Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Well behaved 3 year old wont do or try anything new. Help

6 replies

Duggeeismysaviour · 18/11/2020 13:26

Our 3 just turned three year old boy is extremely resistant to trying anything new, or any kind of organised activity. This can range from the obvious ones of playing sports (which we dont push of course) to trying on new shoes in the shop, to basically doing anything suggested. Like drawing round his foot to get a template for shoe size. Putting on a fun mask that he wanted to put on, brought to me, then ran away at the last minute.

He is extremely bright,sociable, engaging with friends and strangers alike. Cheeky, great sense of humour and with a toddler's curiosity about the world. His behaviour is amazing, he will do things like read himself one last story (after we read to him) and rekiably put himself to sleep.

But if it comes to him needing to do something, he just clams up, makes a silly face and starts walking backwards or doing roly polys or similar. A diversion tactic...

We try everything... preparing him ahead of non avoidable tasks by discussing in the run up (but not too much). By explaining why things need to be done. By making games up or doing something myself and hoping he joins in. By walking the line of kind, gentle yet firm.

He is usually on board and excited! Until the event itself. Then he is like a horse on a lead rope that has decided not to move another inch.

We try to get him to talk about his feelings but he often comes out with something slightly nonsensical (I'm just a little bit lonely). We try to say that as long as he tries for a little bit, (toddler sport here, one he loves and is great at) that's all we want. Usually in this instance he is on the fence the whole time until the end when he is really sad it is over.

I know sports can be avoided, he is only 3 but this behaviour is both infuriating and worrying for me. (I keep my annoyance hidden very deep down unless it is something essential and ridiculous like meaurising his feet with a tape measure for much needed shoes).

I am concerned, seriously about nursery and school. We tried nursery when he was 2 and total disaster. There is a very legitimate family reason he hasn't gone this year, but next year we must try again, before school.

I'm just at my wits end. It just runs so deep, this stubborn and (scared?) streak. He was genuinely always the one baby doing something different at his baby classes, from 3 months old. Every single class, every single time. I feel like he is missing out on so so many silly things (like Halloween, he asked for a costume he then refused to put on) and selfishly, I look like a weak parent (although I know deep down this is a struggle for him and I must support,not chastise or make it about me).

Sorry this is rambling. FWIW there are absolutely no concerns about ASD..

Just tell me, has or does anyone have a child like this?? What did or do you do?? Any advice gratefully received

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/11/2020 13:30

Does he have many chances to make a choice on stuff? Seems daft, as obviously in the above situations he has the "Do it or dont" choices you give, but I mean in the wider day to day.

If he isn't given "true choice" some of the time, kids can become completely focussed on control. "Mammy wants me to do this, but I wont".

Does he go grab whatever clothes he fancies that day? Does he get choice over any meals (not all meals every day, more "go choose what you want for breakfast" rather than just being presented with a dish).

Duggeeismysaviour · 18/11/2020 13:57

Thanks for replying, absolutely yes, lots of decisions like that are made by him and he knows it too. I just feel it's more a fear or internal block rather than typical stubborn toddler. Just can't quite get my head around it....

OP posts:
tempnamechange98765 · 18/11/2020 14:00

Hmm, not all, but a lot of what you say rings true in my own DS, who's nearly 5.

Not to the extreme, but he does seem, demand avoidant for want of a better phrase.

Out of interest why are you so adamant that there are no concerns of ASD?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Emberblu · 19/11/2020 15:48

I have a pretty similar 3 year old boy. He is extremely reluctant to try anything that he won't immediately be good at or is something strange to him. No way would he dress up in a costume or join in a dance or sing along thing. He won't ride a balance bike or try and get himself dressed etc. It is like he doesn't want to try and fail or get frustrated. I tell him all the time it's ok to get things wrong, just try again, and I pretend to drop things or colour outside the lines etc. and not get upset. He was late potty training too. But he has just started preschool and after a week of tears is actually excited to go!
No helpful advice I'm afraid, I just think its anxiety, low tolerance if frustration when it goes wrong, just being a bit more of a worrier and a thinker. Like you I am just giving him lots of choices, building his resilience and talking through emotions. I think our boys are intelligent and emotional which isn't the norm at this age so we get worried but I say don't worry Smile. As long as they are happy most of the time then that's what matters.

Guineapigbridge · 19/11/2020 15:55

It might be that you are crowding him, hanging over him waiting? He might get on with things more if you give him more space?
Some kids are just stubborn...

parietal · 19/11/2020 15:57

give it time. my children were shy / wouldn't join in / wouldn't try on shoes etc at that age, and now they are fine at ages 9 and 12. Still quieter than others in the class but not a worry.

I tried to only push if it was something essential (shoes) but not for anything else like sport or a new slide in a different playground. just let him develop at his own pace.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page