8 week old doesn’t smile, turn to my voice or look at me

[HenrysHome]

Hi all, I’m having a really rough time with my 8 week old little boy (silent reflux, cmpa, colic) and am desperately looking for signs that he’s happy and loves me (Reading this back I think I might have ppd??) he’s never smiled, he never makes eye contact with anyone - he’s always staring into middle distance or slightly passed you), he doesn’t turn his head to the sound of my voice or seem to recognise me at all. This plus the near constant crying is really affecting my bond with him. I should mention he was 3 weeks early so I don’t know if that affects anything? Please reassure me that my little boy is happy and does actually love me

They say 3 weeks early is full term but my daughters born 4 weeks early didn’t smile until they were 10 weeks old so I wouldn’t be surprised if your little one still has a week or so to go. Smiles do just come out of the blue one day!

If you’re worried about your mental health then do speak with your GP. I can imagine it’s especially hard having a baby right now x

Did he have a hearing test in hospital?

@OverTheRainbow88 he did and he passed x

I really wouldn’t worry, he is young, born early and they all develop at different times.

Even know my 2 couldn’t have developed more differently. My youngest says more now than my eldest did when he was 3.

I would suggest you speak to your HV or GP if you aren’t feeling yourself, they will be able to help.

Your baby loves you, all they know what to do is cry and cry and burp and wee and poo!!’

Mine was 3 weeks early and didn’t smile till he was at least 10/11 weeks. He was in the NICU for his first couple of weeks so we had really tough start and I remember feeling exactly the way you do OP. If it helps, he then grew into the most joyous and optimistic child who finds happiness in everything. (Much more happy-go-lucky than my other child who smiled earlier!)

Ours was two weeks late and started social smiling about 5 weeks after birth. He did look at people and follow with his eyes quite a bit earlier than that. If yours was 3 weeks early then at 10 weeks since birth they would be equivalent to ours at 5 weeks so perhaps not such a big worry. The not looking at you bit I would consider worthy of further investigation and advice.

Hi
Life with a newborn is rough sometimes. Honestly, we can’t tell if your little one is happy or not but we can say that every baby is so different and there is a huge variation in development. Your little boy was 3 weeks early so developmentally, he is still only 5 weeks old which would be early for some of the things you are talking about. If he passed his hearing test then this is a good sign. Keep an eye on him and talk to your HV if you are still worried. Also, I’d say atm it’s probably more important to keep an eye on your own mood and seek support for yourself. Please don’t struggle alone.
The newborn phase is hard. It passes...it really does. Hang in there.

My little boy is also 8 weeks but born 3 weeks early and he isn't smiling either! I downloaded the wonder weeks app and it basically says that they will have the development age of a 5 week old which made sense after I read it all. I would definitely recommend downloading that. I also spoke to my gp and they've given him 3 weeks to smile then they'll review if he still hasn't xxx

Thanks everyone, glad to hear some of the things I’m worried about are normal, especially as he was early. Do you know what will happen at the review @daimbar2030?

@HenrysHome they said they'll just check him over again like they did at the 6-8 week review and then give him another 3 weeks, but hopefully he'll be smiling before then! I think I was expecting too much of him and forgot that during the first 3 weeks of his life, most other babies are still inside developing.

My lo was 8+ days early but so far is reaching milestones around the same time as the babies in our antenatal group that were close to her due date rather than the babies born at the same time as her.
She's 15 weeks now still doesn't respond to voices, the health visitor isn't too concerned as she makes lots of sounds and jumps at loud noises. She responds much more to physical cues and does smile. She has reflux too, I can't remember when she started smiling more I think it started a few weeks ago when her reflux started responding to the medication.
Hang in there it will get better and do reach out if you think that you might have some post partum mental health concerns. There is support out there

Made it to baby class but baby screamed then slept through the whole thing whilst I sat nearly in tears jealous of all the other mums and babies feel so sad for my little boy

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry, it's so hard sometimes. It is so hard when they are tiny, especially if they have allergies and colic. My friend's baby had cmpa and colic and she was very upset in the first few months, cried all the time.

If he was 3 weeks early, it is 5 weeks corrected age which is early for smiling.

One of mine cried through all the groups as a baby, when the others just gurgled happily or slept calmly. I always wondered what I was doing wrong!

Can you speak to your HV for some advice?

Be gentle with yourself, he's very little and you've just had a baby. It's a blur of exhaustion and hormones in the early days.

Probably too long a shot, but just wondering how you and your little are doing and if anything helped you?

Any update OP? :-)