Does it happen to you to lose patience with your children in the front of your friends ?

[Summerfruitfullofscaryworms]

So we went to the park meeting one friend with her 2 children and another not really close friend with her 2 children. My dd was the only one not doing what she was told (she's 3) and running all over the place even putting herself in danger near the car park..and she was moaning, nagging if I was not giving what she wanted...and I was losing it, showing I was annoyed when I should have kept a composed face..she's so hard, so hard...and my friends had their own children but not as hard as my dd...they have never shown they were fed up...they must think I'm a shit mother...and today she woke up at 6, throwing a big tantrum because she wanted to watch tv and we said no...so she has screamed and screamed...and now I cant bear the sound of her voice, she tries to wound me up..I determined not to have a shit day today but we have a bad start...
Is it normal to feel like this towards your own child ?? Oh my god, just remembered it's half term.......

oh summerfruit I am so sorry to read this.
yes of course it is normal, some children are hard to cope with and three can be a very challenging age.
I remember thinking SO many times - dd1 was the worst behaved today again.
but I bet that they don't think you are a shit mother, not at all. do you talk to them? share your concerns? you are not alone in this, your friends are there to help you. can you do some swaps, get a little time on your own?
early starts are hard work too. ar eyou getting enough sleep? going ot bed early enough?
do you have any support this weekend?

I can remember finding it really tough with my first dd when she was that age.

Things to remember are.......

You are not a shit mother (shit mothers don't care if they appear shit)
Everything does pass (it's only a phase)
Take 5mins for yourself and do NOT feel guilty, being a mum is bloody hard work!
Time out does work if you are consistant.
Diet does affect children's behaviour imo.
Take her out every morning and do something with her, boredom makes them more likely to misbehave (plus fresh air and activities tire them out so they will want a rest in the afternoon so you can egt that 5 mins peace we talked about .
Use praise/ stickers/ rewards whenever she is is being good!
It will get better and one day she will thank you for your hard work!

MN is here to support you so come back here and rant away as much as you like!

((((((((SFFOSW)))))))))

Do not feel bad. You are totally normal. And a very good mother, with the patience of a saint, I am sure. You do care and you are loving, but have the strength to say no, to your dd. Shall we put you on a pedestal - will that make you feel better. Please do not worry. Are you seeing them again soon ? Slip it into the conversation. I am sure they are already impressed with how you handle your dd. Three year olds can drive you to distraction.

oh poor you .. yes its totally normal

3 year olds can be a pain in the arse .. that is why they call it the 'feckin' frees' ... 3 year olds are far worse than 2 year olds IME

and yes I lose my patience in front of friends .. we are all the same, all normal .. do not worry about it .. they will not be thinking you're a shit mother, they'll be thinking 'thank god its not my turn'

Yes, I dragged my 3 year old out of a birthday party because he wouldn't stay out of the host's bedroom and trashed her makeup

God, he cried all the way home, and I tore a strip off him, but I had had ENOUGH.

one word of advice (as an experienced mother of a four year old ) - try not to do the "how is today going?" thing - because if things go bad at 6.30am that can be depressing and disheartening for both of you. try to live int he moment and deal with things as they come. your three year old doesn't think like this - she doesn't say oh I was a pain this morning, I will ease off this afternoon - or - I have been good all day, I won't spoil it - they are ^much% more short term than that. to impose that kind of artificial construct - imo and ime - is a recipe for frustration and feelings of failure.
otoh it can he;lp both of you to focus on the positive - i.e. you stuck to your guns about not watching tv, dd was polite or ate her lunch well or whatever, and reinforce that for her and you

totally agree with lovemygirls

you are not a shit mother - you are a normal mother going through the shit that children bring sometimes.

You are all lovely !!! We managed alright but it was hard, I had to put in her bedroom, it was or that or I'll have end up screaming like mad at her...I know the weather is lovely, I know we should be out but I have to clean the fridges etc..we'll go out this afternoon as she has ballet...I try to have as many plans as possible as she loves playing outside with the other children but I cant do it 7 days a week..otherwise the cleaning never gets done !! I have spoken to my friend about this and she understands but you should see her, she's so good with her children, I have never seen her losing the plot ! Well she 's a nursery teacher that maybe explain why but still...and you want to know the worst ??? I'm training to be a childminder !! How ironic !

I'm a childminder too, you need to leave the cleaning (im a clean freak so do understand) but you need to leave it and go out in the morning's it will transform your days, once they have been out and played in the morning they dont mind having a rest in the afternoon and you can have a little tidy up after lunch. I have times of the day when i tidy and clean and am now in a pretty good routine which means the mess is never so bad that it takes hours and hours, I do a deep clean at weekends when i can.