Help! Newborn won't sleep on her own

[Diglett567]

My baby is now two weeks and a day old, I'm really struggling to get her to sleep on her own. She only seems to settle well while being held. This isn't such a problem in the day because I can hold her/ put her in the sling. At night I'd like to put her down in the cot so I can get some sleep, it's totally killing me.
Does anyone have any experience with how long this phase lasts? If I continue to try putting her down will she eventually just get used to it or am I fighting a losing battle at only 2 weeks old? Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

You make the transfer quick and clean - preferably using a Muslim cloth to cover their eyes while you do the transfer, so they thing they are still attached!

If they wake up, it’s usually wind or acid heart burn

Probably not want you want to hear but at two weeks that's totally normal. Keep trying, she'll get there. A good tip is to put them down feet first, and slowly. Keep a hand on her chest for a minute or so.

My wee one was like this for the first 2 months. Make the most of the cuddles.

Swaddle your baby.

@BluebellsGreenbells

You make the transfer quick and clean - preferably using a Muslim cloth to cover their eyes while you do the transfer, so they thing they are still attached!

If they wake up, it’s usually wind or acid heart burn

That's the strangest piece of newborn advice I think I have ever read

Agree with swaddling, my little one loved it and slept like a log. Just keep trying different things, something will work

My LG was like this, but by the end of week 3 we were able to start using the Next2Me
... as others have said, just keep trying, make transfers quiet and and slow. I made the mattress on the crib softer by putting a blanket under the sheet (altho that's not advised), and also tucked a used t shirt under the sheet so it smelled like me.

How I got through the nights was I had DH take her from 10pm - 1am while I slept, then I did the 1am - 6am shift, then he had her 6am - 8am while I slept. It helped he was WFH!

.... then she had her 8 week jabs and started refusing to sleep in the crib again, so now we're co-sleeping which I never intended on!

If you’re exclusively breastfeeding then co-sleeping was my saviour in the early months

@poachedeggsandmushrooms you're not alone!

It's normal and it can be shockingly difficult.

If baby is particularly uncomfortable being laid down (but happy to sleep upright on you) it might be some reflux.

Baby can not learn bad habits at this age. They can't learn much of anything. Give her all the attention you're capable of and don't feel bad about how little that might be.

She cannot learn bad habits at this age. Just give her everything you can. There's no such thing as spoiling them but there's also no way to describe how difficult and demanding they can be when you're at your absolute weakest.

Go easy on yourself. If help is available, accept all of it.

@honeybun7979 oh good I'm glad it's not just me

Dont give up . Keep trying her . My baby now 4 months took him 3 weeks and then he began to settle in his basket. I used my pillow case not washed as his moses basket sheet . Midwife said i should get a me to you crib as i am EBF but im glad i didnt now as he is very independent most nights. Your doing great ..keep the faith

She's still tiny. My DD was absolutely the same. Ignore all of the advice to put them down "drowsy but awake" as it just doesn't work for most babies. It so hard, but normal. My friend advised me to look up "the fourth trimester". Basically humans are born about 3 months too early developmentally as our heads would to big to safely deliver much later. It means that for the first 3 months they basically think they are an extension of you and don't understand why you can't hold them 24/7.

Hang in there, and get as much help as you can. Support bubbles are opening up to people with a child under one when lockdown ends (in England), so that might be an option for a bit more help?

My baby was/is like this. She's 12 weeks now and I hold her as much as she wants. Tiny babies just want the warmth and comfort of their mums after being in the womb.

We were like this and even now at 10 weeks she has her moments but we find white noise playing while she is falling asleep and then keep the music going on the transfer and also sometimes pop a hot water bottle in the cot before she goes in so she doesn't go from a warm body to a cold cot. (Obviously follow safe sleeping when you put the baby in the cot remove the water bottle and make sure it's not too hot)

They rarely like to sleep on their own, read up on 4th trimester. If you breastfeed safe co sleeping would be an option (life saver for me)

Other options
White noise (youtube loop)
Warm crib before
Rock in pram and let them sleep in there if its sleep safe
Take it in turns 2 hourly while the other sleeps
Dummy if they take one
Swaddle
Nap when they nap in the day. Always. I still do now at 19 months 🙈

A killer but normal. My fiancé and I did it in shifts - one person held baby, another slept for 2-3 hours. Swap and repeat!

