How much do you tell your kids?

[SexyGiraffe]

DD is 7.5 and fairly emotionally mature and articulate. My approach to conversations has always been to answer her questions as honestly as I can, in an age appropriate way. As she gets older she asks more and more questions and sometimes DH approves of how much information I give her. For example she asked lots of questions about Covid and then about other diseases people can get and which ones can kill you.

I do, as part of these conversations, reassure her that these things are quite rare and people don't usually die until they are very old, but I sometimes wonder if I'm giving her too much information?

I hate lying to her. How do you decide how much information to give your children?

DH and I work in A&E and we both had Covid. He was pretty bad and our 8 yr old had obviously been listening to the news and her sister because she was terrified. We sat her down and told her honestly that while a lot of people had died it was usually because they had other illnesses etc. She asked questions and were honest without being over the top. We have always said we wouldn’t lie if she asked a question so we may not give her an in depth answer but she always gets the truth. If you aren’t honest then you can’t expect the same from her and I really think it encourages a better relationship because they know that they can come to you and they’ll get an honest answer.

I agree with Eeyore - honesty is important with children, within their level of understanding. You are laying the foundations of trust which will be vital during the teenage years.
Children are fairly logical creatures at your DD’s age, and respond well to calm factual explanations. The toddler tantrums are past, and the emotional storms of puberty are yet to arrive!
The truth is that children and healthy young adults are highly unlikely to die of Covid, and we now have two vaccines in the pipeline, so there is a lot of reassurance you can give her.

I agree with previous posters that honesty is important. My mother had a serious health condition when I was around your DD’s age and nobody told me anything at all (which I can half understand because people were stressed, but it was also very much in keeping with my family’s dismissive attitude to children’s thoughts and feelings). Of course, I was very much aware that something was wrong with my mother and that people were hiding the truth from me. So I came to my own very flawed understanding of what was happening and ended up convinced that it was my responsibility to stop it (by adopting elaborate ritual behaviours, by being “perfect”, by never expressing any negative feelings). It might not have been the root cause of my spiral into severe anxiety and OCD, but it definitely made things a lot worse. If someone had explained things to me in an age-appropriate way and told me that my mother’s illness wasn’t my fault or responsibility, who knows how the next twenty or so years of my life might have gone?

If you aren’t honest then you can’t expect the same from her.

Exactly this. She needs to know that if she is worried about something, you are there to talk to.

Love these responses and it totally chimes with my approach. It's just sometimes I catch DH giving me the side eye and I wonder if I'm saying too much! Like last night DD said, "what's a heart attack, mama?" So, I tried (to the beat of my ability) to explain!

So far she is super honest with us (as far as I know) and I try and make sure that if she confides in me about something I will never be angry or dismissive. I will always listen and give an honest response. Hopefully it's building a good foundation of trust.

If she's asking questions like that, I'd get her a book on the human body although obviously if answe her questions first.

This one should be suitable soon, it says from 8 to 12 years