Broody For The First Time And Nearly 40

[silver39]

I've been happily married for 8 years and never thought I wanted kids but recently have been feeling broody for the first time and really starting to like the idea of having a child in my life. Husband is happy to go along with my wishes so no disputes there.

But... I'm approaching 40, DH is 7 years older than me and we both have potential health issues. For me, it is mental health in the form of depression/OCD and I am terrified that I would not only pass these on but also hugely affect their life by being unable to cope or make them afraid of all the irrational stuff that I'm afraid of.

So my head is saying, "Don't be rediculous! You can't do this! Run a mile!" but my heart is saying "You want this so much! It'll be the most amazing thing you ever do".

I'd love some advice of whether this feeling will pass. I am scared I will regret not trying to conceive but equally scared in case I regret having a child and then find I don't cope. People tell me that once I have a child, I would be able to overcome any fears for the sake of the child and I want to believe that but it's a massive gamble to take. Of course, there is no guarentee I can even get pregnant.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated. Please be kind.

I had my first at 39 and it is scary. But you'll take it one issue, one problem, one question at a time. My first is in uni now and doing brilliantly and has a lovely younger sister. There were some hard times and I had some PND after my first. But I went on medication and it got much better.

Think about your support systems. I had a doula come in for 2 months after I had my second and the help was life changing. Plan things out, that will help you feel more confident.

Good luck with your decision.

My advice would be start trying now. It took us 2 years and 2 miscarriages (DH mid 40s, me late 30s). Or you could just stop preventing it and let fate decide.

I never wanted children and it was very much a case of 'I don't want to regret later' instead of genuine longing for a child. We'd already been married a long time and adjusting to a baby was very, very hard. It nearly broke us but I'm still glad we went for it. She will be an only one, but I'm so glad she's here now (17 months).

Thank you both for the advice. @Ihaveoflate, I have been wondering too about the "let fate decide method" . Support system may be an issue for us as neither I or DH have family locally (2 hour drive at least to our closest relative) although we do have a few local friends with small children or older children that might know what we're going through.

I would let fate decide 🥰
Wouldnt worry about the support system, I had a baby during lockdown 1 and never saw anyone - when you dont have a choice you just get on with it!
Good luck :)