Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

best friends dilemma

12 replies

ontheoutside · 18/10/2007 14:00

My ds has a best friend who he has been friends with for about a year now. They were at preschool together and have gone into school, into the same class together. They are pretty inseparable according to his teacher, although they do both have the ability to play with other children.

Anyway for the past few weeks I've suspected that this best friend's mum, who I thought was a friend of mine, doesn't like my ds. She's told him off a few times and seems to have been a bit short with him, and I don't really know why. My ds is a lovely boy, as is this other boy, they don't fight, of course they have the odd scrap over what game to play etc but generally they're always happy to see one another.

It's all kind of come to a head today because it's this little boy's birthday. I was helping out in their class this morning and we sang happy birthday to him and then teacher asked if he was having a special birthday tea. He said yes, and that he had friends coming over, and then proceeded to name those friends, and my ds is not one of them .

I am fairly sure it's the mum who has not invited my ds, because I am certain that this boy would have.

But now I'm really not sure what I should do. I do of course understand that it's peoples' perogative who they invite to their house, and if this little boy wasn't my ds' absolute best friend I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

So should I encourage my ds away from this child and try to get him to make a new best friend? Even though it's not the kids that have fallen out, I can't help thinking that this mum is going to try to end this friendship anyway.

I'm really thrown here, as have never been in the situation where engineering of friendships has been deemed necessary.

I am very for my ds and that this mother seems to have taken a disllike to my child with no good reason and that it's going to affect his friendship.

what would you do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ontheoutside · 18/10/2007 14:10

?

OP posts:
Oblomov · 18/10/2007 14:24

Oh dear. A quiet word with her. Is it possible that the teacher reported back something to the other mum, that you were not told of - i.e the two boys willing eachother on, in some way. Does she think your ds is a bit too boisterous ?

furReal · 18/10/2007 14:26

kill her for daring to not like your child. .

Seriously though. I would let them be friends at school if that's what they want, but try to cultivate some new friendships, perhaps get him to invite some of the children from his class home. Whatever happens, don't make a big deal about him not being invited, and if he gets upset, then maybe let him have a treat to take his mind off it.

If the friendship is a lasting one, then they will remain friends regardless of the mother's interfeerance.

very fpr upir ds though.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

ontheoutside · 18/10/2007 14:30

No, my ds is no more boisterous than her's, in fact he's a very sensitive child and has never been violent or malicious in any way. We had parents evening last night and teacher said that they are very close, but they don't do group work together so it's a healthy closeness rather than an obsessive one if that makes sense. She did say that she encourages all children to play with children other than just their best friends as friendships can be very fickle, but I go into the classroom twice a week so would be quite aware if there were any issues, and teacher is very upfront and would certainly tell me if that were the case.

OP posts:
maisemor · 18/10/2007 14:38

I would keep encouraging the friendship, it is neither your place or the other mother's place to decide who your children should and should not like/play with especially when they are in school.

You could try inviting the other boy over for a playdate and see what happens.

ontheoutside · 18/10/2007 14:43

the mother wouldn't allow him to go for a playdate anywhere. She doesn't let him go to anyone else's house. And she's always to busy to accompany him.

OP posts:
maisemor · 18/10/2007 14:52

So you have tried to invite him over in the past when you were "good friends"?

Oblomov · 18/10/2007 15:12

What a shame. She does sound a bit odd - if she won't allow her son to play at oneone elses house.
I don't know what to suggest.
Encouraging other friendships ?

ontheoutside · 18/10/2007 15:51

yes, I have invited him over in the past when they were friends. She has been over once with him and the invite was recipricated, we have been to their house socially as well and suddenly her whole attitude has changed and I am at a loss to explain why.

Ds came out of school and asked if he could go to x house as he was having a tea party with his friends, and I had to explain that he hadn't been invited and he said "but we're best friends" .

so I'm taking him to pizza hut for tea tonight but it shouldn't be like this.

am partly glad partly sorry I didn't see the mother at pick-up today.

OP posts:
maisemor · 18/10/2007 15:55

I think you should give it a go with inviting them both over. You could invite them for a pre-christmas cookie making get together.

Oblomov · 18/10/2007 15:58

I think something has happened - to her / something she has heard/ a decision she has MADE.
As you said, " her whole attitude has changed".
I am sure lots of others could advise you strategies on how to handle this.
I would just ask her - but thats just me - I am not necessarily advising that.
How sad for ds

maisemor · 18/10/2007 16:25

Having been there myself with my dd and a girl from her nursery.

They had our daughter over for half a day. We had a really good relationship with them, although we never socialised as adults. It was the children that were friends.

We then invited their daughter to our house and she was only allowed to stay for 1 hour.

We then invited her and another little friend for a princess party and they said that she would be there. The day before I met them outside and I said that we are looking forward to seeing you tomorrow Princess X. The mother just kind of looked at her husband and then just said oh but she can't make it tomorrow, and left me with my jaw hanging.

Decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and invited her over again, but no. It seems that we have done something absolutely horrible to them which they or they just don't like the neighbourhood we live in (we went bankrupt and now live in a council house - they live in a really nice big house). Just wish they had had the decency to let us know exactly what went wrong instead of just suddenly going all icy on us.

We all still speak to their daughter as if nothing has happened and play when we see her at the nursery (my daughter is no longer there as she is in school but our son is now in her room).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page