How to tell my friends to not get my son a present?

[frolicmum]

We are so fortunate to have such wonderful friends who care deeply about me and my family and they're now asking what to get my son for Christmas. Quite a few don't have children yet and have been wonderfully supportive since day dot.

We both have big families and he's getting so many presents already (turning 2 in January as well so more presents for him) and I just want to tell my friends to not worry about a present but I don't want to be rude, they can save their money and treat themselves instead 💜✨

What's the best way to handle this? I really don't mean to upset anyone or be rude or give the impression we're too entitled.

I don't think you should tell them not to. Be honest and say "Premium bonds" or something? Or maybe suggest something that can be built up for when he;s older like lego.

Lego holds it's value and if he doesn't like it when he's old enough, you can sell it and he can save the money in a savings account.

Don't tell them that though...just suggest it as he has so many baby toys coming already, you thought it might be nice.

Or suggest clothing as that's a practical thing. Ask them to get it a year older so it will fit him later. People LOVE buying for babies.

I’d perhaps ask them to buy a book that means something to them or they’d enjoyed as a child and build a little library. Or if you really don’t want anything just say that and thank you for the thought

Surely a huge part of presents at Christmas is the joy of giving them? Maybe they get pleasure in giving your child a gift?

I think if you tell them not to give a present you will come across as being entitled and rude.

I honestly find it so rude when people tell me not to buy for people/what to buy. Part of the joy of Christmas is picking a gift that someone will like. If your friends are kind enough to buy for him, count yourself lucky and just say thank you.

I'm only speaking from my point of view, but I don't have children of my own and I love buying presents for the little people in my life, I don't go overboard but I enjoy choosing something like a book that I know they will enjoy or clothes. I would make a suggestion for something he needs if they ask, but I don't think I would ask them not to buy anything at all.

Ok, this is why I love mumsnet! Sometimes you think it's ok to say something but clearly it's not which sort of realised but didn't realise to what extent.

Books are always great, great suggestion and so is Lego!

Or explain he has so much and ask for a day out voucher in new year or a contribution to his savings account.

I was go if to suggest asking for books too, you can never have too many and they’re way to store. They can write a nice message behind the cover too to make it that bit more special.

I'll say books and if they don't know will suggest a few (including peppa and all vehicles - he is obsessed!) Thank you xx

@frolicmum

Ok, this is why I love mumsnet! Sometimes you think it's ok to say something but clearly it's not which sort of realised but didn't realise to what extent.

Books are always great, great suggestion and so is Lego!

And if and when your friends start having children, it'll be your turn to buy, so any guilt you might feel will be rebalanced 😄

My SIL always says "PLEASE don't buy anything for DS!" to her Aunt and I always hate it when she does that. Her Aunt likes it and doesn't have any of her own...and she's 70! She should be able to buy a bloody football for her own nephew.

Incidentally, the same Aunt buys my kids hatboxes full of sweets, money and plastic toys.

They bloody LOVE them.

I used to be the person buying presents for every child I know. And now I’m the person overwhelmed with stuff from kind people buying things for my children.

I would always ask someone to buy a book - for now or for later, there’s a huge range from the noisy to the novel, and they don’t take up a huge amount of space.

At this age we started to find the DCs had way too much stuff but suggestions like books/Lego are good. Likewise a family gift like a membership of a play farm, or toddler swimming lessons/Rugby Tots etc.

I have to say that having one DC with fairly complex SEN who gets really overwhelmed by Christmas in general and presents in particular, we did ask at an older age (around 5-6) for people not to give presents because too many presents were hard for him to handle. He still gets plenty though!

I'd also think it might be a bit late to say that this year, lots of people have probably done all their present buying already.

I have had a lot of messages recently asking what they should get my 2 year old for Christmas, it's really lovely of people but part of me feels awkward as I don't know how much they intend to spend. For example I don't want to say 'a peppa pig car' which is £15 if they are only intending to spend £7! (I've just made that sum up btw I have no idea how much a peppa pig car is or even if they exist).
I would say that's really lovely of you to get LO a present we really don't expect it but if you would like to maybe a childhood book that you used to love would be nice. I really love that idea from a PP!! Might start using it if anyone else asks

It's quite late for making suggestions like that this year, unless people have specifically asked.

The other suggestion is vouchers/experiences - i.e. a voucher for a trip to a suitable museum, a day ticket for a farm park.

@HappyChristmasTreeRex

I'd also think it might be a bit late to say that this year, lots of people have probably done all their present buying already.

I agree with this.

I would ask people to buy a book or an experience.

It really really is OK to ask for toy gifts to stop.

To those who think it is rude/entitled to ask for this: look, please try to be understanding about the fact that some of us do not have huge amounts of space in our homes. We don't want to spend our lives reorganizing, picking up and finding space for mounds and mounds of toys, we find our kids play more imaginatively when they are not overwhelmed by choice, and we don't want stuff to go into landfill (which is where a lot of charity-shopped stuff will end up in, before someone suggests that). Relatives need to respect parents' wishes on this one.

@frolicmum

Ok, this is why I love mumsnet! Sometimes you think it's ok to say something but clearly it's not which sort of realised but didn't realise to what extent.

Books are always great, great suggestion and so is Lego!

Books, lovely...that can keep going through their childhood and teens Lego - good idea but too young currently to use though agree that’ll give them sufficient quantity when they are the right age ... so right now Duplo...costs a fortune and need a mountain of it to make anything like a house, farm building etc so building up little bits over time is good idea. He’ll be ready for that any time soon I hate when one person decide we shouldn’t “do” gifts...I love finding gifts for people..doesn’t have to be expensive, I’ve even been known to make stuff😮 Other thoughts are a craft activity pack- sometimes the thinking of what activity to do with your little ones is too much...ask them to do that thinking and buy the bits needed and create the instructions...you’ll both get a fun few hours from it. You could even send them the results back as their birthday present😂🤣

I would just be honest and explain that he's going to get far too many toys so if they really wanted to gift him something then perhaps gift him a book, or an experience or something. My family is huge, and dds birthday is two days after Christmas so I've asked people not to go overboard, as I don't have the space to store everything and they've all respected that decision and gone different ways with their gifts.