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Original poster

4 year old lives for the weekend, would this worry you?

24 replies

Glitterypants · 09/12/2020 07:48

I don't really know how to describe this but my DS, who is 4 (nearly 5) just hates all form of childcare, nursery, playgroup, anything really. He just wants to be at home and just wants it to be a Saturday or Sunday.

I work part time and he's in childcare part time, he has 2 full mornings a week at home and 1 morning with my parents (which he does like because it's essentially like being at home). So he's not in nursery for very long days in a row or anything.

Our working hours and odd school nursery hours does mean that his childcare provision is a bit complicated and is spread across a few providers but part of that is also the fact that he complains about every single one so I've spent the last couple of years (since he could talk!) trying, and failing, to find him a suitable one.

I don't know what to do, he is miserable all week about it and cries about it. He seems ok when I collect him but why would he complain so much and be so obsessed with the weekends? And how on earth will I convince him to go to school 5 days a week for the next 12 years...?

Has anyone had anything similar?

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LizzieSiddal · 09/12/2020 07:50

You say “his childcare provision is a bit complicated”, I wonder if he’d feel happier going to just one or two places?

Original poster

Glitterypants · 09/12/2020 07:56

Absolutely I think he would Lizzie (and it would be so much easier for me too!) but I've tried every combination I can think of and the logistics are not feasible. The only place that can take him for longer he cries about going to. I've racked my brains for a solution but can't come up with one. Childminders are like hen's teeth too.

I've tried to change my working hours etc too as best I can. His school nursery hours are 12.15 - 3.25 every day and that's the one he complains the least about so I'm trying to retain that.

I also have a toddler in the mix but she isn't at the school nursery so it's a bit easier.

He's going to start school in August and I really feel I've let him down by not being able to give him a preschool experience he's enjoyed.

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Quartz2208 · 09/12/2020 08:05

I think here your guilt is meaning you are chopping and changing - school will be consistent and the same and he will be fine - because he has to be!

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4 year olds Childcare & nursery Families General parenting

Martinisarebetterdirty · 09/12/2020 08:07

I agree. Once he gets in to a daily routine, which school will be, he will be fine.

Original poster

Glitterypants · 09/12/2020 08:08

Yes I guess he'll just have to get on with it when he's at school, and fingers crossed the consistency of the same thing daily will help.

I know deep down I've done my best for him but it's hard when he is expressing unhappiness.

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LizzieSiddal · 09/12/2020 08:10

Agree with Quartz, he will start school and have to get used to it. Stop feeling guilty, if he’s happy when he comes out, he is probably ok, what does the nursery say? Is he ok after a few minutes at nursery?
My Dd cried every single morning when she started school for 2 years, but the teachers let me peek through the window and I could see she was absolutely fine after about 2 minutes! She went on to absolute love school.

YoureNotOnTheList · 09/12/2020 08:10

On a different tack, does he hear adults going on about the weekend? "Ooh I can't wait until Saturday" "This week has been so hard, I need a break" "Thank god it's Friday" etc etc?

Sally872 · 09/12/2020 08:12

How is he when you collect him? I can relate to wanting to stay in on a morning rather than get dressed and go out especially now it us colder and darker. If he is happy/ok at collection try and be reassured by that.

SprogletsMum · 09/12/2020 08:20

My dd is similar. She's 6 and she does like school once she's there but she wants to just be home with me. Lockdown really didn't help because she had so long at home with me.
I just go with the tough love approach. School is compulsory so off you go sort of thing and plenty of cuddles before and after.

GlitterBiscuits · 09/12/2020 08:21

Why don't you find a childminder? Much more homelike.

Tootsietootie · 09/12/2020 08:22

Don't mention school yet if it's September as that is about a decade away for a 4 year old. To much if a build up may worry him.

snookercue · 09/12/2020 08:28

Our working hours and odd school nursery hours does mean that his childcare provision is a bit complicated and is spread across a few providers

I think you need to change this. He is obviously feeling quite unsettled which is amplifying the weekend idea. I know posters are saying he will be fine once he gets settled into a routine in school but this could escalate hugely over the next 8/9 months, I do think it needs dealing with now. He needs consistency and security to make him feel safe. He isn't getting it.

Doje · 09/12/2020 08:42

DS2 was like this. He only went to nursery two days a week, but hated it. His first words every morning would be "is it a nursery day today " and then tears if it was. He loved the days with me, and the weekends with his brother and DH around too.

I don't know if I can suggest anything as it sounds like you're in the similar situation - it makes no sense to try anything different.

However, I will tell you that school fixed it. He loves going and whilst still enjoys the weekend, he enjoys the weeks too. I think he was just bored at childcare. I would hazard a guess that your DS will be one of the older ones in the school year too, if he is already 4? I think this was the problem with DS.

