Tell me about your 2.5 year age gaps

[LastTangoInBodmin]

I have a DS who just turned 2. I’m due DC2 in June 2021.

DS is mostly fairly well behaved, we have the occasional tantrum but certainly nothing demonic as yet. I know ages 2-3 can be very challenging and so I’m prepared for this to change.

How did those of you with a 2.5 year age gap cope? How do you balance the demands of a crazy, tantrumming toddler with a cluster feeding, clingy newborn? Did one of them just end up having to be ignored a lot, did the arrival of a newborn make the toddler’s behaviour worse?

I had that gap between DC1 and DC2. It was lovely. DC1 enjoyed being the grown up one, and happily played on their own when needed. DC1 didn't nap much by then so loved the 1:1 time when the baby was asleep.

We then had 18 months between DC2 and DC3. That was a nightmare.

@Varjakpaw that's good to hear, I really hope DS will be a lovely big brother!

18months definitely sounds a lot more challenging!

I had 2.5 years between mine. I think it's good as the older one is pretty verbal which makes things easier. Definitely had a lot of tantrums, and DC1 dropped the nap at that time too which was hard, plus it's just hard with a newborn and an older one regardless, but it got easier pretty quickly and they have always got along well. We toilet trained DC1 soon after DC2 was born which really helped too.

Almost exactly the same OP (I think... dates are unclear, just found out)

DD is just 2 and doesn't nap anymore and is definitely "grown up" 😂 been out of nappies for the majority of this year, wants the pram less and is getting there on dressing herself but she's still my baby in someways and I fully expect her to revert to babyhood just because.

2 years 4 month gap here. It was hard in many ways. But the upside is they’re now 3 and 5 and play pretty well together.

My DS was a crazy runner toddler. So double buggy was a must. Strap him in first and then deal with the baby as she couldn’t move. He did 2 mornings a week at nursery which saved my sanity, and then we had a pretty set routine of out every morning for a play date or the park. Baby just kind of fitted in. Back home for lunch and then he either napped or did quiet time after lunch and then we played at home in the afternoon. Basically it was easier to settle the older one and then deal with the baby, so yes she sometimes just had to cry while I got toddlers lunch ready and tv switched on. But it was definitely easier that way round.

Lots of places to put the baby down safely. We borrowed an extra travel cot so we had somewhere in most rooms I could put her down quickly where she couldn’t be stepped on by her brother or roll and hurt herself.

Lots of tv! Basket of books and little toys that he could sit with when I was feeding baby. Although he was (and still is) a huge tv fan so that was my definite go to, but sometimes they get bored of that. Also he liked “helping” with the baby so he’d go and fetch me a nappy or a toy for her or help me pick her clothes.

We actually didn’t potty train until he was close to 3 so I didn’t have to deal with that and a newborn. I think that was probably easier to be honest. They are a lot easier once they’re confidently potty trained, but I personally think a newly potty trained toddler is significantly more work than one in nappies. It really depends on the child though so much.

There are 2 years between my 2 which I think is it overall a great gap to have.

DC1 can't now remember being an only. They both like the same stuff re age range so easy to entertain them.

The hardest bit was the first 6 months after DC2 was born. I remember saying to DH one day "I can't remember what I've done today besides change nappies....all I've done is wipe shitty little bums..."

Got lots better once DC1 potty trained and DC2 learned to crawl thank goodness!

2y8m between mine. The hardest bit for me was actually 1st trimester of pregnancy with DS1 almost but not quite dropping his nap - so wouldn't sleep in his cot in the day at all, but became hysterical and ratty if he didn't nap. Ended up driving him around in the car, then stopping (somewhere safe) and napping in the car with him!

Once DS2 was here and I didn't feel like death, it was actually a bit easier. Yes, there was more TV involved than I would have liked, and there are photos of me bf DS2 while DS1 climbs on my head, but we muddled through. It helped a lot that a)DS1 still went to nursery 3 days a week so I had a bit of time with just me and the baby and b)DS2 was a relatively chilled baby, decent sleeper etc.

I deliberately delayed potty training DS1 until DS2 was a few months old, as I figured 2 in nappies was easier than cleaning up wee/poo off the carpet all the time!

