Dd behaviour

[Blackbins]

My dd is 11 and her behaviour is just absolutely horrid atm. Parents are contacting me about her. Shes threatening other kids. Stealing (she wants to buy herself things) she gets pocket money. no one is telling her too. She acts like a 2 year old throwing tantrums on the floor kicking and screaming. We found she had stole money and she flipped a table over. Threw a car seat and kicked my wall. Shes currently banned off any electronics. Its getting to the point I dont want to spend any time with her she just calls me names.

I'm at the end of what I can take with it. My mum is a great help taking her once a week to get a break.
Any ideas what I should do?

Hopeful bump?

OP, have you tried any counselling routes (or potentially assessments for mental health conditions or special needs if her behaviour seems legitimately out of control?) Do you have any idea why she's behaving like this or what could potentially be causing the issue?

First off,no one said parenting was easy!! A child at eleven is at that transition stage from child to adolescent. Does she eat/sleep alright? What was her behavior like prior to this? How was she at school and home? Have there been any big changes at home? New baby/new stepparent? The tantrums on the floor would've been mortifying to myself at that age-I thought I was so mature at that age! I don't really have a lot of advice because I only have experience with a special needs child so can only send you hugs and to let you know most of us are just doing the best we can. Is there any opportunity for you to speak to her pediatrician?

What does she want to buy? Could you operate an open door policy for money? So if she asks she gets something (even if it’s less than what she needs) but if she steals everything stops.

What kind of things are the parents complaining about? I think some element of commonsense needs to be applied before listening to parent complaints - kids are clever and will often blame the easy target for stuff they do. I think maybe arranging and supervising all playdates at yours is the best way forward.

Is this new behaviour?

Not new behavior but has escalated. I genuinely believe the parents as I eventually get it out of dd. She can be perfect when she wants something like her bday is coming soon and shes been beautifully behaved this morning. No bullying at school already spoke to her and school.

Year 7 so just started secondary school?
Or Y6, or P7 so top of primary?

Hormones?
Anxiety / Stress?
Undiagnosed SN?
Any big changes or stresses at home?

Primary 7 will be in high school after the summer

Could it be anxiety about general COVID, leaving primary, etc? ie a 'cry for help'?
Is she able to talk in a calm moment (eg in the car) about what's going on?

I've tried doing the calm talk thing and it's like walking a minefield say/do anything and shes off again.