I'd definitely try a swadle, are you using a dummy?

My daughter had a dummy from about 5 days old, and i was always able to put her in her moses basket from about 1 week old.

It is very normal. If you think about it, their only experience of life is being in the womb where things are:

Dark
Cramped/tightly bound together
Lying inside a curved, perfectly fitted space
Sounds from outside world are muffled
Constant smell/taste (amniotic fluid)
Warm (think about what it's like in a warm bath)
Constant sound from mum's body - heartbeat, digestion, etc.
Constant movement from mum moving around.

Whereas lying in a cot/generally being in the world is very different.

Cold(er)
Lots of open space, unrestricted (triggers startle reflex)
Flat surface, may be cold
"World" noises are much louder
Unfamiliar smells
Air feels different/strange
Mum's comforting constant sounds are gone
Still
Light

So you can help them feel a bit more settled by recreating some of these things. They also tend to feel most comforted when being held close to you specifically because it ticks several of the boxes (warm, cosy, confined, movement, heartbeat/body sounds, smell of mum).

If you are BF and can feed lying down that's a great one to do. Move covers away, do on a firm flat surface, preferably a mattress, move covers away and one arm between the baby and the pillow means you're safe to doze off or sleep if you want to. This is much safer than accidentally falling asleep feeding in an unsafe situation.

Things which can help them when you don't want to/can't do this:

Swaddling (but only when alone, not when co-sleeping)
White noise / pink noise / any repetitive noise. Baby Sleep app is great for this or you can buy battery powered machines that make white noise.
Movement - being in a swing or hammock. Because these things aren't flat you can't leave them to sleep in them while you sleep yourself, but they're OK for daytime sleeps if you're nearby and supervising.
Surrounding them with a nest type product - again not recommended for unsupervised sleep, when you are asleep that counts as unsupervised.
I tended to find my babies were happier slightly warmer than the SIDS guidance recommends. I didn't feel they were overheated as they weren't sweaty. But one for your own judgement.

Swaddling and white noise. Lasts a few weeks, you’ll get through it!

Totally normal.
It's all she knows and wants. Just cuddle her!

Have you tried waiting 20 minutes after she falls asleep so she is in a deeper sleep before putting down? It’s all very well saying enjoy the cuddles but op needs to sleep too!

Swaddling, dummy and endless rocking worked best for us. I remember being so tired and my arms being so sore I wanted to scream (not helpful, sorry!).

Other thing is that cots are normally quite big and scary places for babies. Do you have a pram bassinet approved for overnight sleeping? If so, you could try baby in that and rock pram gently.

None of them do. They’re programmed to need to be held. Bad news is, they’re not designed to sleep alone for months or years. The only answer I know is co-sleeping.

@heroineinahalfshell

My LG was like this, but by the end of week 3 we were able to start using the Next2Me ... as others have said, just keep trying, make transfers quiet and and slow. I made the mattress on the crib softer by putting a blanket under the sheet (altho that's not advised), and also tucked a used t shirt under the sheet so it smelled like me.

How I got through the nights was I had DH take her from 10pm - 1am while I slept, then I did the 1am - 6am shift, then he had her 6am - 8am while I slept. It helped he was WFH!

.... then she had her 8 week jabs and started refusing to sleep in the crib again, so now we're co-sleeping which I never intended on!

@heroineinahalfshell exactly this! Really good advice. You've described my first weeks with Dc3. It's so hard in the first few weeks but it does get easier OP. Get your partner to hold baby whilst you kip. I've fallen sleep lying next to a baby on a floormat I have been so tired. And with my head in the next to me. If you do cosleep, the lullaby trust advice is the best out there for safer cosleeping.