Toddler's routine seems to have become a disaster - please help!

[Hardbackwriter]

DS is 2y4m. Until about June (so just before he turned two) he was a brilliant sleeper, had a two hour nap daily and then slept from 8-7. He then dropped the nap and it's never felt quite like we adjusted to a new routine, but in the last few weeks (maybe about the last six weeks?) it's gone to hell!

He started waking in the night when he dropped his nap (we tried very hard to keep him having it, but nothing doing). Recently he would wake up multiple times saying his nappy needed changing, so we took that as a sign to start potty training, which has gone very well but the night wakings have got much worse since then (he finds various reasons to call us in, but needing a wee or having a wet nappy are the most frequent). We're now in this cycle where he's totally exhausted all the time, but if he sleeps during the day (which he will only do in the car, and can't be transferred from the car anymore so it's not a great solution!) he wakes even more in the night and is worse the next day. If he doesn't then, like today, he's inconsolable with over-tiredness by 4/5pm, which also means he won't really eat dinner. It feels like we've got stuck and just need to find something and stick to it, but I'm not sure what - neither trying to push through without the nap or taking him out to get him to sleep seem to be the solution, but maybe we're not sticking with one or the other for long enough?

The broken nights aren't great but my bigger concern is the effect on him in the day - nursery have also commented that by the end of the day his behaviour is really different because he's just so tired. He's otherwise a really happy, good natured little boy so it's horrible to see this effect on him.

It's hard isn't it! My toddler is 2 year 9 month. I found this year very hard. Change of routine when nurseries shut, potty training and generally doing less than before, due to lockdown, have affected her.
Or maybe it's just her age? I don't know. Anyway, I feel for you. They do change all the time so just because you're having a difficult phase, take comfort in the knowledge that it will all change again soon. We have weeks of easy bed time and good routing and then suddenly it's all gone to shit.

@lemonsquashie

It's hard isn't it! My toddler is 2 year 9 month. I found this year very hard. Change of routine when nurseries shut, potty training and generally doing less than before, due to lockdown, have affected her. Or maybe it's just her age? I don't know. Anyway, I feel for you. They do change all the time so just because you're having a difficult phase, take comfort in the knowledge that it will all change again soon. We have weeks of easy bed time and good routing and then suddenly it's all gone to shit.

And also, my child won't nap in the day either. She does at nursery but won't at home. You can't force it

My DS went through a phase around that age and the nap seemed well and truly gone for a while or horribly late nights when he did nap and night wakes when he didn’t.

After a couple of rough months, the nap and more reasonable bedtime came back. He clearly still needed it. We now only nap him alternate days and wake him up by 2.30pm. He’s in bed 6.30pm on non nap days abs sleeps immediately. He goes to bed at 8pm on nap days and usually asleep by 8.30pm now. Alternate day naps works well for us. If he naps several days in a row, bedtimes push later. Misses a few naps in a row and he’s a mess.

As for the excuses and calling out, we just had to get tough on DS. We would go back in once and that was it, then we’d ask if he needed anything else because we weren’t going back in again. He was really upset for one night while we showed we meant it, tranche magically got over it the next day and stopped calling out for no reason.

Also put DS into a bed and a potty on a mat next to his bed so he could take himself to the potty if he needed a wee.

What time is his last fluid? Could you wake him say 10pm for a wee?

Luckily DD doesn’t mind her ‘sleep nappy’ and so far goes in the night without much fuss.

If you don’t think he’s ready to night train could you tell him to ‘hold it till morning’. What nappies are you using?

Our current routine for DD who is the same age- wake up at 6. Breakfast/ play. Go out for a walk about 9/10am. Wear her out as much as possible, long walks (I don’t know miles but I wear my watch and we aim for about 3000 steps). Lunch at 11 and start to wind down. Close the curtains and put her on the sofa with her dolls, put Peppa on because it’s predictable for her. Nap until max 1.30pm. Then another long walk and plenty of fresh air (I follow the rule that toddlers are like dogs and need to be worn out!) . Bed at 6.30/7.