Dad who moans about parenting.

[HannahAD]

Me and my bf have a 16 month old boy and he’s a handful and is very clingy. I am a stay at home mum and my Bf usually works but due to COVID he’s been off since April. He thinks washing dishes and bottles at night is enough parenting and if I ask him to help with anything else or take our son while I shower or get dressed he make it very obvious that he doesn’t want to. Our son still wakes during the night and by the time I finally get to bed at night after doing bedtime and house work it’s about 11 and then I’m up multiple times during the night and son usually wakes very early. I’m exhausted and need more help but he makes such a big deal about it Id rather just struggle myself. Tonight I asked him to bath him because I had a sore back and he told me he shouldn’t need to dress him or change him because he’s done his share of parenting for the day. Has anyone else experienced this?

He’s lazy as hell. Especially if he’s not out working full time. My husband did more than that working full time plus overtime. Doesn’t sound like you have a keeper there.

Wow!!!! What would happen if you decided to just down tools and ignore everything! What a dick.

This is often why I’m thankful I’m not with dds father. Okay I had to do it all myself but luckily he wanted proper access so I got a break. I really think I’d kill a partner if I was in a relationship with them and it was their child but they didn’t do their share.

Now he has my dd every other weekend Friday to Sunday so I get two full weekends off a month which is a dream.

Do you do anything for him? Because if you do you should stop it because “ sorry my parenting job comes first and sadly I don’t have enough time off that or supportive enough colleagues to have a secondary job of partner”

@LouiseTrees I cook our dinner every night and pretty much spend my day trying to keep him happy. He barely talks me to any more or even look at me.

It sounds like he’s checking out.

I just went down stairs to hang out my washing and he’s been asleep all evening and not done any of the jobs he told me was doing and couldn’t help. I feel like I’m being too moany

You have every right to moan. Was he as on board about having a baby as you were?

It sounds like he is checking out of the relationship and isn't interested in being a parent. I would stop doing things for him.

The baby was his idea! I was 18 he was 21. We were trying for another baby but I’ve put it on hold because know I’m not sure it’s the best idea to do basically by myself

What does this person bring to the relationship??

Are there two threads? Or am I going mad?

Similar ages here. I'm 19, him 24. He was also the one who wanted the baby. Similar to you,my baby wakes multiple times during the night, early, is very clingy, etc. Partner never helped, had that same mentality "I've changed 2 nappies today and been at work for 4 hours it's not my job". No help whatsoever, he actually believed that i did nothing all day in his own words!

I'm not sure what you will do but i left him. It hurts a lot but at least now I'm not resentful that im doing it all by myself and somebody who can help out isnt. Some men just arent mature unfortunately

No that’s not normal.

My dh is working from home right now, so not free all day. I have ds 9am-6pm mainly alone. But dh does as much as possible before starting, after, overnight and weekends. He also helps daytime if he can ie he will take ds and quickly change his nappy and entertain him 10 mins during his ‘tea break’.

If your partner isn’t even working at the moment, then surely he should be doing equal amounts of parenting, cooking and housework not expecting you to do everything

My dh used to burst through the door after work as he couldn't wait to spend time with our dd.

Even if there was no baby it's not normal for one half of a couple to do all of the work while the other one sleeps and generally lazes about.

It would be easier on your own.

No, this is not normal behaviour from a grown up. What you have here is a man-child.

It doesn’t sound like there’s anything in this relationship for you - at least if you left it would force him to spend some contact time with his child. Or not, in which case he’s a massive dick. Just make sure he contributes financially to the child he created.

What legal protections have you put in place for you to be a stay at home parent? People who choose to not be married have zero legal status or protection, do you own your home/ your name on the tenancy? If not, your deadbeat boyfriend could remove you any time.
Stop doubting yourself. Aim for better in future.

I'm going to be very blunt here.

You need to get back to work ASAP, and you absolutely must not have another child. Your partner is a dickhead, and you are incredibly vulnerable. He's doing nothing to help you, and if he decided to leave you, you and your child would be absolutely screwed. You need your own money and your name on the mortgage/tenancy as soon as you possibly can.

No, this is not normal behaviour from a grown up. What you have here is a man-child.

THIS.