Help I keep getting angry with my toddlers

[sheepherdingdog]

Hi all. I really need advice. This year has been incredibly hard emotionally and financially. We have been on welfare due to job loss and reduced income and had two periods of lockdown. My monthly migraines became chronic and almost my near constant companion. An unwanted guest who won’t leave. I have and am trying everything and they are slowly getting better. I’m waiting on a celiac diagnosis and have improved since cutting gluten. Anyway just wanted to say I am trying to get a handle on things.

What I’m not proud of is how much I’ve snapped at my kids, 3 and 1. They fight over a toy and start screaming at each other and the screaming and noise does my head in. I’d this irritated you normally it’s x 100 during a migraine. I really want to go and sleep but I can’t because I have to look after two kids. I feel a lot of guilt and shame over how I’ve treats them. I find toddler super annoying and I really cannot stand the bickering and the tantrums. It’s honestly horrendous when in pain I just want them to shut up. My husband also makes me feel awful about it and says I need to push pain aside and just get on with life and sing songs and play with them and not let it bother me. Says someone who has never had chronic pain. I didn’t ask to be like this. I’ve stopped medication, changed my diet to keto and am awaiting an allergy panel to further refine my diet. It’s hard to describe but imagine the worst headache you’ve ever had that lasts for days at a time that also makes you crabby, and comes with sleeping troubles, exhaustion and nausea. And then being expected to have the patience of a saint to two crazy toddlers. I feel like he’s being unrealistic but then again I do want to have more patience and calm with them.

I suppose even before this happened I struggle with the demands of motherhood. My 3 year old will complain that she wants toast not cereal!! No now I want cereal!! I feel like a servant who’s just there to cook and clean and it’s very thankless. It’s ever harder when in pain.

I don’t know how to turn this around, I’m on a healing journey but in the meantime I need to cope with the kids. I just started work 3 days a week and they go to nursery which I’m grateful for, but I’m just struggling to not snap at them when they’re carrying on and having tantrums I just want some peace and quiet.

Thanks for listening

It sounds to me like your DH should step up and be the primary parent whenever possible. And get as much childcare as you can.

What's your DH doing? Is he doing the majority of the childcare? Does he at least take them out to the park or for a walk so that you can sleep?

He works full time, but he helps as much as possible when he can. He does do a lot of housework etc at home. I just struggle with it all when I’m not feeling well. Especially the fighting over toys or bickering. I should try and ask for more rest time when he’s home and go and lie down

I’ve found trying to spend time individually with my children much better. I can deal with them both whining on being annoying on their own but when both of them do it in tandem it really goes through me and I can feel my stress rising. Being stuck at home makes it much harder. Hopefully work will give you a bit of a break from it. Now lockdown is ending are there any classes you can go to on your non working days? I’ve found getting out much easier. Once the elder one went to school, it was much easier but we still find taking them on a 1:1 basis at the weekend to be important for our sanity.

Yes we’re just enrolling the 3 year old in ballet classes and swim lessons, and I hope that is ginger hep her get some energy out! yes having two young ones on lockdown as been really tough, we’ve all just been living on top of each other. Thanks for commenting.

I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old...its hard work!!

Definitely try and separate them when you can. Tag team when you're husband is off. Does the youngest still nap? sleep when they do whilst the oldest is occupied by your husband when he's not working.

I also suffer from migraines and for me its hormone related. You have my sympathy I know how utterly shit it can be