Sleep training causing arguments

[JKDcot]

We’re trying to sleep train our 6 month old but I can’t bear to hear him cry. We’ve been instructed to stay with him in the room and try and calm him in the cot. I just want to pick him up and soothe him. My husband disagrees and is strict we have to let him cry or it won’t work. Help? Is he right

Just pick him up and cuddle him. He is tiny and needs you not damaging stress hormones.

Goodness me, pick him up! And in the cold light of day discuss a different approach to sleep - as it's important for everyone. CIO isn't the only way!

If he's just whinging I'd leave him, but if he's screaming the place down then he's distressed and needs reassurance from his mommy or daddy. If that's the case definitely pick him up and give him a cuddle.
Let him doze off half way and then put him back down and he settle into a good sleep by himself.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/05/14/ten-reasons-to-not-sleep-train-your-baby/amp/

I would pick them up, we tried sleep training once and once was enough for me. Goes against all my natural instincts and our LO was so upset. There is such pressure for babies to sleep all night when in reality it's actually quite rare for that to happen. They will eventually sleep all night when they are ready, is it so wrong that they want some comfort during a night at a few months of age (not aimed at you by the way, just at people in general who try to pressurise new parents into getting their baby to sleep through the night).

Sleep training will not work if you don't have consistency. We sleep trained, but DH and I were 100% in agreement together of what we were doing.

If you can't stand to have your baby cry then maybe choose a gentler form of sleep training. Maybe pick up put down?

Mumsnet is completely divided on sleep training, so brace yourself for people telling you how bad a parent you are for wanting to sleeptrain. We did it out of desperation when DS was 6 months old and its worked well for us.

If that was me I'd be cuddling the baby and telling DH to do one.

There's massive sleep regression at 9 months anyway so he may just settle soon anyway.

And I'd give your DH a copy of the No Cry Sleep Solution to read.

Who has "instructed" you? Have you and your DH discussed this sleep training in detail and agreed on the approach? If he's trying to keep you going strong with a method that you both agree on, then stick with it.

Sleep training in my opinion is more of training the parents not to comfort the child so the child gives up, rather than training the child to sleep well.
I think it has to be working for both parents to be the right thing, or at least necessary for someone's sanity!
We decided to try to focus on empathy and understanding instead, obviously tricky with a baby but the main thing is work out how much comforting they need and don't overdo it. Try to pick them up when they are not ok, but not directly in response to the crying make a decision whether they are really in need or just being fussy. And also stay with them if they are not happy, we didn't leave the room or anything.
But like i say it's a personal choice and it's more about the parents than the child. Good luck!
I should say our son is nearly 14 months and doesn't sleep through the night, but we have accepted that. If one of us was a train driver we would be a bit more strict about it!

It depends on the cry. If it was genuine distress I would always cuddle, but settle with back rubs and sushing if it was shouting/fussing.

That said, you both need to be in agreement. It sounds like you've paid a sleep consultant, in which case you should both either commit to the approach or decide to ditch it and do something you're both comfortable with.

I'm no expert, but I thought controlled crying was for older babies? Six months seems terribly young, and I am not against it generally in principle.

I think for sleep training like that you both need to be on board with it; with my DD we did a no cry approach as i couldn’t cope with her crying. We tried that with DS and it didn’t work and I was at my absolute wits end and on the edge of a breakdown from lack of sleep so we did a controlled crying approach but we were both on board each time.

It depends if she is crying or whinging. The point of sleep training is teaching them to fall asleep on their own, and its ok to be in their bed.

Everyone ia different though OP, some people dont like their babies crying, and others can tune it out for the purposes of sleep training.

I sleep trained my dd early, i never lwft her really upset, but i knew wher cries and qould leave her qhen she was qhinging or half heartidly crying, and it only took her a few days to be happy in her bed and go to sleep on her own.

GOsh you have to be united and stand firm to sleep train. I am very pro teaching children to self settle and sleep but think six months is a tiny bit young - nine months is better when their grasp of language is better.

It will only work if you hold firm and remember the long term advantages and benefits it brings. It does go against instinct to pick up, but then so do many things parents need to teach children for their own good.

Six months is too young, they don’t understand. We were waiting until 12 months as she was so hit and miss with self settling, then she randomly just taught herself to do it. You might find the same.

We’ve been instructed - by whom? Tell them to f off if you don't want to do it.

I never did any training like this. The people I knew who did it looked very stressed, I didn't see the benefit.