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Parenting

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Original poster

Full time working and young kids - so upset

25 replies

BexyJames · 18/11/2020 18:17

Due to covid I lost my job. I was part time hours, paid reasonably well and I got to spend time with my kids (2 and 7).
I was very lucky as usually in my type of job you can't go part time.

I had been with tthe company for 10 years, the plan was always to stay part time until my youngest was in school so I could make the most of my time with her, the same as I did with my eldest, when I initially went part time.

Now I've had to find my self a new job and I know I'm really lucky because of the current situation, but due to my industry and financial stuff the only one available that I could find was full time.. And I hate it!

Its for good company, the jobs OK, the people are nice but I'm crying every day because I feel lm letting my family and kids down.
I miss my youngest so much and the only time I'm seeing her is when she's in full on strop mode cos she's tired, my house is a state as I don't have time to keep on top of it and I generally feel awful.

My husband just says 'other family's do it.. We' ll work round it' but I feel like I'm going to miss the time with my youngest and I'm never going to get it back.

Please someone give me a ray of hope.
I feel so guilty for feeling this way because so many have lost their jobs and I should be grateful for having one but I don't want it.. I want to see my kids! But I can't afford to quit!

OP posts:

Ohalrightthen · 19/11/2020 19:11

Honestly, as a mother who chooses to work full time, raised by a mother who worked full time, i can tell you for sure that your kids don't really GAF about who's with them in the day as long as they're having fun. You'd be letting them down if you refused to work when your family needs the income.

Rainbowqueeen · 19/11/2020 19:21

Can you do compressed hours 4 days a week? Hire a cleaner? Is your DH stepping up and doing his fair share? WFH to cut down on the commute?
Your kids will be fine. It’s an adjustment. Can you find 5 minutes in the morning to do something nice together eg a story and a cuddle so you start the day off well?

ArosGartref · 19/11/2020 19:21

Has your salary increased as a result of going full time and can you use that money towards a cleaner to help with things at home?

What adjustments has your husband suggested? Or did he mean 'we' as in 'you'?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Mintjulia · 19/11/2020 19:24

You'll get used to it, give it a while. You'll both settle into a new routine.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 19/11/2020 19:30

@Ohalrightthen is bang on the money.

Oh and get a cleaner and outsource everything you can afford to outsource so you can spend as much time as possible with your kids.

One of the reasons I work full time is because one of the biggest stressors of my childhood was never having quite enough money, and I don't want to put my own child through that. Honestly, my childhood would have been a lot better if my Mum had worked full time and we hadn't been quite so hard up...

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 19/11/2020 19:31

(((HUG!)))

You're not letting your kids down, you're doing what you NEED to do.

However, can you look at making any changes?

Can you look at things like

downsizing
Doing a different job & cutting back on other expenses
Working from home.

Selling DH? Someone might pay for him? It would be that it under the patio I'd be was that with me!!!

Good news is, your kids will be fine. As long as they feel LOVED, they'll be fine. A happy childhood is about feeling loved & wanted. Whether your parents work full time or not is really neither here nor there as to whether you have a happy childhood or not.

Get a cleaner (order cook/takeaways/outsource ironing - if it must be done) & enjoy your time you do have with them

It's hard on YOU, but don't stresss about them xx

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/11/2020 19:35

Kids are only ever age for a small amount of time, pay your dues now and perhaps you can get flexi time in this job or your next when your youngest starts school, and you get that special time with them.
In the mean time does going full time mean you could fork out for a cleaner? Also utilise your holidays and enjoy the time you are with them.

Original poster

BexyJames · 19/11/2020 19:42

Thank you all for the replies.. You have made me feel better.
You're right.. The kids probably don't care who they're with as long as they have fun and are happy!
It does pull on my heart strings though when my youngest says she doesn't want to go to childcare today cos she wants to go to the park me with tho!

Its just me.. I was so looking forward to the time with my preschooler as it was a really special time with my eldest and I dont want either to miss out.

I like the idea of a cleaner altho not sure the other half would go for that..

OP posts:

tigger001 · 19/11/2020 19:44

That must be heartbreaking for you and I can understand you crying, but you are no way letting your family down. You are doing what you have to do to keep your family surviving.