Notstrongandstable · 09/12/2020 08:46

My DS was like this.
Went to an amazing nursery but used to cry with relief when I picked him up.
He wouldn't be the biggest fan of school either, he's in Y7 now!
Some kids just prefer being at home.
He definitely lives for the weekend/holidays.
No advice really just wanted to say you're not alone.

ApplesinmyPocket · 09/12/2020 08:57

I would much have preferred to stay home with my mother than have to go to school! I can still remember the sinking feeling when the Saturday afternoon sport programme came on... because that meant it was nearly Sunday... which meant .. SCHOOL was just around the corner.. again!

My DDs showed the same signs, but as a PP said, it's got to be tough love really, unless you can homeschool, which most of us can't, or wouldn't want to.

I used to tell mine firmly "ALL children have to go to school! It's The Law," as I bundled them into their seats, and maintained a brisk but kindly attitude all the way there - 'Mummy will just go shopping/to work/do the housework while you play and paint, and then I shall be back to collect you, what shall we have for tea, maybe we can watch fav prog together? "

That isn't to say it didn't rend at my heart when they were so uncertain, pale and unhappy at leaving me! Between 5 and 11 things got better as they started to enjoy being with friends, and most primary schools are pretty happy places to be. Hopefully it will be the same for your DS, but it's a daily worry you can well do without, I know Hope he settles soon!

Scarby9 · 09/12/2020 08:58

My brother cried all the time through nursery. He was the only child they couldn't settle and my mum often had to stay with him through his second year as he would make himself sick at drop off.
She dreaded him starting school but he trotted off happily and never looked back.

Notthe9oclocknewsathon · 09/12/2020 09:02

Bless him. I’m sure he’ll be fine in September but I’d highly recommend giving him some extra time at home next year since you’re able too. When is he CSA? It’s the start of the term after his 5th birthday. Until then you can send him part time. So if you had Wednesday morning off work say, you could have him home then.

Bumblebee1980a · 09/12/2020 09:09

You say childcare is complicated. Is he at more then one nursery / preschool? If he is then I would say this is the problem. He might be a slow settler.

My DS (4) has only recently settled in nursery and he has been to the same one since 2 and a half.

He sounds like he prefers home because it's consistent and he feels safe and comfortable there. If you do the same with a nursery he will feel the same there too eventually after he has built up relationships and got used to his environment.

Children need consistency and routine to give them a firm foundation in life.

BlueCowWonders · 09/12/2020 09:13

@Notstrongandstable

My DS was like this. Went to an amazing nursery but used to cry with relief when I picked him up. He wouldn't be the biggest fan of school either, he's in Y7 now! Some kids just prefer being at home. He definitely lives for the weekend/holidays. No advice really just wanted to say you're not alone.

My dd has also always disliked school Year 10 now and still would much prefer not to have to go My other dd always loved school Some of us are homebodies but as long as we can acknowledge our dc feelings we'll do all right

Bumblebee1980a · 09/12/2020 09:14

I meant "plus he might be a slow settler" which won't help. I think any child would struggle going to more than one nursery.

Bless him.

Do you discuss emotions? For example, does he know what sad, happy, angry etc means. It might help you to identify how he's feeling. I think you've done that really as he has expressed his unhappiness.

Poor little boy - just want to give him a hug. Prob because I have a boy the same age. They're such a worry aren't they xx

SingingSands · 09/12/2020 09:24

I know it's difficult finding the right childcare provision, but sometimes we try too hard and it ends up being too many settings and then our children don't have consistency, which is very confusing at that young age.

School will provide that consistency.

(My DS hated going to nursery too. He went 3 days a week, and every one of those mornings he'd ask me if it was a nursery day, then cry his eyes out at drop off. My last image of him every nursery morning was a distraught mess of a child, or a very pointedly "sad face" child, waving miserably whilst a jolly nursery worker tried to cheer him up. He loved primary school.)

myneighboursarerude · 09/12/2020 09:27

Bless him, at least hand he gets to school there will be consistency.

Is there anything he loves? Football, horses, singing, dancing etc if so when he gets to school age/when they reopen can you book him into a club he can go to midweek of something he loves to break up the monotony for him?

motherf88 · 09/12/2020 09:40

I don't have any advice about the childcare, but DS hated nursery, especially after lockdown and cried at every drop off. He started reception in September and loves it. I wouldn't worry about preschool not going well, doesn't mean school won't be fine

Raindropsonrosesand · 09/12/2020 19:34

DD struggled to settle with a nanny and in two different nurseries. I have some heart-rending memories of her banging on the nursery fire-door for me to come back, and pulling up a chair in front of the nursery clock with a determined little look, saying she would sit there until I got back.

School was much better. A slight struggle in the first few weeks, but soon very happy to be there.

She's almost 8 now, and any separation anxiety is far in the past. She definitely prefers weekends/holidays though and really enjoyed the family being together all day over lockdown. She has told me that in her ideal world she would go to school but that we would come too! She's just a home-loving little thing who really loves being with her family

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