Is it appropriate to let kids play in rooms with other kids/adults unsupervised?

[Jellybeans20]

Letting kids play in rooms unsupervised
Is this appropriate and if so, what "AGE" would you allow a child to go to someone's house on a playdate and play unsupervised in a bedroom or playroom?
What's your advice for various permutations and combinations including playdate with

1. Any kid their age
2. older cousin
3. grandparent
4. aunt/uncle
5. family friend's kid they have just met

I have a small child and have been thinking about this lately with the different christmas playdate requests emerging

I let my 3.5 year old play unsupervised in the playroom for short periods with me checking on him. I would be quite happy for him to be up there with another child of his age but only if that child’s parent was comfortable. If not, I would sit with them.

My 6 year old and his friends are always in the playroom together unsupervised and have been since he was about 4 and school friends first started coming over - again, with the persons son of their parents.

We're a bit low on relatives but generally I've let my kids play unsupervised (upstairs bedroom or playroom I'm still in the house) since about 5. I have 4 kids though and there is safety in numbers as someone would tell me about any inappropriate behaviour (gleefully and loudly they love a good tattle!) Adults who are playing with the kids normally do so in the playroom at our house, door is open and I'd pop in and out. More so my guests don't think I'm using them as a free babysitter.

Yes, of course, but it depends on: (1) would I let them play unsupervised at home and for how long? Because a 2 year old unsupervised for 5 minutes while you are in earshot in the next room is different than a 2 year old playing outside in a garden that is not secured for an hour. I'd be happy with mine paying the same way they play at home. Generally speaking, I think if they're old enough for having playdates, that implies probably primary school age because I don't know anyone who dropped a child off to someone else before primary school age. If that's the case, I'm sure they are fine playing unsupervised from age 4 assuming it's not with knives, fire, somewhere dangerous they could fall from, etc.

(2) would you trust this person around your child anyway? I personally wouldn't leave my children with grandparents as they are nuts and were are NC, but aunts/uncles, adult cousins, friends' parents who I know and trust, yes all fine. But not with family members I didn't trust and not with randoms from school who I don't know.

I can't imagine there will really be many requests for playdates over Christmas that follow through, if you are in the UK. I imagine most people will make the most of seeing family on the few days they have to mix with other households, and not be organising playdates with dc's friends.

@ThornAmongstRoses
@womaninatightspot
@mindutopia

Thank you so much for your advice. I was thinking along similar lines but keep reading that people that play up indecently are those that are close... Positively reinforcing tattling sounds like a good idea. You hear alarming things in the news and get nervous i suppose.

Unless we are talking Covid-related situations, my dc didn't have any adult relatives that I wouldn't have trusted with them since birth. I also had several mum friends whom I trusted to look after my dc, whether babysitting them in the evening or having charge of them on a playdate. I wouldn't count that as unsupervised.

As for other children their age- I would have wanted an adult to be quite close for the first few years, mainly because I would have wanted the other child protected from dd who was a little horror. From 5 or so I'd have been happy for them to play in a room together, but wouldn't have wanted them left alone in the house until they were about 10 or 11.

Older cousins- would have depended on age and reliability of older cousins. Dc's were teens when they were little, would have trusted them to babysit for a few hours, though in the event it never came up.

As for playdates, I stopped coming with them when they were about 6.

My DD is 4 and has only ever had 1 friend home from school (before lockdown 2) they have been friends for years and I allowed them to play in her bedroom and it went great.
If it was another child from school who I did not know then it would be different and I would definitely be keeping a closer eye on them. Not necessarily insisting they stay in the same room as me but I would definitely check on them more often and would listen very closely to what was going on up there.

Family we are close to and family we are not would be treated the same. It depends entirely on how well DD and myself know the other person.

I wouldn’t let my child play unsupervised if I couldn’t trust them to not damage things or hurt people. The age depends entirely on the child. Anything from 3 to 5yo in our case.

I wouldn’t dream of supervising child in a room with adult family members or friends, but I’m fortunate to have only good, trustworthy people in our lives who at the very least like our children.

Other cousin or other kid I know: same as first paragraph + my own thoughts on the cousin/kid in question.

Kid I don’t know: I didn’t allow it until my children became of an age to advocate for themselves.

All this is assuming one on one. If there’s a whole bunch of kids of various ages rampaging around the house, or together in a room, I’ve always been much more relaxed. It’s so much fun for them, just as it used to be for me. They get up to all sorts that I wouldn’t normally allow at home and it’s exceptional during the holidays. Part of the magic. Yes there might be tears or hurt knees and elbows, but that’s part of it. When there have been older children around I’ve even allowed my crawling baby / toddler to join in, they’ve loved it. Had to pop in now and then to make sure they were okay and not throwing Tonka trucks at little children, but it’s all part of the fun at that age. And the older children have always been surprisingly interested in playing at being “Mum and Dad”. It’s one of the joys of childhood, playing with lots of other kids with your parents there but out of sight!

I would not expect children to be playing with an unrelated adult in a bedroom at any age.

My 3 year old plays in the playroom whilst I have a bath, if we went to a relatives house his big brother (6) would be there too, I wouldn’t mind them going off playing together.

And YYY to what RoseInHarlem said about groups of children. Some lovely memories there of cousins playing together.

My 3 year old will play with friends or a family member in her room but I would always want the door kept open and to be able to hear what they’re doing; if they go too quiet I go up as I tend to assume they’re dpi h something they shouldn’t.
It’s never too young to talk to children about their bodies being private though and not having secrets; my DD knows that at 3 and I’ll keep gently reinforcing it.

We let our 3 year old play in his playroom unsupervised all the time as it’s fully child proofed and DH will be just down a short hall in his office with both doors open. We also let DS and his 3 year old best friend play unsupervised for short periods in there as they are always in and out of the living room. If they were gone for more than 5-10 mins and seemed to be staying in there, I’d go and join them.