to push every book off the shelves... they’re like mini tornadoes of destruction. Eventually it will get better.

S12M · 10/12/2020 04:34

Hi,

My DS was very similar at that age, he’s a very physical child and pretty demanding of attention! I realised I was just saying no all the time and it was becoming very negative. I started to make more of an effort to understand what he was trying to communicate to me and I read a lot - the book ‘No Bad Kids’ by Janet Lansbury is excellent.

It improved a lot when he started talking and much better now he’s 2.5. He still throws everything and some days hits but I feel like I’ve got the tools to deal with it better and our relationship is more positive. It’s a balance between understanding what they’re capable of at that age and sticking to firm boundaries. Getting outside helps a lot - we often visit the same park twice a day!