If you can't condense your hours on your indurstry, as others have said can you employ a cleaner, you not DH throw tea in a slow cooker of a Morning and have enough school uniform/work clothes for every day to minimise washing or ironing mid week.

Keep your eye out for another dream job, just in case and dont be too hard on yourself and congrats on getting a job on this climate.

recreationalcalpol · 19/11/2020 19:46

Please never feel guilty for something that a man would not feel guilty for. You are providing for your children. That’s it.

Mothers who work full time are not letting their families down, in the same way that full time working fathers aren’t doing so either. I’m not sure why you’d think that, tbh.

Embracelife · 19/11/2020 19:46

Make sure weekends are quality.spend tine wuth kids then
Dont rush aroun d cleaning

Get a cleaner unless dh does it in the week
Stop crying
Your dc are fine

tigger001 · 19/11/2020 19:48

I like the idea of a cleaner altho not sure the other half would go for that

It would be an non negotiable for me if finances permit due to your extra hours. You are making a sacrifice, you deserve this.

grassisjeweled · 19/11/2020 19:52

Why wouldn't he go for it? You're supposed to work full time, clean the house and still feel guilty?

NerrSnerr · 19/11/2020 19:54

Is your husband doing 50% of the housework/ cooking etc now you're full time?

JassyRadlett · 19/11/2020 19:56

I like the idea of a cleaner altho not sure the other half would go for that.

In which case he can do all the cleaning.

Clymene · 19/11/2020 20:01

Either you get a cleaner or he cleans. When you both work full time, you prioritise time with kids. Outsource as much of the wifework you can, have shopping deliveries, eat easy to cook food - essentially simplify and rationalise everything possible.

Clymene · 19/11/2020 20:03

Oh and HUGE congratulations for getting a full time job in your field in the current market. You must be great at what you do

runningpram · 19/11/2020 20:05

As a Mum who works full time I actually find this quite offensive.
You're not letting your children down, you're giving them a proper work ethic.

NicLondon1 · 19/11/2020 20:10

A cleaner would be life-changing for you - do it!

tigger001 · 19/11/2020 20:20

runningpram, try not to be offended the OP is only saying how she feels not what she believes of others.

chopc · 19/11/2020 20:30

Bide your time. Go out if your way. Make yourself liked. Ensure you can do a good job part time. Be flexible. Be helpful. Make temporary sacrifices. May not work in your situation but this is how I went from full time to part time.

ArosGartref · 19/11/2020 20:59

@runningpram

As a Mum who works full time I actually find this quite offensive. You're not letting your children down, you're giving them a proper work ethic.

Don't be daft.

sleepyhead1980 · 19/11/2020 21:15

I also work full time with a 2 and 5 year old and I feel so guilty. I feel like the only mum who puts their P1 to breakfast club and isn't there at school pick up. You are not alone! I tell myself that by having two working parents we are keeping them secure - if one of us looses our job the other can pay the bills and keep them fed. Security is important. I'm sure if you prove yourself to be invaluable at your new job then in time you will be able to request more flexibility. You are right that you are lucky to have a job at the moment and you never know what life is going to throw at you next so stick at it. It will get easier eventually.

RLOU30 · 19/11/2020 21:38

“As a Mum who works full time I actually find this quite offensive”

How can you be offended by what a stranger on the bet feels about her own life choices?

Congrats on your job OP. I’m not working atm looking after my two year old and I can’t wait to go back to work. Everyone’s different.

WineIsMyCarb · 19/11/2020 21:46

You are showing them the very best example. As PP suggests, give it 6-12 months of being Best Employee Ever then have the part time convo again.
Then you'll be able to tell them that you lost your job, went to a full time one even though it broke your heart, then came out the other end, all so they could stay in their childhood home, be clothed and fed and have that amazing 2021 camping holiday (or whatever) that they remember forever. What I'm saying is, I would also find that incredibly hard (p/t working mum) but if you compartmentalise it and work hard to make it a temporary situation, you'll have a taught the whole family a valuable lesson in resilience, perseverance, hard work, etc.

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