Having a second baby

[doireallyneedaname]

Hi All.

I had my first baby in February this year! What a time to have a baby.

Before baby I imagined I’d have 3/4 children but now I think we are both happy with the idea of just two.

My concern is that whilst I don’t want a big age gap between them, I’m due back to work in January. I generally enjoy working and I earn good money, so the thought of giving it up again fairly soon scares me. We are also still battling sleep issues etc with the baby. On the other hand, I’m 32 and I don’t want to leave it too late. I don’t really know what I’m asking - I suppose if anyone is in a similar situation.

I had my first Nov 2019 and am just about to start TTC no2 in the new year, landing hopefully Octish 2020 (am 28, fell first time before, and previously managed to get PG at the drop of a hat)

Obviously it may not work out like that, but the idea of around a 2yr age gap really appeals to me. DD sleeps through so we're not exhausted, she's already walking and talking so she's much less hard work than she was, and there's a much better chance of them being close if theyre closer in age.

You are still very young by modern standards. I had my first baby at 38 and wasn't considered old by the midwives. I would say you still have time to leave a bigger gap.

I had my first in March (brill timing) and am now 12+5 with number 2.

Honestly it’s really hard.
REALLY. HARD.

Juggling a baby and morning sickness has been tough enough but I’ve been so hit by the physical lifting/carrying side of it. I’m exhausted by lunch time, feeling like my bodies a deflated balloon and dropping asleep sat on the sofa.

If I hadn’t done it now I never would as I knew my awful pregnancy would massively impact DS later on. I didn’t want him to remember. I’m certainly not enjoying it atm though. Some days feels like the most stupid decision I’ve ever made.

You might be the picture of health whilst pregnant though- in which case ignore me.

I had DS1 in Feb 2018 and I turned 32 later that year (so the same age as you). I only felt ready to TTC in August 2019. DS1 was sleeping well in his room at that point, napping well, I had been back to work 4 days for quite a while and he was settled in nursery. I'd cut breastfeeding down to one small feed at night and was about to drop that too.

DS2 was born in May this year, so a 2y3m gap. I'd managed to potty train DS1 before I got too huge, and he didn't need the pushchair very much any more so I managed to avoid 2 "babies" at the same time and all that entails (millions of nappies, double buggies etc). I still think I've made it quite hard for myself and can't wait until it gets easier - DS2 is an incredibly easy baby but DS1 is a very challenging toddler.

DS1's free childcare hours will kick in around the time DS2 starts nursery, which will help out financially. Also less than a year after DS1 starts school, DS2 will turn 3 and be able to go to the preschool nursery at the same school, so much cheaper and logistically easier.

I've never felt like an "old mum", in fact I'm the youngest of the 6 friends of mine who are mum's.

Why the rush? See how you feel back at work and getting better sleep then decide. You're not even a year in and still much younger than many people having their first!

I'd say you can't put a time on it. In terms of if and when you want baby no1, 2 or 3 you just know when you know.

The whole age gap thing is silly, IMO people place far too much importance on it.

Had my first November 2017. I was 29.
Had my second November 2019.
It's exactly 2 year age gap and although difficult at times, it's a lovely gap and they are luckily wonderful together. Luck of the draw on that though I think.
First started sleeping through so thought it would be ok to start the sleepless nights afresh!
Now my second is sleeping through I feel broody again but will wait longer this time, I only have 2 hands!

There's exactly 30 months between my two, so not too close to be having two babies and not too spaced out. My eldest walked and talked very early. We decided to have another when he was 19 months as his sleep was really bad due to eczema and allergies, he woke every 2 hours until 20 months. We figured if we didn't have another then we wouldn't and also it couldn't get worse than we already have. Luckily second baby has no allergies and sleeps better. They're now 5 and 7 and I'm pregnant with number 3 at the grand age of 34 so a bit different to being pregnant in my mid twenties but still alright.

Work wasn't too bad once I had a good routine with work and home, childminder, cleaner etc. I was 25 and 28 being pregnant so just over 26 and 29 giving birth. Wasn't too bad as I was still breastfeeding my first so was good opportunity to sit down and rest after work. I had zero morning sickness or issues on both pregnancies so that helped a lot unlike this time. Depends on how fertile you are really and how you're coping with your little one. Also factor in nursery fees, as some people leave a 2.5-3 year gap so the free year kicks in once second baby starts childcare. Best of luck!

I had my first at 32 like you, she's 3 on Saturday. I think I still have time to give her a sibling, to be honest I've found it tough (PND) so I'd want to wait until she was in school and still think I'd be young enough to have a second child then at 37.

I was 31 with dc1 and 33 with dc2. Gap of 2y4mo. Youngest is now 3.5 - starts school next year.

Pros
It does get the baby years out the way quickly - if you want that. The thought if having another baby now makes me shudder!
30 funded hours kicked in for dc1 as I was returning from 2nd mat leave
Less childcare bill for dc1 whilst on mat leave
They are close and play together lots
Easy to find activities both enjoy
They play with each other's friends

Cons
They fight a lot
Lot of sibling jealously
2yo is still tiny and they need you so much still!
My body didn't quite recover the same after dc2 and that is partly due to less opportunity to exercise- my needs cane last.
Being pregnant with a toddler is very different to first pregnancy, I was shattered
My career is very flexible and supportive but I felt it's taken a 5 year battering
Financially I couldn't save the same way I did for mat leave 1.
My two were not good sleepers - tbh that has been the hardest bit- 5years of poor sleep has aged me
2 kids are sometimes half the work, sometimes twice the work and sometimes 10x the work

We had no family help and I think that makes a difference. I know someone who's mum babysat their toddler every afternoon so they could rest during 2nd pregnancy and did their housework ( even washing and ironing)for them. I was very jealous!

If I was to do it all again I wouldn't rush. 3year gap seems quite nice from friends who have this. Once you start getting past 5 years it seems harder to find family activities together.

Hi, almost exactly in the same position, just had first DC in May and am 32 now. I always thought I wanted about 5 but now am not sure if two is too many 😂. I think I’m having a physical urge to have another one, which is really weird! I think I have a real concern over my fertility as I get older is giving me a kick which in this day and age is a big ridiculous!