We take turns for Christmas and this year is my ex husbands turn to have our son. He is 12.
He lives about 7 hours drive away with his wife and baby. He usually has our son for a week in summer holidays, a week at half term and the odd long weekend here and there. He also sometimes comes and stays nearby and takes our son for a few days. They speak every night on the phone or FaceTime.
He hasn’t seen our son since January - mainly because of covid I think.
First lockdown he didn’t want to take him because he said he couldn’t book time off his work. I asked why he couldn’t take him and arrange childcare etc like I have to, he declined to do this.
Then he organised to have him in summer holidays. He cancelled this blaming covid and not being able to take time off work.
Then he was meant to have him for a week in October - he cancelled this by text message.
I have to manage childcare etc on my own so it’s been such a hard year without any help at all.
Our son has autism so things can be very full on at times too. Lockdown and home schooling was challenging.
With the current lockdown in my area, and the one coming to a close in England, I am reluctant to drive our son down to his dads which is 7 hours away. In fact the longer this covid thing has gone on, the more anxious I feel about it. I really am not comfortable with our son being so far away during this pandemic and I think it’s best for our son to stay home with me and his little sister. He has his routine here. He can get very strict about covid rules and it stresses him out a lot. So I feel he’s better here where he knows what’s what and what is happening daily.
My son wants to stay home too but doesn’t want to upset his dad or make him angry (he does have a temper and our son compares staying at his house to an army camp).
Our son masks his autism with his dad so his dad never sees the meltdowns and how anxious he can be and how he punches himself in the face out of frustration etc. Our son hides it all until he his home with me and lets it all out. So staying at his dads can be extremely stressful for our son.
I tried to discuss Christmas plans with my ex husband but he got angry and said it’s his turn to have him and started quoting the guidelines on children travelling and staying with their other parent. Which I admit annoyed me. He wasn’t quoting the guidelines when he cancelled plans so many times.
I don’t know what to do. What would you do ?
Would you let your child go for Christmas this year?
I want to suggest that he comes up here if he wants to see him - is that a reasonable offer ?
Help!