I can't do it anymore

[idontknow54789]

I can't do it I can't cope anymore. DS1 is three, his nursery is closed at the moment because of all the staff isolating. DS2 is 13 weeks and wakes ALL night. He also won't go in the pushchair, screams when he even goes near it - I've tried sitting the seat up a bit but no luck, he'll only go in the sling if he's asleep but won't sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. I can't leave the house at the moment, when I try DS2 will just scream and I've snapped at DS1 too many times for being slow or just being a normal toddler it's just not fair on him. DP is wfh which is good but he's expected to work long hours still so I only see him briefly before he puts DS1 to bed, at which point I go to bed. All day I'm pacing up and down the house with a screaming baby while the toddler yells at me. I just can't do it anymore, when does it get easier? I can't see it getting any better at all.

Get your DH to take a week off NOW!! Tell him it is an emergency, your mental health is slipping and you need help before it gets so bad you end up in a unit and leave him alone with them (you won’t but give him a shock ha ha!!).

You just need a break OP, this stage is bloody tortuous yet we are expected to appreciate every minute with muddy puddles walks and pics on Facebook!!
Make a routine for the day to make things easier with your toddler...and if that means unlimited pepper pig for a few days then so be it! This collicky stage with baby will pass, he just needs to grow his stomach a bit. In the meantime do all you can to stay sane. Ready meals etc. You will get through this!

It does get better. It will get better. I'm in a similar situation in that I have a 2 years old dd and a 5 month old dd. Dd1 has struggled a fair bit with lockdown although I'm very lucky as my childminder has mostly been able to stay open and she goes 2 days a week. Is there any way you can get alternative childcare for your toddler while your nursery is shut?

As for the baby, I know it's so hard to get outside with 2 kids, but I once read that screaming babies tend to sound quieter when your outside. Also, the trundling of the pram might help get him to sleep. Maybe put something you wear in the pram with him to comfort him.

Also, I'm reading a book in a desperate attempt to become a more calm parent to my toddler. It says that you can't possibly parent well if your cup is empty. I agree with @SandysMam, you need your DH to take some time off to step in so you can rest properly. Even if it's just 10 minutes alone with a brew, or a 20 minute walk outside by yourself.

I get this. It's a fucking nightmare being stuck in the house with a baby and toddler. Your DH needs to take some leave and entertain the toddler while you rest as far as you can with a colicky baby.

Thanks for your replies. I'll speak to DP about taking some time off - although I can't help but think it'll just fix it for that day and isn't solving anything long term. I'm giving up on sleep tonight and am enjoying tv and a cup of tea on my own, is helping clear my mind a bit. I wish I was asleep though I'm not sure how I'm going to get through today

Oh you poor thing thing, it is so tough. Mine were similar ages too. Do you think baby has reflux? My first was like that, would never sleep and wanted to be held forever. Can you ring your health visitor or gp for advice? Hope it improves soon and it does.x

You don't need to fix anything long term because this stage passes so quickly. Just get through the next couple of weeks and it will be easier. Try to persevere with a sling walk. I used to have a lovely fleece for baby wearing that worked wonders. You just all need to be alive at the end of each day. This bit will pass in the blink of an eye.

Also if you have a non sleeper you need to divide the night into shifts. I would always sleep 8-12 so at least I got a chunk at the start the night

DS was a screamer. Couldn't get him anywhere near a pram. Ended up buying an Ergo baby carrier and it saved my sanity. Not a cure all but helped massively for getting out of the house, might be worth a try?

I have a non sleeper baby, but no toddler as well to look after so hats off to you. My dh also works from home.

Things that might help you:
Get dh to take both children 7am-8am downstairs. He can play with before work, give eldest breakfast and carry baby in sling a while. You get an hour to breathe in bed, take a shower without being needed and just do stuff alone.

Again - get dh to help at lunch. He must stop for lunch an hour, if he doesn’t, start. He can help prep lunch with you, help hold baby whilst you eat, and take baby off your hands to change nappy etc and hold 20 mins whilst you sit down.

Can you buy toddler some easy to self entertain bits for Christmas. You know what he likes I’m sure, but something easy enough and not messy.

Outside walks def try again. I know when mine cry’s a lot, indoors it seems to echo and drive me mad, outside it isn’t so bad. Can you get a cheap double buggy off Facebook marketplace? Might be worth it for 6 months as both can be strapped in and contained even if they scream.

This sounds so hard

When is ds2 happiest?

When will ds1 go back to nursery?

Thanks for your replies. My partner is taking the afternoon off to help give me a bit of space, I think he's going to that once a week to help a bit. I managed to go for a walk this morning and DS2 didn't scream the place down and actually fell asleep in his pushchair. The cold fresh air helped a bit so feeling a bit more positive now.