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Parenting

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Original poster

How can I stop my 2 year old touching things in someone else's house?

16 replies

Caligula · 23/10/2004 16:55

Normally, I just don't bother to take my DD (2 and a half) to places where people are uptight about kids touching things. In my house, things are out of reach or they get broken or spilled, and my attitude (after screaming at them) is that it's my fault because kids are tactile beings and if I don't want them to touch things, I shouldn't leave them within touching distance.

But I do a volunteer book round once a week where I have to chat to elderly people for a little while - usually five or ten minutes. Because of childcare stuff, I now have to take my DD with me, I don't have anyone to look after her - can't afford babysitters, and don't know anyone well enough who is at home during the day who'd do me a favour. So not taking her is just not an option.

But one old lady wants to talk to me for an hour or so (she's quite lonely) and really hates her touching anything. I can understand why, she's a different generation where children just weren't allowed to touch stuff in other people's houses and if they did, you just smacked them. I try to keep DD away from stuff and anticipate what she's not allowed to do, and I take toys to distract her and all that sort of thing, but after about 10 minutes she gets curious and wants to look around. Old lady wants to chat to me, not to be bothered by 2 year old.

I guess this might be insoluble, and I'm just trying to do 2 things which are mutually incompatible, but if anyone does have any suggestions, please tell me! After Christmas DD starts at playgroup, but until then I've got this problem.

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suzywong · 23/10/2004 16:59

well hats off to you for a start for being so charitable

I can't see a solution. Not with any kid under 5. What about taking a book of stickers as a special treat and hoping she is preoccupied enough with them.

I think you may have to cut short your visit with this particular old dear until dd starts playgroup.

BTW I have the same attitude as you about kids touching things, it's in their nature

jampot · 23/10/2004 17:01

why not take the old lady out for a cup of tea to a neutral place. if she's lonely it will be something to look forward to and then your child can amuse herself appopriately.

handlemecarefully · 23/10/2004 23:15

Caligua,

I have to say your far nicer than me....the old lady does sound rather intolerant of children and in your position I would be inclined not to keep visiting. Sorry - that's no help whatsoever is it!

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happygolucky · 23/10/2004 23:35

Have you tried asking the lady (if you are happy to, or know her well enough) if she has anything that she can let your dd touch? When I was little I used to be the same! eeek... that was a long time ago... anyway, my grandmother - still alive and kicking (I hope)- was/still is a real upperclass snob. She has all these beautiful ornaments etc... and my mum would despair! To her shock/horror, my grandmother took one of these ornaments off the shelf and gave it to me to play with. Her comment to my mum was if I can touch it, it might not be such a temptation. Apparently it worked.

Perhaps you could take some unseen toys/teddies/dolls with you on your rounds and ask the lady if she wouldn't mind giving dd one herself, so that this may take the itching to touch away from other things. (If dd thinks its one of her toys/things, she may not want it).

Best of luck,it's never easy. Only other tragic thing is to strap dd in her buggy but that seems unfair.

Keep up the good work.

Original poster

Caligula · 23/10/2004 23:58

Hmm, will think about these. I can't take her out anywhere, because the reason she is on the list is because she is totally housebound, and I can't give up the round. I was thinking that I would have to shorten my visit to about 15 minutes max, but I know this would disappoint her.

I don't think she's intolerant as far as her generation goes, it's just really that she is very unused to very young children now (her youngest grandchild is a teenager). And also, because of her disabilities, to have stuff moved around is more of a major inconvenience for her than it would be for an able-bodied person.

The sticker chart might be good. Or the secret toys - crafty.

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KateandtheGirls · 24/10/2004 01:39

I agree, it's very charitable of you and I admire you, but I think your instinct that it's incompatible is right. You can't do volunteer work that doesn't work with your circumstances (having a 2 year old).

sallystrawberry · 24/10/2004 01:58

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ghosty · 24/10/2004 08:02

There is another option ...
I never had this problem with DS ever when he was a toddler .... he never was that much into touching things in other people's houses and I think it was because I never 'toddler proofed' my own home. I am too lazy and too untidy and so never put things out of reach apart from things that would cause him harm (like scissors or the iron). So he learned at a young age not to touch coffee cups, glasses, ornaments, pot plants etc.
I didn't even put locks on the cupboards in the kitchen apart from the under sink one (where the bleach etc was).
People commented on how 'good' he was but I don't think he was being 'good' it was just that 'things' and clutter weren't a novelty for him. It was something my mother told me she did with us when we were small ...

Tickle · 24/10/2004 10:12

Ghosty mentioning scissors made me think that your dd might be old enough to have some play scissors - I know my ds absolutely adored cutting stuff up - old magazines. Kept him quiet for ages...

Sounds like a lovely thing you are trying to do

happygolucky · 24/10/2004 19:17

OOO that reminds me of when my eldest was born. There was a group of us that met up for coffee. I had a call from one mum to say that her toddler had managed to EAT a lightbulb. He managed to crawl into the kitchen and open the cupboard...he was ok but what a shock!!

nasa · 24/10/2004 19:20

caligula - I just don't think you can solve this problem short of taking things with you to amuse DD; it's a bit unfair of the old dear to expect her not to touch things IMO - she's only 2.5! It's just not realistic to expect a child of that age to sit quietly and nicely for 1 hour and not touch anything. It's going to cost you a lot in sticker books and colouring books if you're going every week until xmas!
Good for you though, doing the volunteer work I mean.

bakedpotato · 24/10/2004 19:30

the only thing i can think of that could possibly keep a 2-yr-old preoccupied (and quiet) for that time would be a couple of videos. i don't suppose the old lady has a vcr? i salute you for trying, and for your patience

fisil · 24/10/2004 19:33

Me too ghosty. But I'm a bit cautious about what I say with no.2 on the way - ds never touches and we happily leave steaming tea cups around/oven doors open. We've always left stuff around and said a stern "no", but I'm not convinced it's what we've done - maybe with no.2 it will be impossible!

stickynote · 24/10/2004 20:19

Caligula, do you work for a charity? Is it a nationwide thing? I'd really like to do something similar once dd2 goes to nursery (not as brave as you I'm afraid!).

stickynote · 25/10/2004 09:02

Original poster

Caligula · 25/10/2004 09:10

Ha ha ha, Ghosty, just you wait! My DS was just like yours - we had no childproof stuff at all, and it just wasn't a problem, because although he showed a normal amount of curiosity, he soon learned that he wasn't allowed to touch the clutter he could reach, and ceased to find it interesting. But DD is so different, I've had to change techniques otherwise everything that could be broken would be, and I'd be constantly tearing my hair out! Good luck with number 2, you might be lucky, but don't be too surpised if number 1 was just a gentle dry run as far as the touching/ breaking problem was concerned!

Stickynote, I do work for a charity and if you're interested in receiving a list of possible volunteer opportunities that could fit in with your other commitments, please do CAT me! (I never miss an opportunity to strong-arm someone into volunteering!)

I think Kate might be right, and that however much I try and combine these 2 things, they just don't work together. I will try out some of the sticker book/ mystery toys ideas, but with a view to making a quick getaway should DD look like she's getting restless. I'll just have to explain to the old lady that DD needs to run around, so I must be off for now. She does know that DD is starting playgroup after Christmas, so it's only till then.

Thanks for all your replies, it's confirmed something I was thinking!

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