Is it ok to tell 12 year old son he's overweight?

[Glittergirl80]

So worried about my son. He's 12, 5ft 4 and over 9 stone. I have struggled with my weight most of my life. I've lost 2 and a half stone over the last few months with weight watchers and I'm a size 16 so not morbidly obese but its always a struggle. I can see my son putting on so much weight and he already gets bullied because of it. he has a very restricted diet which is full of carbohydrates its not that he actually eats a lot but I think its what he's eating. The other problem is I'm in the middle of divorcing his Dad who after 4 months is still living in the house with us and refusing to leave while lawyers sort things. He is a shit dad and is trying to play dad of the year by taking him and our other DS to mcdonalds and getting them fish suppers every week sometimes twice. He even "challenged" him yesterday to see if he coulf eat a flipping DOUBLE big mac!!!! ans he did eat it!! my som is currently undergoing investigation for possible ADHD and/or Autism which could explain his issues with food. The question is do i tell him he is overweight and needs to try and cut down? I don't want to upset him but his weight worries me and I don't want him to be like me and hate himself and be miserable for it. Do I just discreetly cut him down or do I explain I'm worried about his health and say we're going to try cutting down on sugar and takeaways and be healthy? Any advice or help from anyone in this situation would be appreciated xx

do I explain I'm worried about his health and say we're going to try cutting down on sugar and takeaways and be healthy

^more ‘let’s get really fit and healthy and cut down sugar and takeaways’. Then encourage him to join you on a daily walk after dinner to get fit/see the Christmas lights in the neighbourhood.
Sorry your STBEH is such a dick, I hope he moves out soon

I really wouldn't. I can't see any good coming from it, he'll know anyway the others kids at school don't usually hold back making comments.

How does he feel about the ADHD/ASD diagnostic process?

Hope that you get your ex out soon, he sounds very immature and selfish.

Umm I would be cutting down on the food and upping exercise. No need to tell him he is fat. But perhaps talk about the importance of healthy eating and staying a healthy weight range.

Who buys and makes the meals? If it is him youll need to address it with him.

If it is you, you can make those dietary changes without telling him, so he doesn't feel self-conscious. And watch the amount he is served at meal times. Make sure he isnt being given adult portions.

If it is you, you can make those dietary changes without telling him, so he doesn't feel self-conscious. And watch the amount he is served at meal times. Make sure he isnt being given adult portions

This is very is very good advice. I cook and my DH had very poor eating habits. I've gradually introduced him to veg and then upped the amount of veg on the plate until he gets roughly half his plate of veg.

If you want to know what a normal portion size looks like st this age, have a look at this guide from the Caroline Walker Trustt* as it gives suggested portion sizes based on his levels of activity

Wtf? He knows he is chubby.
You as a parent change things for the whole family. Ffs.

Please don’t say he is fat . My ex used to do this to our son plus his school “friends” made unkind comments. He is 18 now and still struggles mentally from his dad’s comments. He is being diagnosed with adult ADHD. We joined a local programme called MEND for overweight children which helped a bit. As my son got older and started playing football and riding a bike the weight dropped off. He is now a tall, slim handsome boy.

I've just calculated his BMI as 21 which is perfectly normal....

Or have you made an error there?

FWIW, a lot of this is possibly a coping mechanism with the parental situation, imminent puberty and the possible diagnosis.

He's probably about to shoot up in height as well.

FGS don't tell him he's fat. Wait til dad has gone and then just subtly reduce fast food, slightly decrease portion sizes etc.

Ok, on the slightly overweight side as I hadn't really considered what they class BMI for children

But still, you yourself most likely know how it feels to have those comments, there are ways to say it