Am I mean for not wanting mil to babysit?

[Sophie1029734]

My baby is 9 months old and has yet to be left alone with mil and fil. I've left her alone with my grandad and my nan twice to nip out. She has made many comments about wanting to babysit but I dont trust her because of things she has suggested for LO and told me she done with her kids.

• She is confused why I dont feed her chocolate and juice, she even wanted to get her an advent calendar even after the multiple talks about not wanting that stuff introduced yet. I worry she will introduce it when I'm gone.
• When LO was wobbly and new to holding her head up, fil put her her belly down in the air and launched her forward like a ride. There was a lot of force and her head went back and I wasnt the only one who jumped up. I had to watch out of symptoms for whiplash and shaken baby syndrome. He hasn't had chance to do that again with me being there.
• Mil suggests leaving LO to cry because I still breastfeed her to sleep. She told me about how she left her son in the cot and left him the entire night screaming and vomiting, he was very distressed but says it works because he slept in the morning.
• My mils mum is big on smacking when kids are naughty, she smacks her grandkids so I will never leave LO with her, but I worry MIL will have the same outlook. She smacked her kids.
• She doesnt seem to know when to stop feeding LO, when I feed her mil suggests I keep going even though she was turning her head away and clamping her mouth shut.

She would just pressure me so much to babysit when she was a newborn, saying I should bottle feed and stop co sleeping so shes less reliant on me and more available to others. Maybe that's what's put me off, why does she want to babysit so bad. I'm letting mil take LO for a walk after lockdown. Maybe the fact she "pops round" atleast 3 times a week and sees us for hours on the weekend makes me resent her wanting more time with LO, shes even considering changing to a more flexible job and one of the perks is more time with us. I know her many requests to babysit and manipulate me to change my parenting has made me resent her but I nit pick EVERYTHING she says, I dont do it with anyone else. I dont work so babysitting is purely for others, I feel bad for continuing to say no.. she just loves LO and I know theres a point where I'm being selfish.

Protecting your dc is actually your responsibility.. It does not make you selfish..
Think of it that she has more time to inflict her choices on the other dgc...
My mil's never had my dc alone. Many many reasons.. From no boys to be naked or they wil get sexual feelings - to catching her force feeding ds cold mash in the kitchen..

No, you're not mean, not at all.

I have no safety concerns with my family and I still didn't feel comfortable leaving DS till he was a little over a year.

You're your LO's mum and it's up to you. Don't let them wear you down! You're not being selfish, you're following your mothering instincts.

What does your DP say? Can your DP have a word and ask them to lay off?

Your MIL has very old fashioned ideas which are now not evidence based and arguably detrimental to health and development. YANBU and sound like a fantastic mum.

The smacking would do it for me. I'd tell her she will never look after my child as you don't trust her

YANBU. You don’t owe it to her to let her babysit.

Oh good god, not mean at all. Enough said!

Just say thank you but you're okay for a break and you enjoy having her all the time. No need to feel guilty, I'd be the exact same. She sounds overbearing and too involved. Can you speak to DH or would that not help?

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I'm really quite sure I'd be feeling the same as you.

Could you suggest to DH that you have a weekend if just the three of you?

If she's popping around so much, keep a hat by the door and stick it on saying "oh we were just about to go out".

You're not being mean!!!! I feel like that about my mil and fil and they don't sound nearly as bad as yours. Your baby needs you and you know what's best for them. There's no reason why you should feel obliged to allow your mil to babysit when it's not in your child's interest. She sounds bloody awful 😂

Oh my gosh I would be petrified. Do not leave your baby with them lol

Omg, no way I would let them babysit. You're the mother OP, trust your instincts and stand by your own decisions. Don't be polite and say yes when you don't want to - you're the one who would probably feel awful the whole time just so they get their way. Babies are not toys to be passed around for others benefit - your little one relies on you to stand up for them. It's your PIL who are unreasonable not to respect that it's the mother's and baby's wellbeing that matters.

You've got 3 posts about your mil and not letting her babysit etc. You have 1 post explaining an incident where you and you partner basically beat each other up. Him kicking and pushing you, and you throwing cans of coke and deodorant tins at him.
In one post about your mil, one of your criticisms is that she disciplines children with hitting (of course not ok) but you and your dp beat the shit out of each other. Pot calling the kettle black?
You all sound as bad as each other. End the relationship get some help. Both of you.

I don’t think your MIL is the issue (read OP’s other posts).