Sleepovers for your kids - What is safe? Alternatives?

[Jellybeans20]

Are sleepovers safe? How do you ensure safety? What are good alternatives to sleepovers?
I remember enjoying sleepovers as a kid but don't believe they were always the safest experiences. I didn't always enjoy the hygiene level of people. sometimes I was allergic to pets.. some friends had very weird parents. When at relatives' houses, my privacy was almost always invaded. I had one friend with whom i was able to get up to a lot unsupervised roaming the streets. It was pretty exciting but not as much as camp was.

I understand some parts of the world cant consider this because of covid restrictions but i would really appreciate your insight on why you are pro or anti.

I think it’s about knowing the parents and when your DC are older and that gets tricky then making sure they have a way to contact you if they want to come home earlier. I guess an alternative is letting them stay until late then picking them up. I also think if you have the other child over for a sleepover first then you ban form an opinion over their boundaries at home.
I would say that the only bad experiences of sleepovers was getting home sick so it’s not something I worry about too much but I appreciate the potential issues and I’d want to be sure about the parents.

I once heard I think it was a YouTuber say that for kids/teenagers ‘nothing good ever happens after midnight’ they’d pick up their kids from anywhere at midnight. Obviously talking about older DCs here and I think the YouTubers were quite religious but it did make me think.

I don’t think we’ll allow sleepovers other than with Grandparents. Mostly from a sexual abuse point of view tbh. Probably over cautious but I’d rather be that way.

As a kid I was quite naive. I had sleepovers with cousins where they watched films that gave me nightmares for months or they’d talk about things that made me feel uncomfortable. And this was before the internet and everything kids can find on there.

It is a difficult one. I had similar experiences to you, OP, but then I also had a lot of fun on some. I wouldn’t want a blanket ban because kids can miss out.

I think the important thing is for your child to have a means to contact you, even if that’s just a brick of a phone with £5 credit on it. And obviously that puts a natural age limit on sleepovers too, maybe 10/11.

I think it depends if you know the family or house living standards. All of my kids friends, the house hygiene is clean. And as for sleepovers, they have gone to people we know and trust. For example one is someone my dd has known since birth. The other is a close friend of hers she has known since 3. They have had numerous play dates here and there before having sleepovers.

And growing up I had so much fun at sleepovers. Wouldn’t want to deprive my kids. But I get why some might.

I wouldn't do them unless they were people we felt completely comfortable with.

We were never allowed ppl to sleep over when we were younger but tbh our house was quite overcrowded anyway. I used to occasionally sleep over at a friends when I was a bit older, and agree nothing good happens!! Some parents were VERY weird and others let us get away with too much.

Mine can stay over at grandparents and that is it. End of

thank you for your advice everyone. I am going to hold off sleepovers for good. I don't trust every single person living at grandparents' house so that's off the list also for now. Will probably opt for sleepovers that include the parents at this early age.

@PinkPlantCase I am leaning towards that too. I don't think i will allow sleepovers and I would have to deeply consider whether I would allow one at our place... Not without their parents being present.

@Welcometonowhere True. I hate to feel like the rules would make them miss out, which I can imagine could cause a social issue. Kids like to hang with other kids they have something in common with.. I might be ok with it when they get older. A mobile phone when they're old enough sounds like a great idea.

@Mamabear12 so true. I was very surprised to find a close friend from a private school had a very unclean bathroom for example. i also really enjoyed sleepovers as a kid but i felt the negatives outweighed the positives. Like you said very important to know the family well.

Yea; I always try to make sure bathrooms are clean when kids come over! Especially the toilet. My ds still gets pee on the toilet sometimes or on the floor 🙄 so I always properly clean bathrooms that will be used by guests before they come. Would not want them to get a wet surprise when sitting on the toilet seat!!!

We allowed DS1 to stay as the only friend at his best friend’s at 7 because we’ve know the family since before the boys were born and I trust them implicitly.

I had sleepovers all the time with my mates and nothing went awry and we certainly never left the house. We sat in the person’s room (all girls) and ate chocolate and giggled.

I will have a ‘come and get me’ code with DSs when they’re older but that’ll be for parties etc too. My worry if they never stay over elsewhere is that university or wherever is then a massive shock...there is a balance between mad escapades and being too sheltered!

My kids have been on sleepovers from being babies to grandparents houses. From being toddlers to aunties houses and from about six/seven at friends houses. I’ve had kids sleep over at mine from about seven years old. I’ve always known the parents well and it’s always been built up to by play dates first. I loved sleepovers when I was young and so do my kids/their friends.

@Mamabear12 :)

@DelurkingAJ Yes. I see that when you have built trust it can feel better.

@ReindeersAreBetterThanHumans thanks. That's great that you have a wonderful circle.

I am going to do whole family sleepovers to begin with and it may or may not progress to the next step for a long time

My children sleepover at relatives and friends I trust. Being paranoid about abuse isn't helpful, educating them about talking to you about boundaries etc is.

I remember sleepovers being set up with military level organisation between parents at my primary school. In retrospect this was clearly for babysitting reasons, but we all enjoyed them nonetheless. I’ll be happy for DD to go so long as the parents seem normal enough and she knows how to use a phone.

As teenagers we got up to all kinds regardless of where we were sleeping, so I think I’d be fighting a losing battle.

Mine went on sleepovers in junior school onwards and we occasionally hosted sleepovers. Families we knew, never felt worried, built up from playdates first. They had fun.