Sudden change in 4 year olds behaviour, how best to handle?

[MichB86]

Hi, really hoping for some advice if people have experienced something similar. My almost 5 year olds personality seems to have completely changed in the last couple of months. He has always been really well behaved, sweet and loving but recently he has started doing things he’s never done before, he will scream and shout if things don’t go his way, really over the top cry about the smallest thing and can’t be consoled and he’s also started answering back saying mean things and has developed a bit of a cocky attitude sometimes when I tell him off. He’s also started being dismissive and sometimes aggressive to 2 year old brother (who can be a wind up merchant) I’m flipping between being understanding and loving and flipping out which clearly isn’t helping any one. I’m just finding the whole situation incredibly sad as I don’t know where my lovely sweet little boy has gone. A bit of background he started school this September which has gone incredibly well and in October we had a new baby who he dotes on. I’m just wondering if this on top of the already mental year we’ve had due to the virus has taken its toll?

Anyone else’s similar experiences or advice please.

The over the top crying is happening several time’s a day.

Is he in school or nursery?

Sorry totally missed that sentence at the end of your post ignore me

I think this is just a phase. A hard one, I know, as I also have an almost 5 yo boy and he is similar. Emotional, cocky, rude, demanding and then other times sweet and loving, caring, thoughtful.

My niece is a year older and was exactly the same, and still is at times. It's a long developmental phase.

Our tactics are just to keep firm consistent boundaries where possible, reaffirm good behaviour, lots of cuddles, attention and playing where possible and talking things through.

I don't think it is anything to worry about , but I do sympathise. Some days I am totally exhausted and can hardly face yet another telling off (and his sibling is 2.5 so permanently stropping about something or the other)

So i work in a primary one class with 4 and 5 year olds. To be honest since Halloween it's all gone to pot and is gradually getting worse. The kids are exhausted and it's been a strange year. There seems to be more winter bugs circulating than ever before which is making them out of sorts - so much for being kept safe by covid measures! Some of our calmest kids have been pretty emotional and parents are struggling with behaviours at home too. This is fairly typical of the time of year in their first year of school but this year it's noticeably worse. The new baby will have had a massive impact too. I know how hard it is but I'd calmly ignore a lot of the behaviour- any screaming and crying or back chatting. Or answer with 'I'm sorry you feel that way but this is what's happening' and calmly keep going. With the tantrums once they've calmed give a cuddle and chat ambit what was wrong. Suggest how better choices can be made etc. Obviously you have to discipline any aggression to smaller sibling - be consistent with it all. I'd imagine after the excitement of Xmas dies down and some rest is had things will improve

Hi OP, my DS is nearly 5 and a lot of what you say is familiar! Day to day I find him relatively easy compared with how he was when he was 3-4 (I had a newborn at that time too, I think that's such a huge thing for a small child) but he is also prone to back chat, rudeness, attitude, over the top drama etc. And also meanness to his almost 2 year old sibling where previously he adored him.

He is DEFINITELY tired every day (we are having a lot of tears at teatime recently, as well as sleeping in later than normal) as he also started reception this autumn.

Normal, but tough you have a new baby too which makes everything so much harder to deal with.

I think your boy is tired and a bit wrung out with change. He's still your sweet boy but is maybe struggling a bit. Sleep, love, consistency. Make sure he gets plenty of rest and 1:1 time with you and his Dad.

Thank you I think you’ve all confirmed what I was already thinking I had just started to doubt myself. I think I expect to much from him and need to remember although he is the eldest of the 3 he is still very young. I probably feel a bit disconnected from him at the minute so definitely need to make more time for cuddles and 1:1 time.

He is also definitely over tiered we put him to bed at 7 but sometimes he’s still awake gone 8 listening out for what we are doing or any noises in the house, another sign I think that he’s anxious.

@midnightstar66
This is so true my sons had strep throat that lead to scarlet fever twice since October needing 2 weeks worth of antibiotics each time I think this has also really took it out of him

This is so true my sons had strep throat that lead to scarlet fever twice since October needing 2 weeks worth of antibiotics each time I think this has also really took it out of him

I wonder if all that time away from mixing has had an impact on immunity and now it's all running rampant?! Re anxiety it seems more of an issue in school than other years too. Purely anecdotal on my part but I'm definitely noticing it. As I have a dd not much older I'm very sympathetic to it but not all staff are (I'm a TA so lots of influence with the dc but none over the other staff)

He is also definitely over tiered we put him to bed at 7 but sometimes he’s still awake gone 8 listening out for what we are doing or any noises in the house, another sign I think that he’s anxious

Yep my nearly 5yo DS is struggling with sleep as well, then shattered during the day and his behaviour is poor. He's still awake just now (in bed but tossing and turning). It's a horrible cycle.

I think they just have so much going on that their little heads are struggling to make sense of it all.

I know my sons really missing his grandparents who he is very close to and when we relaxed a bit over the summer you could literally see the happiness radiating out of him. Now we are back to telling him to keep his distance you can’t hug grandma don’t talk so closely to grandad. He must think we are all mental