2 exactly and 2.3 here. I think it's the best age gap - they are not too old to really get upset by new baby, mostly still nap and use a buggy and when they get older they play well together and enjoy the same things

Like the first reply really

I did find that I needed a double pushchair though as dc1 - who had previously been walking everywhere - needed that security I think. It was also essential to strap him in to occasionally when he decided to strop / not co-operate, as it isn't so easy to tuck a 2 or 3 yr old under your arm and cart him off when you also have a baby.

I managed without a double buggy but that was just my stinginess not wanting to fork out on something that wouldn't be used for long. We didn't do many long walks with both kids, and on the occasions we did, I either carried DS2 in the sling while DS1 went in the buggy, or I put DS1 on a buggy board.

I think we’ll definitely avoid potty training until later in the summer or towards autumn. The last thing I need is wee and poo all over the floor with a newborn!

I want to avoid a double buggy if I can, it seems quite an expense for something that’ll only be used for a few months. I’m trying to get DS into the habit of walking more now, but I’m thinking perhaps a buggy board for him? Or baby in the sling and DS in the buggy?

I avoided a double buggy as DC1 hated the buggy at that age. Buggy board has been great for us. And actually DC2 hated the pushchair until she was about 8 months so I had to use the sling a lot.

As a PP said, still having some nursery days saved my sanity, especially in the early days.

Re toilet training I agree, I didn't really intend to do it soon after DC2 was born but it happened and it was actually fine so just keep an open mind. No wee and poo all over the floor here. Definitely fine to wait but the advice I followed says try to do it before 3 years old if you can and I agree with that as my DC1 became so much more defiant when he turned 3!

It’s the perfect gap. 2.5 year old now 3 with his 6 month old sister and is so helpful and lovely with her

He’s far easier than he was between 18-24 months and can go to the toilet and wash his hands well so it doesn’t feel like double the work

I have a 2 year gap between no. 1 and 2 then a 2.5 year gap between no. 2 and no. 3.

2.5 year gap was noticeably easier.

I have found it just fine (baby 5 months atm). She lived in the carrier for the first couple months... Only came out to eat and nappy change! It is a balancing act of who is getting the best of me... But so long as they both get a share of that I don't feel guilty! A lot of time baby will be sat on my lap when doing crafts with 3 year old... And 3 year old will get extra TV time when baby is napping on me so he stays quiet 😁. Honestly love their bond... They are both smitten with each other.

Potty training... Your toddler may just be ready and it may be easy! So if that happens just go with it because I have loved my son not being in nappies (he got trained with first lock down when his nappies went out of stock!!).

I personally love having a double buggy as we go on really long walks sometimes where my son would just run around at the destination kind of thing. I think we could have managed with a buggy board and carrier but the double is definitely comfortable for all of us (out n about nipper).

re the double buggy - I borrowed one from a friend, working on the principle it was only going to be a short term thing, until he realised I could still strap him him when he had a strop, but found it so useful that I bought one. It only cost me £40 second hand, and was money well spent.
It depends on personality though. When I had dc3, dc2 never needed / wanted the double buggy with her little sister. dc2 has a very different personality from dc1

I gave it away on Freegle after that - so you never know, someone else might be doing the same. It needn't cost loads, and if you need it, it is money well spent.

I’ve got just over 2.5 year age gap between mine and when I was pregnant I read a thread on here about whether it was harder being pregnant with a toddler or a newborn and a toddler; general consensus was being pregnant with a toddler was harder which I would agree with. I think mainly because no one else can take the pressure of being pregnant away but when you have the baby people can help with the baby so you can give your toddler attention and also you can get your toddler involved a bit more.
I do find that the baby has to wait a bit more as DDs demands are often louder but I think that’s quite normal as if both are crying you often have to choose who to go to and you get very good at feeding while doing things for your toddler.
It helped a lot when DD started nursery as then I get some time to concentrate on the baby.
I got both a sling and a buggy board which were useful but unless we need to go on a long walk DD now is pretty good at just walking alongside the buggy.
We’ve now got new challenges as the baby is crawling and pulling himself up so tries to get DDs toys so on reflection it was easier when he was less mobile but you find ways round it.