Whining(screaming!)before meal times, need to rethink routine?

[Elmo311]

Hi everyone,

I have a 2.5yr old and a 19mo.

I'm having a problem with the 19mo crying and whining at me before lunch and dinner time. It makes it very stressful for me as I've got her at my feet in the kitchen crying until her food is ready, it's very stressful for me as I'm trying my best to get the food ready!

I clearly need a rethink of the routine.

8am they wake up

8:15ish Breakfast

10am- Snack, youngest will have cows milk.

11:30am Lunch. Sometimes it's nearer to 12 but I often end up doing it earlier because youngest is upset.

1pm- 3:30/4pm- 19mo naps

2:30pm - 2.5yr old has a snack

4pm- 19mo has milk after nap (sometimes doesn't drink much)

5pm- dinner time.

6:30pm- 19mo milk. If she didn't drink it at 4pm.

6:30pm- 2.5yr old goes to bed
7pm- 19mo goes to bed (if she woke at 4pm otherwise is 6:30pm too)

My son dropped milk at 12mo exactly so I'm not sure what I should be doing with her bottles at the moment?

The other problem I have is that if I give snacks at 4pm then they both don't eat much dinner at 5pm, and then I've spent ages cooking for nothing?
I could do dinner at 6pm but the 2.5yr old is quite often tired at this point and sometimes falls asleep in his high chair!

Help, there's obviously something I'm not seeing here and I hate seeing my daughter so upset because she's hungry and I've got it all wrong!

I should also probably mention that 19mo doesn't eat any fruit, even though I offer everyday. She's always rejected it. But she will eat pepper, carrot, hummus, cucumber, sweet corn etc which I've sometimes given them in between 4-5pm but it either results in her still being upset or they're both fine and don't want dinner.

Hm. Could it be not a problem with routine but that when you make meals you're a bit stressed and unavailable?

Mine have high chairs in the kitchen so they can see what I'm doing and I give them something to play with or a raw carrot/cracker while I prepare food.

Might be worth a try?

@DemolitionBarbie It could be that, for sure, as sometimes I'll put the tv on and she won't be as 'bad' but she will still come to me. I think they watch too much tv atm so I'm trying to limit it.

Even at lunch time where say, I'm heating up something in the microwave for them she is often still crying at me.

It really makes me angry! I get frustrated as I'm TRYING to sort it out but she's not letting me and so it just ends up a really shitty.

As soon as food is in front of her she's fine....

I used to do the same as PP and sit mine in a high chair with one of their plastic kiddie knives, a mushroom or chunk of cheese and ask her to cut it up to help me get the food made.

It usually gave me just enough time to do the prep and she would often eat the food she was preparing which would tide her over till the real meal was cooked.

At 2, as far as I remember, my son had lunch at nursery and tea around 3:30. I recall the timing of the latter as much because it didn't make sense to pick him up on the way home from getting his older sister from school as they were always in the middle of tea! He didn't need very much more in the evening at that stage.

Maybe focus your cooking efforts on what you offer for lunch, and try having tea at 4 with additional milk and/or snack later if either need it?

@FatGirlShrinking It's a good idea, i will try it.

@Pythonesque That does seem the obvious solution. I have tried it previously but it didn't work as DD just wanted milk.
I will try it tomorrow. Thank you

Could you try a couple of days where you prep the food in the morning (i.e. sandwich) so it's on a plate in the fridge you can hand over, that way you'll know if it's about food prep or something else?

I also sing or play music in the kitchen, helps to keep their minds busy!

It's often because you are distracted and it's a stressful time, but for the snack times, is she actually having a snack, or just milk? It looks like only your 2.5 year old is having a proper snack. I know mine would have been wanting to eat my leg off at that age if all they had was a cup of milk between meals. They definitely needed a proper snack. My now 2 year old pretty much had (and still does have) two snacks between lunch and dinner and still eats a proper dinner.

@DemolitionBarbie For lunches it's usually pretty quick prep. She was great today though, 😅.

Her brother is quite boisterous and he wants to play with her but he doesn't know his strength yet, I think that's also another reason she comes to me. So she can be safe!

I'll try singing some Old McDonald! Thank you

@mindutopia She only has milk, and her brother will have some fruit. I think you're right in that maybe I should offer her food as well, I did previously but it always got rejected after she'd had some milk!

I also used to give her milk before breakfast in the morning, but then she wouldn't eat her breakfast. It's hard as I need them on a similar feeding schedule for my sanity!