10 year old son wants to wear nail polish.

[Ashleymitchell84]

Hiya, my ten year old (eleven in Jan) wants to wear nail polish, because he see his sisters who are 7 having their nails be painted. I don’t see a problem with it as he can’t wear it to school anyway and he isn’t playing out due to lockdown and social distancing rules, so there is no chance of him being bullied for it. However his dad is adamant that he is not allowed to wear it because it makes him camp. I’m just wondering if anyone has any ways of helping me get him to come round to the idea.
Thank you i’m advanced.

I don’t know what to do, i have 3 children with him and I don’t just want to take them away from him but if any of my children are gay, trans or anything i don’t want them to be scared to be who they are and i know that if he has his way they’d never come out.

You have to pick your battles with kids, and to me I couldn't waste valuable energy getting worked up over nail polish! I've noticed lots of men wearing it so I'm assuming it's the trend at the mo? I can imagine based on your husbands reaction you do most of the parenting? he comes home from work tells you your son he isn't wearing nail polish and expects you to trot off and tell your son?

I totally agree with your stance on the nail polish, hair thing but I do think you're over reacting tbh. For a lot of people it's really difficult to get their head around things that they were brought up to believe. My DF was exactly the same. He's just old fashioned hardly a reason to break up a family over. Give your DH time to see that no harm will come to your DS

Homophobe?? Ridiculous comment

He is a homophobe.
Wearing nail polish does not make someone gay, and not every gay (or even "camp" gay man) wears nail polish.
Therefore the husband is making a ridiculous and stereotypical assumption that his son will become gay if he wears nail polish. He therefore assumes that gay men become gay because their parents allow them to act in a certain way, which is pretty homophobic and also pretty sexist.

Op you put your son's name in one of your recent updates. Just to say if you want to ask for it to be changed.

Your husband needs to seriously unclench. I'm in my 40s. I had boy friends who wore nail varnish when I was a teenager. It's not a new thing.

A lot of my friends are Goth/alternative in fashion, I've known most of the men to wear black nail varnish at some point.

Why do you need to get him to come round to the idea. Its just a bit of fun. Like you said no one will see so no risk of bullying who cares. What exactly will he do if his ds paints his nails without his permission?

How is he not a homophobe?

It is not something gay men would do.

There is a fear of femininity that some men have and they enforce strict gender norms. They do not like any deviation from masculinity.
They think women are a lower caste.

I'm not remotely 'woke' or whatever the phrase is, but honestly your husband is such a twat.

It's nail polish ffs. Can't believe men are still so scared of their precious masculinity being broken that they project this shit onto their kids.

Paint your sons nails, tell him he looks ace & tell your husband he's a cunt.

My son, now 11, went through a phase of getting his nails done when his big sister could be persuaded. It passed. It's just dressing up. Your Husband is being a dick. (I'm a man and back in the 80s we used to wear a lot of makeup when we went out to the club.)

@ClaireP20 You sound ridiculous. Get a grip.

OP, I have a family member that has views like your husbands so I sympathise with you. It's hard when someone you love has such awful views on things.

I understand the my OH was brought up in a different time and that when he was growing up in the 70’s and 80’s it was something frowned upon. But he has to understand that i don’t want to restrict our children and make them feel uncomfortable within themselves. I know it’s just nail polish, but it may not always be nail polish. We could have a child who isn’t straight, who is transgender or anything. My brother is gay and he felt like he couldn’t tell my family so he didn’t come out until after our parents died and i don’t want any of my children feeling like they aren’t accepted and have to hide who they are.

@grapewine thank you for telling me, it’s okay it’s not like it a uncommon name. 😊

@Oblahdeeoblahdoe i don’t think i’m overreacting. I’m not saying that i’m going to break up my family, i’m just saying i don’t know if i could be with a man who most likely wouldn’t accept a child who isn’t straight. He’s said it over other things before not just nail polish, he’s told him that he can’t play with his sisters baby dolls or that he can’t use the kitchen sets, toy hoovers that he can’t watch princess movies and many other things. It’s toxic masculinity, if our son plays with dolls so what he could be a father one day, if he plays with the kitchen set he could be a chef. It’s many things, he just can’t comprehend the fact that things are different today.

He sounds toxic indeed.

I have a vision in my head of some muscly tattooed bald bloke with a 'manly' swagger

Seriously though, you need a serious chat with him OP. Find out exactly what his reaction would be if one of your children came out

Ooops apologies for the biscuit, half asleep! Meant to be just flowers!

I always paint my sons nails. I picked up a couple of greens and blues so they could choose. I have plenty of remover so it's all cleaned off before school or football.
I'm always doing mine and my daughters as I'm a nail tech and I don't want to tell the boys no you can't wear it as its only for girls.

What would be the isdue if your ds is camp or later says he is gay?
Will your dh accept your dc bringing home partners of same sex?
If not...maybe time to separate so your dc have safe and loving haven whatever their future

How does your dh get on wirh your brother? Is he scared?

In your shoes, I would paint my husband's nails while he's sleeping.

I'd tell your DH (quite forcefully) that it is never worth having a fight about anything that can easily be removed.

It's as well he learns this now before the DDs are teens

Oh dear I hope he realises how awful he's being. I couldn't have married my husband if he couldn't have accepted that any kids we have may be gay. My sons are 5 and 7 and they've both had their nails done, my 5 year old loves his curly hair so he wants to grow it long.
Nothing makes a person gay, and even if he was it shouldn't be an issue. I hope he doesn't make your son feel bad about wanting to wear it and I would do exactly what you did, it's not like you forced him to wear it!

Oh my god just saw what you said about the dolls, kitchen and cleaning sets, that's even worse! Does he do any cooking or cleaning himself? Did he look after his children when they were babies? Doesn't he realise how ridiculous he sounds

Well, you've married a Neanderthal. What's next?

My boss (bloke, 40s, 4 kids) very senior, once came into work with beautifully buffed and shiny nails.

His daughter has got one of those ‘blocks’ that you use to smoothe and shine your nails (and makes it look like you have clear polish on) and made him sit while she ‘did his nails’ the night before. He was showing everyone.

I very very rarely wear nail polish or makeup (or skirts or heels). What would your husband make of that? 🤯